


Where The Mind Wanders

by TheShyGirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Active Shooter Situation, Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Cheating, Cheating Dean Winchester, F/M, Fantasizing, Kissing, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-01-27 12:05:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 87,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12581524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheShyGirl/pseuds/TheShyGirl
Summary: Dean and Sam have just moved the offices of their IT business into a new space in a local building downtown. It was a smart move, but Dean finds himself getting distracted by the dark-haired, blue-eyed manager of the deli in the lobby of the building. Being married, he tries to fight the attraction, but can't seem to stay away.Castiel is feeling jaded after a bad break-up when he meets the flirtatious and handsome Dean Winchester. He has every reason in the world to avoid Dean. The no dating office lessees rule, his no bisexual men rule, and, of course, this new man is married. The allure is hard to ignore though. Castiel wants to be the good guy he always is, but it's gotten him nowhere. Perhaps it's time to be bad and see where some broken rules might lead."If you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind wanders."





	1. Chapter 1

   The job was not hard, but Castiel had to admit that it had become enjoyable after really settling in. He had been hired to oversee a small deli inside an office building. There wasn’t much to it as the employees were able to run it on their own. This left him with just double-checking work, inventory, and scheduling. Considering there were only three full-time employees and one guy who floated between the three locations as needed, scheduling barely counted as a task.

   Castiel often stood at the front and would chat with his cashier when it was slow just because he would get bored. He also enjoyed watching the people come and go. The nine-story building the deli was in rented out their office space to all kinds of people. It was interesting to look at the way a person dressed, how they acted, and try to imagine what they did.

   The cashier that day was his favorite, Emily. She worked the front more often than anyone else. Over the past year, she and he had actually become close friends. The two of them had made a game out of guessing together and even made up secret lives for the people they saw often enough.

   One lazy slow Thursday, the two of them were leaning back against the counter when she nudged him, nodding her dark curls towards the right. “Look. Sad Greg is back from vacation.” The short, bald man she indicated had just walked through a side door looking tan and chipper.

   “Doesn’t look all that sad,” he noted with surprise. “Guess vacation did him good.”

   “What do we call him now?” she asked.

   He shrugged. “Greg, I guess.”

   “I guess.” They continued to look out over the lobby until Emily nudged again. “Holy shit! Check out this guy.” She directed Castiel’s gaze to a man who was exiting the stairwell across the lobby with the building’s owner, Tom Warren.

   He could see why she was excited. The man was incredibly handsome. Even in his black suit, it was obvious that he was well-built. Dark blonde hair spiked to perfection, chiseled jaw, full lips that appeared to be made for sin. Castiel dropped his gaze immediately. He knew better than to even have such thoughts about the people who worked in the building. Not only was it unprofessional, but they had seen romances develop in the building and then go bad. It was never pretty. He wouldn’t go through something like that, especially since his job would also be on the line.

   “Where do those stairs go?” she asked.

   He pointed to a large triangular section of dark glass that sat above the main offices. It was one of the first things a person noticed when they walked into the lobby. “There’s storage up there, but Tom had been talking about renting it out as an office. Maybe that’s the guy who’s going to rent it.”

   “I had no idea there was anything up there. I thought it was just part of the decor.” She leaned over their front counter to look up at the dark glass on the second story, directly across from them. “Weird. He can stand up there and watch people like we do. He could even watch us.”

   The thought made him frown, but logic quickly took over though. “He’s not here to watch us sell sandwiches and coffee. I’m sure he has far more important work to be doing.”

   “Good point, but he can watch me if he wants to,” she grinned, wiggling her eyebrows.

   The conversation was ended then as one of their regulars came up to place an order. As they talked and joked with the customer, the new man in the building was quickly forgotten about.

 

   Castiel was sitting at his desk, staring at the schedule he was making for the week after next. Unfortunately, he was having an off day and just didn’t feel like working. He’d spilled coffee on himself that morning, meaning he had to completely change clothes. He traded out his black slacks and white button up for a pair of jeans and an untucked gray polo.  _Guess I’m taking part in casual Friday._

   That was only the beginning. His car was making a weird noise so he knew he had to take it to the mechanic and get charged an arm and a leg. Next, his mom had texted him to let him know about the neighbor’s cute daughter, despite the fact that he had come out to her years ago. Acceptance was not part of the process for his mom. She would deny it until the day she died.

   The final blow had come as he was sitting at a stop light on the way to work. At the gas station on the corner, he saw his ex-boyfriend’s car. His insides heaved as he prayed it was perhaps a car just like his, but no such luck. His former boyfriend, Marcus, came out of the gas station with his girlfriend on his arm. He came around and opened the passenger car for her, stealing a quick kiss before letting her get in...just as he had done to Castiel before. Being dumped for a woman had hurt even worse than if it had been for another man.

   Seeing them together just rubbed salt in an old wound. It had completely soured his mood and he was having trouble concentrating.

   With two of his employees taking their vacations around the same time, he needed to see if Emily would be willing to grab an extra shift. He preferred not to use the floater unless absolutely necessary. The guy was kinda creepy. Grabbing up the schedule on the clipboard, he left his office, walked through the small kitchen made for making breakfast pastries and sandwiches, and out to the front. Two pairs of eyes turned to him - Emily’s and those of the customer across from her. Castiel was made speechless as he stared at the most unusual eyes he’d ever seen. They were a seemingly swirling mix of shades of green and golden starbursts, like a verdant galaxy still yet to be explored. 

   Emily was watching him with a knowing smile as he stared at the newest office lessee. “Need something, boss?” she asked sweetly, putting the lid on the coffee she had just poured.

   Her words made him realize he was open-mouthed and staring. He snapped his mouth shut and dropped his eyes to the schedule in front of him, praying his cheeks weren’t as red as they felt. “No. It can wait.”

   She just managed to not roll her eyes. “Here ya go!”

   Pulling his eyes from the blushing man behind her, the customer gave her a grin and a wink. “Thanks, Em! Have a good one.” Casting one more glance to the dark-haired man, he took his coffee and headed off to his office.

   Knowing he had walked away, Castiel finally risked looking up, watching him walk across the lobby to the stairwell door.

   “Dean,” Emily said.

   “What?”

   “His name is Dean. He and his brother Sam rented the space you talked about.”

   “Oh.” He tried for indifference. “Can you pick up an extra shift on the 18th? Ronnie and Gina’s vacations overlap so I’m short that day.”

   “Put me down. I’ll be here.”

   “Great.” He made a mark on the schedule and, giving one last look to the door Dean had gone through, he returned to his office.

 

   Upstairs, Dean stood at the large window that made up the front wall of their office. It was so darkly tinted that he knew it would be hard for anyone below to see him. He was looking down at the small deli below, seeing Emily working with some customers. She was not the one he was thinking about though. That man with the dark hair and dazzling blue eyes, cheeks flushing pink, had absorbed his thoughts. He knew he shouldn’t be thinking about him, but he couldn’t help it. It was so cute to see...and he wanted to see more. 

   Behind him to his left, his brother, Sam, was leaning back in a chair at his new desk, staring at his laptop while chewing on a pen. His brother was used to being out in the field, being the more hands-on guy for their IT business. His only reason for being in the office was picking up equipment or studying, the latter being what he was doing now.

   Dean turned to face him. “You and Eileen coming over for dinner tonight?”

   Sam looked up, shaking back his shaggy brown hair. “Yep. What time?” He pushed his chair back, but the wheels bumped into a box behind him. “Damn it, Dean! When are you gonna get these bookcases put together? I thought you were going to do that yesterday.”

   “Maybe tomorrow. Seven o’clock for dinner tonight.”

   “We’ll be there at seven then.”

   “Lisa is making chicken parm.” It was his favorite which his wife knew. She was great like that. Of course, it made him feel all the more guilty for the thoughts he was having about the guy downstairs. Trying to shake the attractive image from his head, he returned to his desk to try to get some work done.  


	2. Chapter 2

   The following Monday, Castiel was at work a little earlier than usual. Emily was already there and had everything open, but there was a light out above one of their signs that he wanted to change. He was up on the ladder with the good bulb in his mouth as he unscrewed the bad one.

   “Can you light it up while it’s in your mouth?”

   Castiel turned to see who had spoken and about dropped the light bulb as he saw Dean leaning on the counter, looking up at him with those pretty green eyes. He quickly turned back to put the new bulb in, keeping the old one in his hand. “I guess that would be a neat trick,” he responded, hoping his voice didn’t reveal the nerves that had suddenly overcome him. “Emily should be back in a minute.”

   “It’s alright. I got time,” he said with a grin and watched him work as if screwing in a light bulb was the most captivating experience he'd ever witnessed. Dean tried his best to keep his eyes off the other man's ass, but with it being almost at eye level and filling out those form-fitting black slacks, it was hard.

   Not wanting to have to be face to face with the handsome man, Castiel took as long as he felt comfortable in screwing in the new bulb, but Emily still hadn’t come back to the front. He was going to have to interact with him. Climbing back down the ladder, he spoke to Dean though he didn’t look at him. “I guess Emily is held up. Is there anything I can get for you?” Castiel busied himself with moving the ladder to the side so it didn't seem odd that he wasn't making eye contact.

   “Just a french roast, please. Black.”

   Risking a glance, he saw that Dean was still leaning on the counter, small smile playing on his lips and a gleam in his eye. Everything about the way Dean was looking at him made it seem like he was being flirtatious. “Three dollars.” He turned around to fill the cup, trying to focus on the dark liquid pouring down rather than on the attractive man behind him. 

   “So, what’s your name?” Dean asked.

   “Castiel.”

   “Cas...I like it.”

   He frowned at the machine in front of him. “Castiel,” he corrected.

   “Okay. I’m Dean. Dean Winchester.” He stood up straight as Castiel set the cup down on the counter. “You seem pretty handy. Think you could help me out with something?” He held onto the money, waiting for an answer.

   Castiel didn’t know what he was getting at and he had a feeling having this handsome man in front of him was going to get him in trouble. With his inner voice trying to calm him, he answered. “Um, with what?”

   “I have these bookcases upstairs that I need to put together. It’s the kinda thing that takes two people, but Sammy, my brother, is out of town this week. Would you be willing to give me a hand after your shift? I’ll take you out afterwards. Get you a beer and everything.”

   Castiel looked down to his hands on the register, only partially managing to suppress his smile.  _ Would I like to spend time with you in a room alone? Yes. Do I want to go on what sounds like a date with you? Absolutely. Should I do either of those things? Definitely not. _  He knew what he had to say. Lifting his gaze back up to Dean’s pleading face, he said, “Sure, I’d be happy to help.”  _ Fuck! That wasn’t what I was supposed to say! _

   Dean’s face completely lit up. “Yeah? That would be a huge help. I’d really appreciate it.”

   “Yeah. No problem. We close up at six. I can be up there at six-thirty.”

   Handing the three dollars over, he said, “Great! I’ll see you at six-thirty then. Thanks, Cas.” Dean gave him a wink before grabbing his coffee and heading to his office.

   He never let anyone call him Cas, but he had a feeling that Dean was going to be an exception. Putting the money in the drawer, he turned around to find Emily right behind him, wearing a huge grin. “What the hell? Where were you? We had a customer.” He wasn’t near as upset as he sounded.

   After working with him for so long, his angry voice didn’t scare her. She just shrugged to go along with the smile. “He asked you out.”

   He looked at her with narrowed eyes. “You were here the whole time?”

   “From the point he asked your name. I know that tone. He was flirting and it’s been so long since you and Marcus broke up. I stayed in back to let nature take its course and it did.” She was feeling very proud of herself.

   As a friend, he wanted to thank her, but as a boss he knew he should berate her. He settled for neither and leaned against the back counter. “He didn’t ask me out. He asked for help. He’s probably one of those guys who isn’t good at manual labor.”

   “He asked for your help, but then he’s taking you on a date.”

   “It’s not a date. We’re not supposed to date the office people anyway." It was a fact that was suddenly quite annoying. "Stay here. I need to start inventory.” He left her to man the cash register and returned to his office. It had been five months since he’d been dumped by Marcus. There had been a couple guys he talked to and one very bad decision in the bathroom of a gay bar, but no one had come close to keeping his interest. Dean definitely had his interest.

   Emily had everything closed in record time. She was smart enough to not say she was doing it for his benefit and clocked out ten minutes earlier than usual. It allowed him plenty of time to sit and mentally prepare himself for his “non-date” with the despicably attractive Dean Winchester. He looked at the clock. It read twenty after six.

_ Do I go up now? Should I wait so I go up right at 6:30? Should I be a couple minutes late? Fuck, I really hate the anxiety of dating. Not that this is a date! It’s just to help. _

   He waited a few minutes more before giving up and giving in. He locked up the deli and strolled as nonchalantly as possible across the office lobby to the stairs.

 

   Dean was waiting impatiently as he watched the little deli below from his office. He’d seen Emily leave, but there was no sign of the attractive man he’d invited up. He was just about to convince himself to go downstairs and find him when Castiel appeared.

   “Finally!” he said on an exhale. Turning around, he looked at all the pieces he had spread about on the floor. He figured he should make it look like he at least tried to do some on his own.  

   He had left the door to his office open so he heard Castiel coming up the steps and smiled when he saw him step into the doorway. “Hey! You made it. I’m glad because I’ve been having a hell of a time.”

   Castiel looked around the office first. He’d only ever seen it as storage. It was like a whole different place now. To the left of the door was a large, glass L-shaped desk with four monitors on it. Past that, to the right, they had a large blue couch pushed against the glass window that overlooked the lobby. A plush blue rug with various pieces of a bookcase upon it was in front of the couch. On the other side of the large room was a second desk, just like the first. They had painted a thick blue stripe in the middle of the gray walls that went fully around the room.  In the center of the back wall was a large decal that read “Winchester IT Services, A Family Business.”

   He took all that in before allowing his eyes to settle on Dean. “Wow! You guys did a great job up here. You took it from extra space to respectable.”

   Dean looked around. “We’ve learned to do a lot with a little growing up. It's stuck with us.” Not wanting to talk about the past, he waved his hand over the mess on the floor. “Think you can help? I can’t figure out what goes where.”

   Looking at the different pieces, he nodded. “Seems easy enough. Where are the instructions?”

   Dean looked around and grabbed them up off the couch and handed them over.

   Castiel realized they were still folded with a seal on it. He glanced up at the other man with a grin as he broke the seal. “You know these are really useful for figuring out the whole ‘what goes where’ issue you were having.”

   “Instructions are overrated.”

_ Such a man’s man _ , Castiel thought to himself as he looked over the paper.

   It took them almost forty minutes, but they got both bookcases put together and placed them in the corners behind each desk.

   Castiel had lost count of how many times Dean’s hand had brushed against his, how many times the man had squeezed his shoulder in thanks before letting the hand trail lightly down his back as he stepped away. It hadn’t taken Castiel long to figure out that Dean was great at making sure that everything he said or did could be explained away as something other than flirting.

   That was not Castiel’s style though. He didn’t like the no-homo games that some men liked to play while hiding deep in the closet. He liked being straightforward about what he wanted. He was standing by the window, noticing how easily it really was to look down at his little deli, wondering if Dean ever watched him when he was out front.

   “Ready to go down the street for a beer?” Dean asked as he closed down the open programs he had on his computer.

   “Sounds good.” He turned to see Dean stepping around the desk, grabbing a small item from in front of one of his monitors.

   The item slipped through his fingers, clattering loudly on the glass desk, before he grabbed it up again. Dean cursed himself for his clumsy fingers as he shoved his wedding ring into his pocket. Trying not to sound too embarrassed, he gestured to the door. “After you.”

   Castiel was curious about the ring he saw, but decided they’d have plenty of time to talk at the bar.


	3. Chapter 3

   As they walked to Ocean’s Bar at the end of the block, Dean made an attempt at small talk. “Have you been to Ocean’s before? Sam and I stopped by last week. Seemed okay.”

   “A couple times. It tends towards crowded being so close to the office, so I usually go to this little place closer to home called Fishbone. Stupid name, but great place. Or if it’s a weekend, I may go out to The Tea Cup. Not as often as I used to though.” He and Marcus had been many times together.

   “The Tea Cup? That doesn’t sound like a good place to get drunk.”

   Castiel laughed. “Well, you would be wrong. They have some of the best drinks and the company is pretty nice, too.”

   Dean suddenly had the feeling that Cas was talking about a very specific type of bar. While he was getting pretty strong vibes from him, he didn’t feel comfortable enough to just ask outright if he was gay. “Huh. Sounds like a place I should check out," he said in an attempt to get more information.

   “I’m sure you would be quite popular there.”

   Dean grinned. “Really? Why’s that?”

   “With your pretty face and sexy lips, everyone would be buying you drinks.” Glancing over at him, he added, “I know I would.” It was Dean who was blushing now and even in the dim light from the street lamps, Castiel loved how it made his freckles stand out even more. 

   Looking over to Cas, Dean couldn’t help himself. “Is that a fact?” he asked, voice heavier than he intended. 

   “That is definitely a fact,” he answered as they stepped up to the open doors of Ocean’s Bar. 

 

   Castiel hesitated in taking his drink, eyes fastened to Dean’s full lips as they pressed against the bottle. When he sat it back down, a droplet of beer remained on his lower lip and Castiel had to resist the urge to lean over the table and lick it up. Even better was watching Dean’s tongue dart out to get it. 

   Dean had an eye on him the whole time. Castiel wasn’t hiding his attraction anymore and he certainly appreciated it. What exactly he was doing out here with Cas though, he didn’t know. He hadn’t focused on an end-game, just wanted to spend more time with the blue-eyed man. Lisa thought he was just out with some friends. If she knew the thoughts he was having right now, thoughts about sucking Cas off in his car, she’d throw him out in an instant. He didn’t really want to cheat on his wife, but the images in his mind were testing his willpower.

   Dragging his lustful gaze back to Dean’s eyes, Castiel had to ask the question that was bothering him. “Dean, can I ask you something?”

   “Anything,” he said, head tilted down, but looking up at him through dark lashes. 

   “Was that a wedding ring? Are you married?”

_ Damn. _ Dean didn’t really know why he had tried to hide the fact. If anything, Castiel knowing would be a good thing.  _ He’ll know not to hit on me. _ That thought was his answer to why he was pretending like he didn’t have a significant other at home. He wanted Castiel to want him, too, even though nothing could happen. The feeling was intoxicating and he didn't want to give it up. 

   He sat back in the bench seat, staring at his beer bottle. He knew there was no use lying about it. He nodded once and then, “Yeah. I got married six months ago. I take it off when I work.” Not a total lie. Sometimes he did take the ring off when he had a lot of work because it was irritating as it rubbed between his fingers. 

   Castiel felt his chest tighten. It wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He’d been hoping he was wrong. Dean was so much fun and so damn attractive that he was willing to consider throwing the rules about dating in the office out the window. “Oh… So, if you don’t mind me asking, what are you doing right now, with me?”

   His smile was instantaneously back. “Thanking you for helping me out, of course. You helped me build bookcases, so you get drinks on me.”  _ Perfectly acceptable reason. _ “I couldn’t have done it without you. Lisa says I’m shit at putting things together.”

   That was a new name to Castiel. “Lisa?”

   “My wife.”

   Castiel's eyes widened a bit, but otherwise he managed to hide his surprise. If fate wasn’t so mean, he could almost laugh about it. The first guy he takes an interest in since Marcus dumped him ends up being bisexual. He swore he’d never date another bi guy and now this one was married on top of it. It felt like he’d just wasted his entire evening lusting after a man he couldn’t have.  _ Or could I? _ The guy seemed primed to cheat. Castiel had never been a no-strings kind of guy, but maybe he needed to be. A fling or even a one-night stand could be cathartic. He didn’t want to ruin someone else’s relationship though. “So, how did you all meet?”

   “She was a client. Sam had gone to help her, but needed me to bring him a different drive. I brought it out, met her, asked her to dinner, and...then we ended up married four months later.”

   Quickly doing the math, he realized Dean was married to a woman he hadn’t even known a full year. “Wow. That seems...fast. You must really love her.” 

   Dean shrugged and looked away. “I guess so,” he answered and took a swig of his beer.

   “You guess so? There is no ‘guess so’ when it comes to love. You either love someone or you don’t. Isn’t that why you married her?”

   “I woke up one day and decided it was time to get married, settle down. She was there.”

   Castiel had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. This was not a committed man. This was not a man in love. This was a man who wanted cock, but was stuck in a marriage to a woman because she just happened to be in the right place at the right time. “That’s a good reason,” he muttered.

   “Can I have your phone number?” Dean asked out of the blue, looking a bit uncomfortable. 

   It was a trading of places for Castiel because he was actually feeling more confident by the moment. “Why?” he asked, taking a long, slow sip of his beer. 

   Dean licked his lips as he watched his new friend drink. “Just...in case, ya know. In case I need help with something again.”

   “Something like your hard cock?” Castiel couldn’t believe he just let those words come out of his mouth. He wasn’t the only one surprised.

   Dean’s eyes were wide as he stared in disbelief, trying to decide if Cas was being serious. He felt like he was suddenly sliding into some alternative realm. He looked down at the table as he frantically searched his brain for a response.

   Seeing him trying to figure it out, Castiel decided to go all in and let Dean know exactly, without a doubt, what he wanted and that he was serious. “Hey.”

   Dean looked up, green eyes meeting blue.

   Voice low, he leaned in and told him what he knew was the truth. “I will suck your cock so well that I will be the one you compare every other man or woman to for the rest of your life...and none of them will ever even get close.”

   Even in the low light of the booth, Dean’s pupils dilated even further as his throat went dry. He didn’t doubt that was true and he really wanted the opportunity to find out. He couldn’t do that to Lisa though. He had expected some fun flirting, but what Castiel had just said was far too tempting. “I, uh...I think,” he cleared his throat, “I think I need to go now.”

   Rolling his eyes, Castiel pulled a pen he had from his pants pocket and grabbed a napkin. He scribbled down his number and slid the napkin across the table. “Call me when you want more help.” He didn’t say anything else, just slid out of the booth and left the bar, smiling the whole way. 

   Dean stared at the napkin, his heart pounding. He’d been counting on being the one in control, the one flirting, bringing back that adorable blush to Castiel’s cheeks. Getting floored with an offer of head was not expected at all. He’d said he needed to go, but he stayed for another ten minutes, sipping his beer...waiting for his erection to go down. 


	4. Chapter 4

   When Dean entered his house half an hour later, Lisa was surprised. “Hey, hon. Thought you were out with the guys tonight.” 

   “Wasn’t feeling it. Long day, so I just left early,” he replied as he sat his keys by the door.

   “Aww, I’m sorry.” She came up and twined her arms around his neck, sighing happily as his arms wrapped about her waist. Leaning up, she gave her husband a sweet kiss and then let go of him to return to the dessert she was making for the next day. “How was work?”

   He followed her to the kitchen and leaned back against a counter across the room to stay out of her way. “Same old, same old. I listen to demands of assholes that don’t pay me enough and make it happen for them.”

   “I know you and Sam have a system down, but sometimes I wish you were doing what he does. He doesn’t have to deal with people like that.” 

   “He wouldn’t have people to see if it wasn’t for me doing the advertising through our web development,” he reminded her. “It’s a good system.” 

   “I know,” she said, sliding the pan with the custard dishes into the oven. “I talked to Eileen today. She said to remind you to put together the bookcases. I thought that you did that a week ago. Want me to come up and help?”

   “No need. I put them together today,” he said proudly.

   “Wow! All by yourself?”

   He didn’t feel like he could talk about Castiel with a straight face so he went for vague. “Nah, I had a little help, but it was mostly me.” He hoped the bragging would distract her. It worked. 

   Lisa joined him at the other counter and leaned against him. “Sure, that totally sounds like you,” she giggled, giving him another kiss. “Ya know, I have thirty minutes to kill until those custards need to come out of the oven. How about you and I go have some fun?”

   “Mmm...you know I’d love to. Just tired tonight and ready for a shower. Raincheck?”

   She pouted, but nodded. “Of course. Go relax, babe.”

   “Thanks.” Dean headed for their bedroom, feeling only mildly guilty for the lie. All he could think about on the way home was getting to the shower, a spot where he could be alone and let his imagination explore the possibility that Cas had provided him. The fact that he had managed to act like it wasn’t his goal as soon as he walked through the door was a miracle. 

   He closed the door to their master bathroom and turned the water on to warm up while he undressed. By the time he stepped into the hot water, he was fully hard. He closed the frosted glass door behind him and let the warmth surround him and ease some of the tightness in his back and arms. As the water flowed over him, he closed his eyes and let his mind finally go where it had been wanting. 

   He could see himself sitting on the new couch they got for the office, pants undone, and Cas between his legs, dragging that tongue up the underside of his cock. Blue eyes looking up at him as the head disappeared between skilled lips. 

   In the shower, Dean used his hand to mimic the actions he was seeing in his mind. As the fantasy continued, he became completely absorbed in it. His body responded quickly and his mind raced to catch up. He gripped himself tighter and began to stroke. “Oh, fuck,” he whispered as his imagined Cas took his cock all the way down his throat. “God, baby, you’re gonna make me cum.”

   He braced a hand on the shower wall in front of him and began to pump into his hand, imagining he had a hand on the back of Cas’s head as he pushed into his mouth. His breathing sped up as his pace increased. Within minutes, he was at the edge. “Fuck, Cas,” he moaned quietly as he came, grunting as each spurt shot out, seeing Cas swallow it all down. Opening his eyes, he saw the remnants being washed down the drain by the water as he tried to calm his breathing.

   As he returned to reality, he used the shower for it’s actual purpose and spent his time thinking up an excuse to get Cas to spend more time with him. It was tempting fate, he knew, but he had really enjoyed his company when they were putting the bookcases together.  _ It’s not weird to want to hang out with a fun person, right? Right. I’m not an animal. I can control myself. Maybe if I get to know him better, I won’t feel this way. _ Pleased with his flimsy rationalization, he finished up in the shower. 

 

   When Emily stood at his office door with a huge smile, Castiel was not surprised. He merely looked up at her and said, “Good morning,” before going back to the email he was writing. 

   She narrowed her eyes, though the smile stayed. “Is it a good morning? Is that because your evening was good, as well?”

   “My evening was fine. Thanks for asking. How was yours?” It was hard to keep the smile from his lips. She was just too easy to mess with.

   “Ugh!” She came in and plopped down in the chair in front of his desk. “ Quit torturing me! How did things go with Dean? Tell me!”

   Castiel sat back in his seat, at last letting the smile show. “You’re very easy to frustrate.”

   “Tell me something I don’t know...like how well he kisses? It has to be good!”

   He sighed, knowing she would be just as disappointed by his story as he was by experiencing it. “There’s actually nothing to tell. It wasn’t a date. He just needed help. We put together the bookcases and then had a beer at Ocean’s.”

   She shook her head vehemently, dark curls bouncing. “No way! That guy is into you. I’m not buying it. I mean, just the way he…”

   “He’s married!” Castiel interjected. “To a woman.”

   Emily’s mouth was hanging open. It took a moment, but she finally got her wits gathered enough to speak. “Oh. Castiel, I’m so sorry. I don’t think I’ve ever been so wrong about someone before.” Her shock quickly changed to anger. “Oh! That snake! He had to know you like him. He used that to get your help! That’s a shitty thing to do!”

   He considered telling her that she wasn’t wrong in her first assessment. Dean Winchester wanted him, but it was just not going to happen. He’d thought about it some more when he went home that night. It wasn’t fair for him to have said what he did, to try to interest Dean in cheating. It could have just been innocent flirty fun and he should have just enjoyed it. The attraction was just so intense though. He had made a vow to behave more appropriately in the future. “It’s okay. He’s just one of those guys that seems like everything he does is a flirtation. No biggie.” He smiled to prove that he meant it. 

   There was a ding from the front counter. A customer had rang the bell. 

   Emily nodded and attempted to lose her look of upset as she rose to go help the customer.

   The deli had been open for a couple hours. Dean had seen Emily working, but if Cas was there, he had yet to come to the front. He thought about texting him, but didn’t want to bother him if he was busy. He went downstairs to get a coffee and try to catch a glimpse of his mind’s obsession.

   He noticed that Emily was different as soon as he neared the counter. Normally, she was bubbly and smiling, happy to see him. Today, she was remaining cool and staunchly professional. “Hey, Em. How’s it going?”

   “Good. What can I get for you?” Her brown eyes were lacking the warmth they usually held and she appeared annoyed by his mere presence.

   He tilted his head, confused. “Is everything okay? You seem upset.”

   She didn’t answer his question and instead asked one of her own. “Coffee, I assume?”

   He nodded and she quickly turned around to start filling a cup with the caffeinated brew he always selected. For the life of him, he couldn’t understand her attitude change. “Em, you can talk to me. If you’re upset, maybe I can help.” Castiel may be the reason he frequented the deli so often, hoping to see him, but Emily had always made the experience enjoyable. She was a very likable person.

   “I’m fine.” The smile that accompanied the statement was not a smile of someone who was fine. It was the smile of someone who was pissed off. She placed the lidded cup on the counter. “Three dollars, please.”

   “Have I done something to make you mad?” 

   “I’m not mad. Three dollars, please.”

   Dean gave up. Women had the ability to get angy over anything or nothing and it never made sense to him. “Fine.” He pulled out a five dollar bill and handed it over. As she got the change, he said, “Look. I don’t know if it’s something someone else did or something I did, but either way, I’m sorry. I’m sorry it happened and I’m sorry it’s upset you this much.” 

   She held the two dollar bills out and once he took them, she said, “I’m not the one you need to apologize to.” With her fake smile, she cheerily added, “Have a nice day!” and then walked away from the counter into the back. 

   Dean was left dumbfounded. She had to be talking about Castiel, but he didn’t know what he’d done that he had to apologize for. He took his coffee and retreated back to his office. If Cas was upset, he needed to know why. He finally sent him a text. 

   Dean:  _ Hey, it’s Dean. Did I piss you off or something last night? _


	5. Chapter 5

   Castiel checked his phone when he heard the notification sound. It was Dean, but he didn’t understand why he was being asked if he’d been upset. He saved the number to his contacts and responded.

   Castiel: _No, of course not. Why would you think that?  
_    Dean: _Emily was like a damn ice queen. She seems to think I need to apologize to you._

   He sighed and then yelled through his open office door for Emily. She appeared quickly. “What the hell did you say to Dean?”

   With a curious look, she told the truth. “I remained completely professional. He asked about what was upsetting me and I told him I was fine. He apologized for whatever had me upset and I just said that I wasn’t the one he should apologize to. Then I told him to have a nice day, like we’re supposed to.”

   With a groan, he let his head hit the desk. “There’s nothing he needs to apologize for, Emily. He asked for a favor and I agreed. End of story. You’re making this seem like a big deal, but it really isn’t.”

   Curiosity finally got the better of her. “How did you even find out so quickly?”

   Lifting his head back up, he replied, “He texted me asking if I was pissed about something because of what you said.”

   Her eyebrows raised and the corner of her mouth lifted. “You gave him your phone number?”

   “Again, not a big deal. He asked for it in case he needed help again.”

   “He asked for your number?” She was all out smiling now. “Did you lie to me about last night? He isn’t married! I knew I’d never seen a ring on him. He **is** into you! I knew it!”

   “Emily!”

   “It’s fine. I won’t say one more word about it, boss.” She was back to her normal self. “I’m gonna get back to the front.” She was gone before he could set her straight about the truth.

   Grabbing up his phone, he replied to Dean.

   Castiel: _Sorry about that. It’s nothing. I talked to her._    
   Dean: _So you’re not mad at me?_  
   Castiel: _Nothing to be mad about.  
_    Dean: _Good. I was going to ask if you wanted to hang out sometime._

   Definitely not what he was expecting and after what had happened, spending time together seemed unwise.

   Castiel: _Are you sure that’s a good idea?  
_    Dean: _Yeah, why not? We’re both fun people._

   This man was going to test every bit of his willpower. He wasn’t sure he minded. _I should really tell him no._

   Castiel: _Sure. When? Doing what?  
_    Dean: _Saturday. I don’t know. What kind of things do you like doing?_

  

   What ensued was a text conversation that lasted until Dean got home that evening. Castiel was a lot of fun to talk to. His dry wit had Dean laughing out loud more than once, making him happy that Sam wasn’t back to ask what was so funny.

   Sitting in his driveway, he knew he needed to end the conversation before he went inside. Lisa would wonder who he was texting. He didn’t want to tell Cas that though.

   Dean: _I’m gonna grab some dinner. Thanks for the chat.  
_    Castiel: _Anytime. Always happy to help. ;)_

   He smiled at the reference to what Cas had suggested as help. Getting out of the car, he slipped his phone in his pocket and then headed inside.

   The house smelled amazing and it made his stomach rumble. Whatever Lisa made had his mouth watering, sight unseen. He dropped his keys on the table in the foyer. He could turn right into the living room, left into the dining room, or go straight into the kitchen. He followed his nose to the kitchen, but frowned when he didn’t see any food.

   Lisa came gliding in and saw him looking around. “It’s already plated and on the table, babe.” She leaned up and kissed his cheek. “I think you’re gonna like it.”

   “It smells awesome.” He followed her to the table to find ribeye steak with a mushroom marsala sauce and red roasted potatoes. “Oh my god! This looks amazing!” He grabbed her to him, pressing his lips to hers as a thank you.

   “Good enough to eat?” she leaned back and looked up as she bit her lower lip.

   It was a look he knew well. He also realized she was in a new dress that was quite low cut. “Mmm! Damn, babe! What did I do to deserve all this?” He backed her up to the edge of the table.

   “Can’t I just treat you good sometimes?” she asked with a grin.

   “You treat me good all the time. This is special. Care if I have dessert first?” He dipped his head and began kissing and nibbling on her neck, making her giggle.

   “Fine by me, sailor,” she teased.

   He grinned against her neck and then pulled back, turning her around so he could unzip the dress. “This is nice. I’m sure it cost me a lot,” he chuckled as he slid the straps off her arms and watched the dress pool at her feet. She had worn nothing underneath.

   “Well, I’m paying you back now.” She leaned back against him and moaned as Dean’s hands moved around her to cup her breasts.

   He went back to nibbling along her neck as he gently squeezed the mounds in his hands. He didn’t have to work to get aroused as he was still riding high from his half day conversation with Castiel. His cock was perking up quickly. Wrapping an arm around her middle, one hand slid down between her legs, feeling the dampness between them. “Mmm...so ready for me, huh, babe?”

   Lisa pushed her ass back against his crotch and he groaned at the pressure. “Yep. You gonna fuck me right here at the table?” Leaning over the table, she glanced back over her shoulder.

   He was already undoing his jeans. “Hell yeah, I am.” He didn’t bother pushing his jeans and boxers all the way down, lowering them just enough to get his now hard member out. With one hand he aimed and then slid into her. He gripped her hips and began to pump into her as her moans filled the room. He slid a hand up to the center of her back, holding her down against the table. His head fell back and his eyes closed and just like that, he was in a fantasy.

   It was Cas he was holding down on the table as he drove into the ass that had filled those slacks out so well. The well-muscled back was firm under his hand and the skin smooth. All he wanted to do was empty himself into him, filling him up until Cas came on the table below him.

   Dean quickened the pace, fucking into him harder, pushing him down on the table as if he could push him through it. He grew frantic with his rough thrusting and could hear Cas screaming his name over and over as he owned his ass and it spurred him on even more.

   “Dean! Dean! Stop it! Dean!”

   That wasn’t Cas. Lisa’s screams snapped him back to reality and he saw she was crying. He quickly pulled out. “Oh my god! What happened?” He grabbed her arm to help her stand.

   “What the fuck is wrong with you?” she yelled, jerking her arm away and smacking at him. She carefully pressed a palm against her lowest right rib and winced. Looking down at the skin on her thighs, they were already developing a bruised line across them from the edge of the table. “Seriously? What the hell? I yelled at you to stop like a dozen times! I think you bruised my rib! You’ve never fucked me like that, Dean! Why wouldn’t you stop?”

   He didn’t know what to say and grasped for an answer. “I don’t know. I’m sorry. It’s just...been a while and felt...really good. Lisa, baby, I am so sorry! Do you want me to take you to the hospital?”

   “Yes, actually. It might be more than bruised. It hurts to breathe right now. Let me get dressed in something else. It might take a minute.”

   “Do you want me to help you?”

   “No,” she said emphatically. Then, “Just...eat some of your food.” Carefully, she went off to their room to get changed.

   Still starving, Dean put himself back in his pants and sat to eat as much as he could while she put on a loose shirt and pajama pants. While he ate, he berated himself over what he'd just done.  _I've got to get him out of my head._  


	6. Chapter 6

   Dean had planned on telling Lisa about the fact that he made a new friend, but with her getting hurt it didn’t seem like a good time to mention he was going to be out most of Saturday. Their trip to the hospital proved that the rib was actually cracked. According to the doctor, cracked and broken ribs healed faster than bruised ribs so she was lucky. The look of death she had given the doctor let him know she didn’t agree about the luck. 

   He went into work late the next day so he could spend a couple hours in the morning getting Lisa everything she needed to get through the day. He came through the side entrance and headed straight for the deli. When he got there, he was surprised to see an overly happy blonde behind the counter, rather than Emily. 

   “Hi! What can I get for you today?” she said cheerily. Her name tag read Gina. 

   “French Roast. Black. Where’s Emily?” he asked, disconcerted by this genial new person. 

   “She had to have the day off for some reason. I don’t really know why.” 

   It occurred to Dean that he had never seen anyone else work the front of the deli. “Are you new?”

   “No. I usually work in the kitchen, but that means being here very early in the morning before anyone else gets here. We actually make most of our stuff. I’m gone by eight on the mornings I work.”

   “Oh. I didn’t realize you make your own food here. I never really thought about where it came from. Explains why I’ve never seen you before though.”

   “Yeah. The front is Emily’s domain. I just fill in when needed. She’s taking a shift for me next week so it works out.” She set the cup down in front of him. “That will be three dollars.”

   Dean handed over three one dollar bills, looking through the open doorway behind her. “Is Cas here?”

   “Cas?” she asked.

   “Sorry. I mean Castiel.”

   She giggled. “Don’t let him hear you call him that. He doesn’t like it. Yeah, he’s here. Do you want me to get him?”

   “Nah. I’ll text him here in a bit. Thanks for the coffee.”

   “Very welcome! Have a good day!”

 

   Castiel was spinning in his chair, bored out of his mind. Gina was nice, but she was not a friend, not like Emily. Last time she had been on the register, he’d tried to get her to play the game of guessing what people did for a living. He realized how bad she was at it when she guessed that someone was a dog groomer...in an office building...full of people wearing suits. 

   Deciding that any company was better than no company, he stopped his spinning to go stand with her. As soon as he stepped out of his office though, a different thought hit him. “Gina!”

   She glanced through the open doorway back to him. “Yeah?”

   “I have to go talk to someone. Hold down the fort. Call me if you need anything.”

   “You got it!”

   He left the deli and walked across the office lobby. He glanced up at the dark panel of glass, but couldn’t tell if the lights were even on due to the heavy tint of the glass. When he entered the stairwell and saw the door to the office upstairs was closed, he almost turned back.  _ Maybe Dean’s not here. _ Castiel turned to leave, but the thought of,  _ What if he is here?  _ wouldn’t leave him alone. Considering their fun conversation from yesterday about sports and how good or bad they were at different ones, he knew Dean would provide better entertainment than Gina. 

   At the top of the stairs, he stood in front of the closed door, wishing he could see inside. Looking down at his usual white button-up and black slacks, he realized he needed to go shopping so he could have some variety. Dean seemed like the kind of guy who liked variety. Rolling his eyes, he thought,  _ I guess that’s part of being bi. _

   Gathering his courage, he rapped a couple times on the door. From the other side, he heard Dean. 

   “Come in.”

   Castiel pulled the door open and stepped in. He saw Dean peering over his computer monitors to see who was entering. 

   Dean’s face lit up in a smile when he saw him, but held up a finger as he was on the phone. “Yeah, I have the list right here of the info you want included on your website. If you want, I can do a mock-up so you can see it and make sure that it all shows up like you want it.”

   After closing the door back, Castiel moved over to the couch and took a seat at the end, content to wait. There was nothing available to distract him. He made a note to tell Dean to get a coffee table and some magazines. As it was, the only thing he had to do was just watch Dean as he worked on something on the monitors in front of him. 

   There were certainly worse things to do. Dean was dressed casually in faded jeans and a black button-up. Castiel hadn’t seen him in a suit since that very first day, not that he was complaining. Dean’s well-muscled form was easier to see in just the button-up. 

   The couch they had was definitely comfortable. Castiel let his head fall back and closed his eyes. Listening to the tap-tap-tap of Dean’s keyboard and mouse and hearing his occasional words was relaxing. He could feel tension leaving him. 

   Dean smiled as he glanced over at Cas, resting on the couch, looking so cute. He was trying to make sure he was getting all the demands of the woman on the phone, but seeing his new friend was messing with his concentration. “You know, Linda, I think this is good for now. Let me work on this and then I’ll send you what I have and you can email me the notes on it. Okay? Great. Okay. Bye.” He pushed the button on his bluetooth headset as he took it off to leave it laying on his keyboard. 

   He stared at Cas who didn’t move, still sitting with his head laid back on the couch.  _ Wonder how he’d feel if I just came over there and sat down in his lap. Wonder if he’d fuck me as hard as I imagined fucking him. _ Remembering what such thoughts caused him to do to Lisa had him frowning.  _ Head on straight, dude. _ He sighed at the double-entendre of his own thought and rose to move towards Cas. 

   Castiel could hear the footsteps until they hit the soft carpet in front of the couch. He felt Dean’s foot kick lightly against one of his. 

   “Hey. Was there something you needed or did you just want to sleep on my couch?” Dean asked. 

   Slowly, Castiel lifted his head back up and opened his eyes, regarding Dean carefully. Seeing those beautiful green eyes again, the ones that had been haunting his dreams, had him feeling flirty. “If I say I wanna sleep on the couch, will you join me?”

_ Jesus! _ Dean had to look away, but he couldn’t stop the smile on his face. He wanted to make a retort, but nothing was coming to mind since he absolutely wanted to join him. He fought the urge and, licking his lips, finally looked back to the center of his thoughts. Smile still there, he tried again, “What do you need, Cas?”

_ Your cock. _ He didn’t say a word, just let his eyes flick down to Dean’s crotch and back up. It said enough and he enjoyed seeing Dean’s smile falter as he swallowed. With them both being at work, he decided to go back to being good. He may be bored, but Dean had actual work to do. It wasn’t right to be up here distracting him. He blinked and the burning desire he had just shown Dean was back under control. “We never decided between bowling, the basketball game, or pool. I’m thinking we go with both bowling and pool. That way we both win.”

   During their discussion yesterday, Dean admitted to being decent at bowling while Castiel was not that great. When it came to pool, however, Dean said getting a shot in was luck, while Cas said it was a skill he was pretty good at. Nodding, Dean said, “Okay. That sounds like a good plan. Which we doing first?”

   “Bowling then pool. I get to suck first. Then you can suck later.” Castiel grinned as Dean once again had to look away. Standing, he said, “Wanna just meet here at six and then ride together to the bowling alley?”

   “Yeah, six is good.” Dean was an inch, maybe even two, taller than Cas, but he was feeling like a little kid with the innuendo that was being thrown his way. On one hand, he wanted to banter back, but on the other, he didn’t know if it would be wise. He needed to get used to Castiel and the effect that he was having on him before he could go back to being playful again.  _ Or maybe just fuck him one time, good and hard, get it out of my system. _ His inner moral compass was not having it.  _ No! I made a vow. I have to keep it. _

   “Okay. See you then.” He patted Dean on the shoulder and moved towards the door. 

   As Cas reached for the door knob, Dean got his attention. “Hey, Cas.” He didn’t want to have to wait until Saturday to interact with him.

   Castiel stood at the door with a raised brow. 

   “Can I text you later?”

   “Of course. Anytime you want.” Castiel’s smile was reassuring. 

   “Thanks. You know, anytime you want to come up here and visit like this, you’re welcome to. Can stay a little longer next time...hang out or whatever. I can work anytime.” Dean knew he shouldn’t offer that, but he really wanted Cas to feel welcome in his world. 

   “Thank you. I may take you up on that. Talk to you later.” 

   “Later.” Dean watched as Cas left, closing the door behind him. 


	7. Chapter 7

   Castiel was feeling pretty good about how that had just went. Whatever it was that he and Dean were doing was not normal, but he was willing to see it out. He was either going to end up with a good friend, a fuck buddy, or one awesome night. Any of those options sounded acceptable.

   He hadn’t even been back downstairs for an hour when his phone dinged.

   Dean: _Tell me about your musical tastes._

   And so it went once again. The two men texting until Dean got home, being careful around his now injured and cranky wife. She had already lectured him multiple times on how he had been too rough.

   The next morning, Dean tried to be sweet and understanding for Lisa, but he accidentally bumped her when he went to kiss her goodbye. “Oh! So sorry, babe,” he apologized quickly when he heard her hiss in pain.

   “Just go,” she’d said as she slowly moved across the kitchen to where she’d set her bottle of ibuprofen.

   He didn’t even wait until he got to work. He texted Castiel as soon as he got in the car.

   Dean: _Morning, sunshine! You know any way to make a cracked rib heal faster?_  
   Castiel: _How did you crack your rib? Are you okay?_  
   Dean: _Cute that you’re worried. Not mine. Someone else’s._  
   Castiel: _What happened?_  
   Dean: _Nothing. Never mind._  
   Castiel: _Dean…  
_    Dean: _See ya at work._

  Castiel didn’t appreciate the deflection. Once he made sure Emily was good, he left to go upstairs and make sure Dean was really okay. The door to the office was open so he knocked on the door frame and then came on in.

  Dean seemed surprised. “You’re up here especially early. Need a nap already?” he grinned over his monitors.

   “Just wanted to make sure that it really wasn’t you with the cracked rib. Would hate to have to cancel our plans,” he said easily, taking the same spot on the couch as before.

  Leaning back in his seat, Dean noticed that Cas looked different. He was in a dark blue button-up instead of his usual white. “Nah, I’m fine. Lisa’s hurt and getting bitchy about it, but she’ll live.” He said it almost as an aside before commenting on what he found more interesting. “You’re in blue. I thought you always wore white.”

  Castiel shrugged. “Trying something new.” He stood back up for a moment, smoothing it out. “Does it look okay?” The cut was different from all of his other shirts. It was more like a t-shirt, made to lay closer to his body than the boxy button-ups he had. It was also shorter so he didn’t have to tuck it in which added to the comfort. He’d bought it and some others like it the night before.

  Since he had permission, Dean took his time to really look over Cas, seeing how the shirt bunched and moved with his muscles. He grinned as Cas began a slow turn. When Castiel's back was to him, his mind went right to the moment he had imagined his hand placed in the center of it. His gaze fell to his ass, still in those fitted black slacks, remembering his fantasy of being buried deep inside him. His cock twitched and started to harden. _Oh, shit! Think of anything else! Anything else!_

  As Castiel completed his circle, he didn’t understand Dean’s look. His eyes were wide and he looked near scared. “What’s wrong?” He looked down at his shirt. _Fuck! I really thought this looked nice._ “Does it look bad?”

  Dean shook his head. “Looks really good,” he answered, voice only slightly hoarse. He covered it up by clearing his throat and grabbing a bottle of water from his desk for a drink.

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’m really sure,” he promised, finally calming back down. "You look good in blue and the shirt is good."

  Fears assuaged, Castiel sat back down on the couch. “I read a bit about cracked ribs. Turns out there’s not much you can do.”

   Sighing, he said, “Yeah, I know. I’m just tired of getting shit about it. Apologizing doesn’t seem to be helping.”

  “Apologizing? You broke her rib?” He didn’t think Dean seemed like the type to hit a woman, but then again, you never really know what goes on behind closed doors.

  “Well, not on purpose.” This was getting too close to the memory he’d just pushed away so he tried to steer it in a different direction. “Broke my arm once when I slipped on ice, but that’s the only broken bone I’ve ever had. Plenty of cuts, scrapes, and bruises over the years though. What about you? Broken a bone?” Thankfully, Cas followed his lead.

  “Only as a kid. I broke my pinky diving into a snow drift and broke my thumb in the pool. Was underwater and the wall was closer than I thought. Jammed my hand into it. Hurt like crazy.”

  Dean smiled. “Oh, really? I’m telling you I broke my arm and you want to talk about how bad your broken fingers hurt?”

  He held his right hand up. “Look at this pinky! It’s never healed right. It’s still crooked!”

  “Barely noticeable! What about scars? Got any of those?”

  Castiel dropped his hand and grinned. “Why? They turn you on?”

  “Scars are pretty hot,” he admitted.

  Pulling up his pant leg, Castiel pointed to a two-inch white line on the side of his leg. “I have this and a couple more small ones from a dirt bike accident when I was seventeen. Another bike crashed into me. It was a shitty day, but at least no broken arms, unlike some people who get taken out by wet pavement.”

  “Hey, there was ice!” Dean laughed. He stood from his chair and came closer, starting to unbutton the red flannel shirt he had on. “When Sammy and I were little, my dad thought it was important that we learn how to fight, including with a knife. One time, we were practicing...”

  Castiel knew Dean was still speaking because his mouth was moving. He couldn’t hear anything though. His eyes were laser focused on the skin being revealed after each undone button. His body felt numb. It was as if every fiber of his being, every ounce of energy was being put into his sight so could truly appreciate what was happening, so it could be burned into his memory in vivid detail. With the shirt fully open, revealing the toned chest and abs underneath, he saw Dean pointing to a scar across his upper right chest and then down to another near his left hip. _He’s showing me scars._ Sound and feeling came rushing back so fast it was almost painful.

  “...and he got me good. Took about fifteen stitches. He’s got his own, too, though. Eventually, we learned to control ourselves better and not actually hurt each other.”

  He wished he had heard more and knew better what to say. Something poking out from under the left side of Dean's shirt caught his interest. “What’s this?” He stood and stepped closer, could feel Dean instinctively wanting to step away, but holding his ground. Reaching out, he pushed the material to the side, fully revealing the tattoo underneath.

  Realizing what he was doing, Dean relaxed. “Oh. Yeah, that’s another family thing. Sam and I both have one. It’s a reminder.” His breath caught as he watched Cas lean in closer to his tattoo, beginning to gently trace the outline with his finger, seemingly entranced.

  “Reminder of what?” he asked, not looking away from the artwork.

  “To never let the demons of your life possess you.”

  Stilling his hand, Cas raised his eyes. “What demons do you have, Dean?”

  Dean couldn’t answer. He could barely breathe. Castiel’s touch was heating his skin and he felt like he was going to drown in those ocean-blue eyes.

  Castiel dropped his gaze from Dean’s eyes to his lips and back. A blatant question.

  This was too close and Dean didn’t want to fight it anymore. He felt like he would suffocate without Castiel’s lips finally meeting his. He started to nod.

  “Whoa! Am I interrupting something?”

  Both men turned to the door. Castiel straightened up and dropped his hand. A tall man stood in the doorway, holding a box. He'd never seen him before, but Emily had described him. _This must be Sam._

  “Just comparing scars,” Dean said, beginning to button his shirt back. “Showing him what an ass you were.” Motioning between them, he said, “Sam this is Cas. Cas, Sam.”

  Sam stepped inside and sat the box by the door, coming over to shake hands. “Nice to meet you. Cas was it?”

  “Castiel, actually.”

  Acknowledgment dawned on Sam’s face. “Oh! You’re the one who runs the deli, right? Emily had mentioned you before when I was getting doughnuts. Do you guys really make them? They’re amazing!”

  Castiel smiled. “Yeah, we sure do.” The mention of Emily reminded him that he had been gone for longer than intended. Looking down through the dark window, he saw she was fine, but knew he needed to get back. “Speaking of, I have to get back. Nice to meet you again, Sam.”

  “Likewise.” Sam stepped around Dean, going to his desk.

  Cas and Dean locked eyes, both knowing how close they had just gotten to a point of no return.

  “Later, Dean.” Castiel said as he turned to leave. It sounded like a farewell.

  Dean heard it for the promise it was.


	8. Chapter 8

   “I see you got the bookcases put together,” Sam said as he shook the one behind his desk, making sure it was sturdy. “I’m pleasantly shocked.”

   Dean was back at his desk, working on one of their client’s websites. “Yeah. Cas helped,” he replied absentmindedly while adding in some of the required text.

   Hearing the lower door to the stairwell close, Sam came over to sit on the arm of the couch, hands on his knees, looking pointedly at Dean.

   Noticing his brother’s gaze, he glanced up. “What?”

   “You want to tell me what that was all about?”

   “What what was all about?

   “Really, Dean? You’re going to stick with the scars thing?”

   Dean stopped what we was doing to frown at his brother. “What are you talking about?”

   “I’m talking about walking into a room so full of tension that it hit me like a brick wall. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine, but I just want to tell you to really stop and think. You have a good thing and I don’t want you to fuck it up, especially in this way, knowing how Lisa feels about it.”

   “I don’t know what you think is going on, Sam, but you’re wrong. I made a new friend. What the hell is wrong with that?”

   Sam raised his hands in defeat. “Nothing. Nothing at all. You’re right. Glad you made a new friend.” He left the couch and returned to his desk. After several minutes, he finally had to say one last thing. “Just be damn sure about what you want and be honest with her.”

   Dean glared at his computer screen and didn’t respond.

 

   Emily had a huge smile as Castiel walked up to the counter. “What were you doing up there, sir?” she asked.

   “Nothing of import,” he replied. “Had many customers?”

   She had no intention of letting him off the hook that easy. “Not many. It’s nice to see you finally take an interest in someone after all this time.”

   Castiel knew they had been friends for too long for her to just let it go. “Emily, I wasn’t lying about him being married. He really is. Any ‘interest’ would be wasted. He’s nice though and fun. Wouldn’t hurt to be friends, right?”

   Emily believed him about the marriage this time, but she also knew the attraction between them was real. “I don’t know. Do you want to have a friend that you pine over?”

   “I don’t pine.” He sighed heavily when he saw her skeptical look. “Fine. I like him, but I’d rather have him as a friend than nothing at all. We’re going to hang out Saturday.”

   That perked her interest. “Really? Whose idea was that?”

   “His. Why? Is that meaningful?”

   She shrugged. “What does it mean when you ask a guy out twice?”

   “It’s not a date. We’re going bowling and then to shoot some pool. Those are activities that can be done with friends. We’re not going on a gondola ride through the tunnel of love on the way to a picnic under the stars.”

   “Really? Because I think you should totally do that! Sounds like fun,” she laughed.

   Rolling his eyes, Castiel walked around to the entrance into the back of the deli. _It’s not a date._ After what happened upstairs, he wasn’t totally sure. It seemed like he was going to get to kiss Dean. _Dean. Beautiful, muscled, tan, Dean._ Sitting at his desk, he let the fresh memory of Dean unbuttoning his shirt, fill his mind. _So fucking beautiful...and those lips._ Being so close, the thought of sucking on that full lower lip had been so strong. _I was so close. He was going to let me. I think he was… Goddamn his brother and the fucking timing!_

   Despite telling Emily that he would like to have Dean as a friend, he knew that after what just happened he was desperate for a chance to be with him. He had to hope that Saturday, whether a date or not, would offer the chance to finish what never got started. If nothing happens though… Castiel sat back with a groan. _Fuck. I would definitely be pining._

  

   No text message came to his phone as it had the days before. It made Castiel wonder if he was pining already. It had only been a couple days, but he’d been enjoying their day-long conversations. Not having that was making him start to rethink his interest in Dean for the hundredth time.

   He tried not to focus on it too much. After all, Sam was back after being gone for a while. There was always the chance they have a lot to catch up on. It was part of what kept him from sending a text of his own, convincing himself it would be interrupting. The other part was worry that he wouldn’t get a response. 

   As he walked into his neat and tidy apartment that evening, he had to wonder if he was becoming obsessive. Ever since Dean had walked up Monday, at least ninety percent of his thoughts revolved around him. Even when he laid down to sleep, he’d fall asleep wondering how many stars were spinning in Dean’s green eyes to make them so bright. His dreams weren’t far off from reality. Always being so close, but never close enough. Now, he had the feel of Dean’s skin making his palm itch, wishing he could have touched more.

   Grabbing a water from the fridge, he plopped down on his couch and turned on the TV, catching up with the news of the day. Another lying politician and a Hollywood scandal were not enough to keep his brain from ending up back in the office, imagining what would have happened had Sam not showed up right when he did. Had Dean said okay, Castiel would have his mouth on his instantly with a hand on his hip to pull them flush together. The other would have pressed firmly over that tattoo, the reminder. _‘To never let the demons of your life possess you.’_ He really wanted to know if Dean considered his attraction to men a demon to fight.

   Saving the thought for later, he returned to his imagination. _What more could have happened? Would he have let me show him how good my cock-sucking skills are?_ Seeing himself dropping to his knees as he undid Dean’s jeans was a nice image that had him shifting to make more room for his growing erection. The more he thought about looking up into Dean’s lust-glazed eyes, feeling his hand on his head, the harder he got.

   Needing relief, he flicked the button on his slacks and slid the zipper down so he could reach in and pull out his cock. As he began to lazily run his hand along himself in long, slow strokes, he tilted his head back against the couch and continued with his thoughts. _I wonder if he tops or bottoms._ Castiel had done both, but a bad experience made him top only. He had a feeling about Dean though. _I bet he thinks he’s a top. I bet I can prove him wrong._

   The scene in his mind changed from being on his knees to having Dean bent over the arm of the blue couch, his bare ass in the air. _He’d be begging because he needs it so badly. Living his heteronormative life with his little wife must be killing him when what he really wants is a hard cock._

   Castiel stood from his couch and, leaving his pants hanging open, went to his bedroom. His fantasy self might not need lube, but it would make things smoother and more enjoyable for his real self. He pulled open the drawer in his nightstand, grabbing the small bottle of lube from inside. Squirting a small bit in his hand, he stayed standing next to his bed and then returned to his fantasy. As he pushed into his lubed hand, he imagined pushing into Dean.

   Even if Dean had been with a man before getting married, Castiel truly doubted that he’d cheated since. That meant at the very least, ten months without having his ass fucked. _He’d be so fucking tight._ Castiel tightened his grip to mimic the feeling and began to stroke in time with the thrusts in his fantasy.

   Each stroke had him pushing deeper, making Dean moan as he finally began to have the hunger inside of him quelled. _God, I’d love to make him moan._ Being the one to give Dean the fucking he so desperately needed brough a heady satisfaction to his dominate side, the side that wanted Dean for more than a night.

   If it wasn’t a fantasy, he’d take his time, but it had been too long since he’d even so much as jerked off and Castiel was already close to cumming. He let his head loll back as he increased his stroking, rocking his hips at the same time. He could feel the tightening inside as his pleasure continued to increase. _Tell me how much you need my cum!_

    _‘Fuck, Cas! I need it so badly! Cum inside me! Please, I need it!’_

   Hearing fantasy Dean’s words was enough to bring his rising orgasm to it’s peak. He groaned aloud as the bliss exploded through him and he began to shoot lengths of warm cum across his bedspread. He continued stroking, only slowing down as the pulse of his orgasm faded and he squeezed out the last bit of his white cream from the tip of his cock.

   Exhausted, he looked down at the mess he’d made. _Fuck._ He went to the bathroom to clean up and changed into a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt. He yanked the top cover off the bed and carried it down the hall to his washer. He threw the gross garment in along with a laundry pod and set it washing.

   He had meant to eat when he got home, but he hadn’t realized how badly he’d wanted to cum. Dean had done that to him. As he got himself a sandwich, he had to wonder if Dean had ever gotten off thinking about him. A little smile pulled at his lips. _Maybe I’ll ask him sometime._  


	9. Chapter 9

   Castiel was trying not to mope as he counted their boxes of coffee stirrers. There was nothing to be upset about. That was something he logically knew, but he was still feeling down. He had been at work for about twenty minutes when he heard his phone ding. He tried not to hold his breath while checking the notification. Seeing Dean’s name had instantly brought a smile to his face, but the words took it away.

   Dean: _Out of the office today. Will see you tomorrow at six._

   He didn’t respond. He couldn’t say what he wanted to say so there was no point in saying anything. The fact was that he wouldn’t be hearing from Dean until tomorrow evening. He hated that it was going to take that long, but at least then they would be spending the whole evening together. Castiel tried to uplift his thoughts with how the night out could actually go.

   Emily found him twenty minutes later staring blankly at the straws. “You okay, boss?”

   He actually jumped a bit as he hadn’t heard her come up.

   “Not like you to scare so easily,” she giggled. “Were you in some far off land?”

   His cheeks had pinkened up a bit for being caught daydreaming. “Something like that.”

   Seeing his flush, she grinned wider. “Was Dean there with you?”

   Knowing his face told her the answer, he asked her what she needed. “I know you didn’t come back here just to mess with me.”

   “Actually, I did. I’m bored. Come people-watch with me.”

   Castiel decided it would be good to do something that would give his mind a break from Winchester. It didn’t work. He learned he could carry on a perfectly normal conversation and discuss other people with Dean constantly at the edge of his thoughts. _Tomorrow cannot come soon enough._

 

   It was five til six on Saturday and Castiel was standing in the parking lot of their office building, leaning against his car. He’d fought a lot about what to wear. His casual was similar to Dean’s everyday attire so he tried to dress down. Instead of just wearing one of his new button-ups, he put on a vintage style gray t-shirt that he’d spent too much on at Abercrombie and wore a black button-up open over it. His dark jeans were a loose fit that would allow him to move better for bowling.

   He had managed to not send any messages to Dean to ask if they were still on. As he watched the minutes tick by though, he started to think he should. It was two after when he finally pulled out his phone. That was also the moment a black muscle car pulled into the parking lot, heading his way.

   It pulled up next to him and there was Dean in the driver’s seat, looking like sin personified. He rolled down the window and turned down the too-loud rock song. Looking up to Cas, he smiled when he saw him checking out his beast of a car. “I know! She’s gorgeous, right? I’m driving so you might as well get your ass in.”

   Castiel only smiled in response as he walked around the car to the passenger side. He had barely gotten the door shut before Dean had the car moving again.

   “Bowling alley is on Fourth, right?” Dean asked.

   “Yep.” He took a moment to take in the gorgeous sight next to him. Dean was in a black Metallica shirt and fashionably ripped jeans. Castiel had to wonder whether they were indeed fashionable or if the jeans had just been worn to that point. Looking around the car, there was nothing in it that he could see. It was immaculate. “I’ve never seen this car in the parking lot before. I think I would have noticed.”

   “Baby’s not my daily driver. She’s my fun car.” He lovingly ran a hand along the dash.

   Castiel wasn’t sure if it would be awkward between them after their almost moment in the office, but Dean seemed to be letting it go, so he was content to do the same. “Baby? You call your car Baby?”

   “Yeah, because she is my baby,” he answered defensively. “This was my dad’s car. He kept her perfect and now I do. She’s a piece of Americana, ya know. She needs to be loved and cared for and pampered.”

   In the short time he’d known Dean, he’d never seen him so emotive over anything...or anyone. With a wry grin, Castiel asked, “Does your wife ever get jealous of Baby?”

   It was a risky question, but Dean burst out laughing. “Sometimes, yeah, I think she does. Old cars like this need a special hand so I don’t trust her to anyone else. Any work she needs, I do myself.”

   “Can’t put a bookcase together, but can easily take care of a dated car,” Cas mused.

   “Not dated, classic. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. My weakness just happens to be assembling furniture.”

   “Ah, well, know that I know that, if you try to overthrow the world, I know IKEA will be key in our victory over you.”

   Laughing again, Dean said, “Fucking IKEA, ruining my plans for world domination.”

  

   At the bowling alley, Dean was not playing well. “Damn it!” he growled as he missed the four pins that had been left standing from his first ball.

   Cas just laughed. “What the hell? What happened to Dean Winchester, bowler extraordinaire?”

   “Shut up. It’s been a while. I’m rusty. I don’t see you doing much better.”

   It was true. Castiel had more than a few zeros on the scoring grid thanks to gutter balls. “Yeah, but I’m supposed to suck.”

   “Shut your mouth and take your turn or I’ll give you something to suck.” It was the kind of thing he’d throw out to any other friend. The second the words came out of his mouth, the realization of how literal that could be taken with Cas hit him and he could feel himself starting to blush. He looked up to see Cas still sitting across from him with a grin.

   “Was that supposed to be incentive to bowl or to stay?” He was smiling so wide it felt like his face would split in two. He couldn’t help it though. Not when Dean was making it so easy to tease him.

   With a sigh and a little smile at his own stupidity, Dean waved at the lane. “Go bowl.”

   “Yes, sir.”

   While he was bowling, Dean took the moment to order a couple burgers and fries along with a pitcher of beer to be delivered to their lane. It was all done from a touchscreen each lane had. He was even able to pay through it.

   When Cas came back and saw what he was doing, he offered to pay for his half, but Dean wasn't having it.

   “Nope. Bowling was my idea so I’m the one buying. You can get drinks when we play pool.”

   Cas nodded. “Sounds like a fair trade.” In his mind, he was trying not to be too excited over the fact that Dean bought him dinner. _It’s a very date-like thing to do._ It was true that friends buy each other food back and forth all the time, but this seemed like more than hanging out. Without knowing for sure though, he wouldn’t say or do anything that might make it seem like he thought it was a date. He was too afraid his own desire to have Dean could be messing with his perception. It left him wondering though.

   They were on their second game and Dean was up when the food was delivered. He had managed to knock down nine pins and was feeling pretty good about it. When he turned around though, it was to find Cas had a cute, little, redheaded girl practically in his face. It was in that moment that he realized he didn’t know whether Cas was bi or gay. He certainly didn’t seem to mind the girl. Dean walked up to the table where the girl had sat their tray with their food, plastic cups, and pitcher of beer.

   “If you want to learn, we have classes on Tuesday nights. I work Tuesdays, too,” she said with a wink, getting a grin from Cas. Turning her attention to Dean, she smiled and gave an enthusiastic, “Great job with that shot!”

   He didn’t return her smile. Just popped a fry in his mouth and said, “Ketchup.”

   “Ketchup! Right!” She turned to Castiel, placing a hand on his chest. “I’ll be right back.”

   “Friend of yours?” Dean asked once she had walked away.

   “No. Never met her before she brought the food.” He sat down to start picking at his food.

   Dean grabbed another fry. “Oh. She’s cute.”

   “Is she? I didn’t notice.”

   “Really? You seemed into it.” He didn’t wait to hear what Cas had to say, instead, going back to bowl his second ball. It hit the remaining pin, knocking it back into the darkness of the pin sorter. “That’s better.” Turning back, he clenched his fists as he saw the girl was back and actually perched on Castiel’s knee as she was writing something on a piece of paper. _Her number, I’m sure._

   She looked up in time to see Dean glaring at her as he came back and smartly took off.

   Sitting down across from Cas, he sees the page from her waitress book that does indeed have a phone number on it. He spins it around to read her name. “Chelsea. Going to take Chelsea somewhere nice?” he asked, trying to hide his annoyance.

   Cas tilted his head as if confused by the question. “Why would I do that?”

   Dean shrugged. “Girls usually like nice places for dates.” He took a bite of his burger and then looked to Castiel to see him trying to suppress a laugh.

   “Yeah, I guess they do. What can I say, Dean? She’s just not my type.”

   “Don’t like redheads?”

   “I do like redheads. They usually have freckles and I especially like freckles.”

   Dean looked back down at his tray of food. It was a compliment for his benefit and he knew it. He’d never really been fond of his multitude of freckles, but he was certainly thankful now. He wanted to be sure though about Castiel’s sexual preference. He wouldn’t mind him being bi since he was himself. It would just be nice to know. “Then sounds like she fits your type.”

   Castiel actually laughed now. “Dean, I’m a nice guy and if the stupid girl wants to flirt, that’s fine. She’s not hurting anyone and I find it amusing. Without a cock, I’m just not interested.” He turned the cups upright and poured them each a beer. “Why do you care?”

   Content that Chelsea was not getting anywhere with Cas, Dean felt like a weight was lifted off him. He hadn’t expected to be bothered so much by that. He shrugged again. “Just trying to be a supportive friend.” He grinned when Cas rolled his eyes. “Go. Your turn.”


	10. Chapter 10

_ Supportive friend. Ha! _ Castiel was amused by Dean’s reaction to the waitress. He was used to women coming onto him and it never bothered him. Often times it helped him learn new things to do or say or what not to do or say when flirting himself.

   After they finished up their third game, Cas cleaned up the table, putting all the trash on the tray that had been left. He made sure that Dean saw him put Chelsea’s number on the tray, as well, before tossing it all in the trash and leaving the tray on top. 

   “Well, you kicked my ass on three out of three. Now, it’s my turn. You ready for some pool?”

   Dean nodded. “Yep, but don’t get cocky. I could beat you at this, too.”

   Castiel was about to make a comment about not being able to help how ‘cocky’ he was, but realized he and Dean had started walking in opposite directions. “Where are you going? Pool tables are this way.”

   “Yeah, we’re not gonna play here.” Dean was actually looking past Cas when he said it. 

   Turning to see what he was staring at, he saw Chelsea behind the diner counter, trying to pretend like she hadn’t just been staring in their direction. “Dean…”

   “No reason for you to be harassed all night. Come on.” He was backing up towards the door. “They got pool tables at that tea place?”

   Castiel followed after him. “The tea place? You mean The Tea Cup? Dean, I don’t think that would be  _ your  _ cup of tea, if you know what I mean.”

   “It’s just a place. Does it have pool tables or not?” He pushed the door open as he backed into it, holding it open for Cas. 

   “Yeah. There’s a few.” Castiel couldn’t follow the train of thought. If Dean didn’t enjoy seeing him getting hit on, then going to a gay bar was not a good idea. “We could go to Fishbone instead. It would be less crowded.”

   “Nah. Tea sounds good.” Dean walked up to the passenger side of his Impala to unlock the door and pulled it open, waving for Cas to get in. 

   Thoroughly bemused by Dean’s behavior, Castiel slid in, letting Dean shut the door.  _ If he keeps this gentleman shit up, I’m going to start thinking it is a date and act accordingly. _ He had been behaving fairly well, letting Dean set the tone for their interactions. He knew he could turn up the heat and have Dean a quivering mess of anticipation in short order. Without being sure, he wouldn’t risk their growing friendship.

   Castiel gave directions to Dean as they pulled out. It wasn’t far from the bowling alley, maybe fifteen minutes. He didn’t want to admit that he was a little nervous about going to The Tea Cup. It had been almost two months since his big mistake. He had been out on a Saturday night, feeling shitty and really missing Marcus, getting drunker than he needed to be. Drunker than he’d ever been actually. To the point that when the moderately handsome guy in a suit whispered in his ear that he needed a bottom, Castiel had willingly followed him to the bathroom. 

   He’d let himself be pushed against a stall wall and taken from behind. The guy in a suit kept kissing the back of his neck and whispering at his ear about how Castiel was the hottest guy he’d ever fucked and how his ass was perfect. It hadn’t taken the guy long to cum and fill the condom he’d worn. As expected in these kinds of situations, the guy said, “Thanks for that,” and left. Not once through the whole thing had Castiel even gotten hard.

   He’d never done anything like that before and it only made him feel worse about himself as a person. He’d pulled up his pants and left the bar as quickly as possible, needing to get to the air outside. There, the cool breeze had helped a bit. Walking around to stand at the side of the building, he thought about what he’d just allowed to happen and ended up throwing up. It was a night of realization for him and the start of some healing.

   Castiel had been back twice since then, but never stayed late. He didn’t know if the suited man was local or just passing through, but he didn’t want to chance seeing him and feeling shame all over again. He hoped with Dean at his side tonight it wouldn’t matter if the guy was there.

   The large effeminate man checking ID at the door recognized Castiel immediately and extended his hand. “Castiel! It’s been a while, man! Where you been?”

   Shaking the man’s bear-like, manicured hand, Castiel smiled. “Hey, Ollie! Just had a lot going on. How is tonight?”

   He shrugged. “Usual. Not too bad right now. Give it another hour though and it’ll be getting a little warm in there.” Ollie looked at Dean. “Is this your new man?”

   Cas grinned as he stole a peek at Dean who was looking a tad embarrassed. “Nah. Just a friend.”

   “Ah, gonna be each other’s wingman?”

   Castiel was surprised when Dean answered. “Just here to play some pool.”

   Ollie seemed surprised, as well. “Just for pool? Castiel, did you bring a straight man to a gay bar?”

   “It was his idea and I don’t think he’s as straight as he acts. Gonna find out though,” Cas said with a wink, making Ollie laugh.

   “Well, have fun with that!”

   Castiel headed past Ollie into the bar with Dean right behind him. The lights were already low and the music pumping loud. Quite a few people were on the dance floor and gathered at the bar. He knew Ollie was right. It would be a busy night. 

   They had two options for a pool table. There were two in the corner to the right or two in the back corner across the room. Castiel decided it would be more fun to take Dean across the dance floor to the ones on the other side, letting him get a real feel for what to expect. “This way.”

   The dance floor wasn’t too crowded yet so getting through shouldn’t have been difficult. The people on the dance floor though we’re quick to suddenly be in your space. Dancing a few steps with different people every now and then was enough to keep the forward momentum. Castiel had assumed Dean would follow his lead. He was wrong. 

   “Cas!”

   Looking back, he saw Dean had gotten himself trapped between a grinding man and woman. He had his hands up, looking like he was being robbed at gunpoint.  _ He really is too damn cute. _ Cas went out and extracted Dean from the couple. With an arm around Dean’s lower back, he was able to guide him over to the quieter corner where the pool tables were. 

   Dean didn’t know what he had expected, but he was definitely out of his element. He was looking around wide-eyed, making sure he knew where the exits were and the best places to stand to keep people from sneaking up on him. 

   As Castiel put quarters into the pool table, he kept an eye on Dean. “You need to calm down, Dean. People around here love a newbie. Keep acting like an antelope, you’ll find lions lining up.”

   Dean moved around the table closer to Cas, watching the people on the dance floor. “I thought this was a gay bar. Why was that chick rubbing herself on my junk?”

   “Don’t know,” he admitted as he began to rack the pool balls. “Couples sometimes come through here, cruising for a guy or gal to take home with them and, despite how Ollie acted, there are straight people here on occasion.” He could tell Dean was feeling slightly uncomfortable, even in the relative safety of the corner where they were the only ones. “Dean, we don’t have to stay. We can go somewhere else.”

   “What? No.” If this was someplace that Castiel liked, then he wanted to get used to it. He knew he should feel more comfortable as he did fit in there, but he had been living a straight life for a while now. “Let’s just play and get some drinks. I’ll settle down.”

   “Alright. You break.” Castiel called a server over and ordered a couple of the bar’s specialty drinks. They had enough liquor that Dean would be feeling better in no time.

   Dean broke the rack well, knocking in two of the striped balls. His next shot was a miss. 

   As Cas lined up his shot, he asked Dean, “So why here?” He easily knocked in the solid and moved around the table for his next. “Why did we have to play pool here?” Second shot and another solid ball pocketed.

   “You made it sound like a fun place. I wasn’t expecting such a dark, loud setting. It’s more like a club than a bar.”

   “True. It is a little loud, but people get a little loud. It’s better if you don’t hear them sometimes,” he grinned. His third shot was a miss. Dean wouldn’t know, but he missed on purpose. 

   They traded a couple missed shots and then their drinks arrived and were set on a tall table against the wall.

   Dean looked at the slightly fizzy blue concoction like it might suddenly come to life and kill him. “What the hell is this?”

   “Just try it. It’s got a blue raspberry flavor.”

   He took a sip and considered. It was a lot like a sour blue raspberry jolly rancher and his tongue and lips where the liquid touched were pleasantly tingling. He took a bigger taste and smiled. “Damn. Who knew fruity drinks could be so awesome?”

   “Is that a gay joke?” Cas asked with a stern face. 

   His eyes went wide. “No! I didn’t mean…”

   Castiel began to laugh. 

   Realizing he was kidding, Dean visibly relaxed. “Dude! Don’t do that!”

   “Aww! Come on! How could you think I was serious? I don’t see many bi men making gay jokes.”

   It was the first time his sexuality was being pointed out. It was the truth so there wasn’t any point in denying it. “Yeah, I guess not.” He downed the rest of his drink. “My shot.” He walked back to the table to see what options he had.

   His answer had pleased Castiel. He could have said that he wasn’t bi or that it didn’t matter since he was married. The latter seemed unlikely though since Cas hadn’t failed to notice that Dean once again wasn’t wearing his ring. Not being in denial made things easier. 

   After another of the blue drinks, Dean was feeling a very pleasant buzz and working on a third drink. Castiel was going to allow one more and then cut him off. There was a difference between lowered inhibitions and someone who just couldn’t think clearly. These drinks were powerful and he knew Dean wasn’t realizing it as he enjoyed the flavor. 

   The bar had started filling up and eventually, a couple college-aged guys came up and asked if they would be willing to play doubles. Dean had only gotten worse as he drank, but Castiel was still easily sinking shots. “Up to you, Dean.” He didn’t want him to have to interact with more people than he wanted to. 

   “Sounds good. Let’s rack up.”

   The fair-haired guy with the hipster glasses was Thomas and the one with the spiky dark hair was Ricky. They said they were friends out looking for anything to ease the boredom of a Saturday night. 

   The first game went pretty well with everyone getting a feel for the others’ styles. Everyone except Dean whose only goal was to pocket a ball like he was supposed to. It was towards the end of that game that Castiel noticed Ricky had his eye on Dean. He kept edging closer when they talked between shots, touching unnecessarily. 

   Unlike Dean, the flirting didn’t bother Castiel. For one thing, they had told the other men they were friends, as well, so there was no reason to think flirting with one would upset the other. For another, it was giving him an opportunity to see how Dean would respond to a different guy coming on to him. Unfortunately, with his fourth drink finished and another one in his hand that he’d ordered before Cas could stop him, Dean was being very amiable to their new friends. As long as Ricky didn’t get overly handsy or try to tempt Dean to the bathroom, Castiel stayed out of it.

   Dean was feeling more and more comfortable as the night went on. He was really starting to like The Tea Cup with their too strong drinks and low light. It helped to have a couple other people to distract him from staring at Cas who looked to really be in his element here. His brain was getting especially fuzzy though and he knew he had to stop drinking, but he’d ordered a fifth drink anyway. He was enjoying the fun, drunk feeling, as well as the on-going tingling he was experiencing with each sip.

   “You have gorgeous lips,” Ricky purred to the smiling Dean.

   “Thanks. They feel all tingly now.” Dean touched his own lips as if the feeling would transfer to his fingers and was sad when it didn’t. 

   “Can I touch?” Ricky asked.

   “It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t work,” Dean said with some aggravation, still staring at his non-tingling hands. 

   Cas was the one shooting at the table, but he made sure to keep them in his sight as they faced each other, each leaning a shoulder against the wall next to the table with the drinks.

   Since he had said it didn’t matter, Ricky took that as permission and reached up to run a finger along Dean’s bottom lip and ended up getting his hand smacked away. 

   “I said it doesn’t work!”

   Castiel failed at suppressing his laugh and ended up missing his shot for his efforts. 

   “Sorry, Dean,” Ricky apologized and, smart boy that he was, he decided to play along. “Maybe the tingling only works on lips. Maybe you should try a kiss.”

   “You think so?”

   Castiel’s grip on his pool stick tightened. Ricky was pushing his luck.  _ Better hope he turns you down, boy, or you will be riding this stick home.  _

   “I mean, it wouldn’t hurt to see, right? Worse case scenario there’s no tingle transfer, but you’d still have an amazing kiss with someone who thinks you’re one of the hottest guys he’s ever seen.” Ricky was really selling it, scooting in closer to Dean and placing a hand softly on his chest. 

   Seeing their eyes meet, Castiel was done. He was going to break Ricky’s hand and leave with Dean. Before he moved though, Thomas missed the eight ball he tried to pocket. 

   “It’s your shot, Dean,” Thomas said, annoyed over his miss. 

   “It  _ is _ my shot,” he said, sounding like it was some sort of cosmic revelation. 

   “For the kiss?” Ricky said, hopefully.

_ Try it again. I fucking dare you _ , Castiel thought as he glared at him.

   “I should take my shot.” Dean pushed away from the wall and moved towards the pool table. 

   Cas watched Ricky’s face fall and enjoyed the dejection. He knew that it wouldn’t stop him from trying again so Castiel made the decision that they were leaving after this game. When Dean stepped in front of him, blocking the view of the kid, he was surprised.

   Meeting his eyes, the surprise was quickly replaced by shock as Dean placed a hand on either side of Cas’s face and pressed their lips together. 


	11. Chapter 11

   The kiss was such a shock to Castiel that he didn’t even get a chance to react before Dean had pulled back, though he still kept his hands on his face.

   “Are your lips tingling?” Dean asked, his voice so low that Castiel could barely hear him over the loud music.

   “Yeah. Yeah, Dean. My lips are tingling.” _Along with the rest of my body._ When his eyes opened again, Castiel was able to see Dean’s face clearly, the slight upward turn at the corners of his mouth, the swirling green starlight eyes that you were only slightly glossy. “You’re not…” Castiel didn’t get to finish the sentence.

   Dean again pulled them together and this time his lips parted, tongue deftly slipping into Cas’s mouth. Cas had looked so sexy sliding around the pool table, making almost every shot he had. The dim light had turned his pretty ice blue eyes into a deep sapphire. The confidence that he’d been exuding though was absolutely intoxicating. Dean tried to rattle that confidence, letting Ricky flirt, hoping for a reaction like he’d had over Chelsea. Hearing Ricky talk about a kiss, he wondered why he was playing this game. He knew Castiel was interested and a kiss was harmless really.

   Castiel was still playing catch up, his mind spinning. He could feel Dean’s hands falling from his face to his shoulders, down his chest to finally grip his sides, pulling him close, pool stick like a third party in their embrace. His free hand went to the back of Dean’s neck, holding onto him as their tongues twined together. It was all happening so quickly that he didn’t feel like he was able to fully enjoy everything about the moment like he wanted. Carefully, he eased back.

   The kiss was ending. Dean could feel Castiel pulling away and he didn’t want him to. His arms slid further around Cas’s waist, holding them tighter together. “I’m not done,” he growled at Castiel’s ear.  

   “Let’s go outside.”

   Reluctantly, Dean let go.

   Castiel stepped around him to put the pool stick back in the rack.

   Thomas seemed just short of laughing, but Ricky was glaring daggers at Castiel. “Just friends?” he spat. “Your _friend_ is nothing but a cocktease.” The next second found him pinned to the wall with Castiel’s forearm pressing against his throat. Judging by his terrified expression, he had not expected to be in that position.

   Voice low, deadly, Castiel spelled a couple things out for him. “The only reason you were even able to put your slutty little hand on him was because I allowed it. You are nothing but a pawn in a game you didn’t even know you were playing. Let’s face it though. Take a look at Dean.” When Ricky’s tearing eyes stayed glued to his face, Castiel nodded towards Dean’s direction. “Go on. Look at him.” He watched Ricky’s eyes dart over to Dean quickly and then back. “Did you really, honestly, truly think a little shitstain like you was capable of landing a man like that? Really? You will never be worthy of cock that good.”

   Dean was standing to the side, watching the whole thing. _Fuck! This is hot!_ It had startled him to see Cas get violent with the kid, but it was nice to have someone come to his defense like that over such a trivial remark. It may have been an overreaction, but he wasn’t going to get in the way.

   Letting his weight off Ricky, Castiel turned, face hard, body tense, and roughly grabbed up Dean’s hand, dragging him along behind him. He went around the dance floor this time instead of over it. For the most part, people took one look at his face and got out of his way. Out the door, his face softened momentarily as he called out, “G’night, Ollie!”

   Seeing him dragging Dean off, Ollie just laughed before he checked the next ID. “Yes, I guess it will be,” he said to himself.

   The two men were halfway down the side of the building, heading to the parking lot in back, when Castiel finally stopped and pushed Dean against the brick wall, mouths coming together. It was a heat that he hadn’t felt in a long time. Dean wasn’t his, but he had just acted like he was. It solidified in Cas’s mind how much he wanted him.

   Dean was the one trying to keep up with Cas now. He may not have been as out of it as he was acting, but his reaction time was still dulled, even after the sobering effect of seeing what Cas did to Ricky. He could feel Castiel’s tongue roughly rubbing against his, but as soon as he tried to respond then he’d find bottom lip getting sucked on instead. He was constantly a step behind. He managed to turn his face and gasp out, “Cas,” but it was immediately drowned out by the groan he made as Castiel moved his kisses to his neck. He was struggling for breath, trying to speak. “Cas...just...ungh...no…”

   The transformation was instant. Castiel completely let go of Dean and stepped back, panting, lips slightly swollen. He watched Dean with a hint of wariness in his eyes.

   Dean’s whole body suddenly felt cold without Cas pressing into him. “What are you doing?” he asked, confused.

   “You said no.” His voice was deep and hoarse with lust as he took shaky breaths.

   Dean rolled his eyes and reached forward, gripping the edges of the black button up Cas had on, pulling them back together. “No. I didn’t mean no. Just...slow down. Okay?”

   Castiel nodded, but still didn’t move. He waited for Dean to re-initiate the kiss and then he went slow. His tongue thrust deep into Dean’s mouth, tasting every inch and enticing his tongue to play back. It was all the passion of before but sensual and intimate. One hand rose to Dean’s face, a finger running down the sharp line of his jaw. Slight pressure on his chin made him lift his head and Cas was back to kissing and licking the area above the edge of his t-shirt.

   Dean let his head rest back against the brick behind him with a moan. “Fuck, Cas. Love what you’re doing to me.” Not wanting to be vague, he slid his arms further around Cas’s waist, tightening his hold and then pushed his own hips forward. It let Cas feel exactly how turned on he was.

   “Ungh! Jesus!” Cas had to brace himself on the wall next to Dean’s head. Catching his breath, he pulled at the neckline of the black Metallica t-shirt, revealing more of Dean’s neck, collarbone, and shoulder to worship. Leaning up to Dean’s ear, he whispered, “Dean, I want to leave a mark on you. Can I?”

   “God, yes! Just keep doing what you’re doing!”

   With permission, Cas set his lips to the area right above Dean’s collarbone and began to suck and nibble. Dean began to slowly roll their hips together and it made Castiel smile. He was as desperate for this as he had imagined.

   A group of four guys came walking from the parking lot. “Damn! Get a room!” one of them yelled to the two guys pressed against the side of the building.

   “Or at least let us join,” another said as they passed the couple, getting laughs from his friends as the group continued on.

   Cas had stopped to watch the other men until they went around the building to make sure they weren’t going to be a problem. With them out of sight, he turned back to look at the very light bruising he had given Dean. Had the men not have interrupted him it would have been much worse. He touched the area gently as he had a thought. “Dean, what is your wife going to think about this?”

    _Lisa!_  “Shit!” He pulled at his own shirt, forcing Cas to step back, as he tried to see how bad the mark was. “I can’t see. Is it bad?” he asked, with a bit of panic in his voice.

   Castiel sighed. _Not mine._ “It’s not that bad.”

   “I need to see.” Keeping his hand over the spot, he went back to the Impala so he could use the rearview mirror to check the damage. “Shit!” he said again as he saw the slight bruise.

   Cas stood next to the open car door. “Sorry, Dean.”

   He turned sideways in the seat to look up at Castiel. “No. It’s not your fault.” Dean decided to admit what he’d only told himself. “I’ve been spending this evening pretending and I let myself get lost in it.”

   “Pretending what?”

   “That I’m single...and on a date with you.”

   Cas grinned. “So, it was a date.”

   Dean smiled back. “Yeah, it would have been a date,” his face fell again, “but I’m not single. I forgot that for a moment. I have a wife. A wife that is not okay with me being...the way I am. She almost broke up with me when she found out. I told her that it was all behind me and that it didn’t interest me at all anymore.” He looked up to Castiel with pleading eyes. “I am so sorry. I don’t know what I expected or what I even wanted when I asked you to hang out. I shouldn’t have done this to you.”

   Castiel shook his head and squatted down and placed a hand on Dean’s knee. “Don’t apologize. This is the best kinda date I have been on in a very long time. Definitely the best kiss I’ve had in...forever. You didn’t _do_ anything to me, Dean. I mean, what happened with Ricky was kind of irritating and I expect an explanation about that at some point. Everything else though was so much fun. You are fun. I like hanging out with you.” He lifted a hand to Dean’s cheek, thumb sliding softly across the skin. “I like you.”

   To his surprise, Dean put his hand over Castiel’s and pushed his face harder into the touch. “I know,” he said quietly before placing a kiss in the center of Cas’s palm. He didn’t let go, just held Castiel’s hand between his as the two men stared at each other quietly. They both knew they were so close to...something, or maybe nothing. There was so much uncertainty that neither were capable of dealing with at the moment.

   Cas finally lowered his gaze and pulled his hand back, but kept his palm up. “Give me your keys.”

   Dean snorted. “Not fucking likely. I’m fine to drive.”

   “The hell you are. If I hadn’t been a good guy, you’d be in the back seat of this car with my dick in your ass right now. You’re not making good decisions. Give me your keys.”

   He stared at Cas for a moment, imagining the scene he’d just described. _Fuck, I would have really liked that._ _Why did he have to be a good guy?_   Both men stood and Dean fished his keys from his pocket and handed them over.

   “Thank you.”

   Dean nodded and rather than going around, he sat back in the car and slid over to the other side. As Castiel took his place in the driver’s seat and started the car, Dean glared over at him.

   “What?”

   “Just be easy with her.” Then as he looked out the window, he grumbled, “No one asked you to be good.”

   Cas smiled as he put the car in gear.  _Not mine...yet._


	12. Chapter 12

   “What were you up to yesterday?” Castiel asked. “Since you weren’t at work.”

   “I wasn’t at the office, but I was working. Went with Sam to meet a couple businesses that are thinking about hiring us. It was a whole wine, dine, and bullshitting day. Thankfully, we don’t have those days often.”

   “Did it go well?”

   “I’ll know on Monday.”

   Castiel continued driving back towards the office. He still wasn’t comfortable with letting Dean drive from there. “Should I take you home? I can get an Uber back to the office.”

   “Nah. I’m not going home. I’m gonna sleep on the couch in the office.”

   “That doesn’t seem like the best night’s sleep.” Cas debated for a moment. It wasn’t the best idea, but he wanted to offer anyway. “I have a guest room, if you’re interested. I promise I’d be good.”

   Dean snorted. “Yeah, I’m sure you would, but as you said, I’ve not been making good decisions so I can’t promise the same.”

   Considering that, Castiel knew it was better for him to not come back to his place. He might be able to resist trying anything else with Dean, but he was still human. _If Dean came into my room, got into my bed…_ Shaking his head of the thought, Cas focused on driving.

   At the office, the two men got out of the car and Castiel handed the keys back to Dean. “Should I walk you up?” Cas asked.

   “No. I’ll be fine. Not so drunk I can't make it up the steps.”

   They stood staring at each other for a moment before Castiel finally turned his gaze to the ground. “Okay then. I’m gonna…”

   “Cas, wait.” Dean stepped forward to grab Castiel’s arm before he could turn away, pulling him against him. “You know that I really am sorry, right?” he asked, tilting his head so their foreheads touched.

   “I know, Dean. It’s okay.” It was truly how he felt. Dean was going through something and he was using Cas to figure that out. It was Castiel’s decision to allow himself to be used in that way. He wouldn’t grab hold of Dean and pull him through, but he wanted to be the one standing there when Dean finally figured it all out.

   Dipping his head, Dean softly kissed Castiel, just a feather light touch to his lips. It was all he intended to do, but Dean couldn’t pull away without tasting him one more time. A firmer kiss and Cas opened his mouth to him, letting him in to savor the feeling it provided.

   The kiss was slow and deep and Castiel could feel himself beginning to warm. The skill Dean had with his tongue definitely had his mind wandering. He knew if this kept up things between them were going to get heated once more.

   Dean apparently realized it, too, as he abruptly pulled back. He started to turn away, but quickly jerked back to kiss Castiel one more time before he let go and started walking towards the office. “Goodnight, Cas,” he called over his shoulder, not looking back. He knew better than to look back at that confident man with his too-blue eyes and sex-hair, the man who tasted like the world’s best wine and just as heady.

   Castiel watched him until he disappeared into the office. This was a precarious situation that was going to involve a lot of patience. If there was ever a man worth waiting for though, Dean was it. Everything about him screamed to be able to let go and enjoy himself as he wanted, to give of himself like he wanted. As long as Dean had a vow to hold him back, he’d not be able to do so.

   For half a moment, Cas wished that he had made the discoloration of Dean’s skin deeper, made it to last longer and be harder to hide. Forcing a confrontation between Dean and his wife was not the right move though. This had to be Dean’s decision to make, on his own, when he was ready. Anything else could too easily lead to resentment.

   Returning to his own car, Castiel knew he had to be happy to just hold Dean’s hand through this.

 

   Dean used his keycard to enter the now locked lobby of the office building. The twenty-four hour access definitely came in handy. The gym was something he’d not tested out, but knew he’d be using the showers in the morning.

   As he climbed up the stairs, he checked his phone. It was half past one. The time had really gotten away from him. What he needed to do was call Lisa and let her know he was staying in the office. What he wanted to do was just keep thinking about the man he walked away from. Time wasn’t the only thing he had let get away from him. Common sense had left at some point.

   It was true that he hadn’t wanted to think about his wife and the responsibilities his daily life gave him while he was out with Cas. He’d just wanted to enjoy the guy’s company and then the girl at the bowling alley had to throw herself at him. It irked him again to even think about, but he knew his reaction was not one of a platonic friend. It was possessive and jealous, two things he hadn’t ever really felt, even with Lisa.

   Even before meeting Cas, he had wondered what his reaction would be to Lisa cheating on him. He tried to imagine how he would feel if he found she had someone else. He felt nothing. There was no anger, no sadness, no jealousy. He thought that meant he was above all that and capable of handling the matter as an adult, if it were to happen. Experiencing it tonight, he could definitely say that was not the case.

   In his office, he didn’t bother turning the light on. He just closed the door and then plopped down on the couch, setting his phone and keys on the floor next to him. His mind went back to how it felt being pushed into the wall with Cas on him. His mouth, his hands, his warm, hard body all being expertly used to make his body feel like it was humming with pleasure.

   He brought a hand down and softly ran his fingers over the spot where he knew his hickey was. _I haven’t had one of these since I was a teenager._ It made him grin. It was something that would normally happen in the moment when getting too wrapped up and not thinking about the outcome. He couldn’t claim that this time. Castiel had asked him, plainly and simply, if he could do it and Dean had all but begged him. He'd wanted it, wanted more than just the one. He wanted Castiel to lay claim to him. 

   Dean sat up and pulled his shirt off so he could touch the tender area. Laying back down, it was easy to feel the rough skin and remember how Cas’s mouth had felt. His hand fell from the bruise to stroke over the hard bulge in his jeans. _‘If I hadn’t been a good guy, you’d be in the back of this car with my dick in your ass.’_ Dean squeezed himself and moaned as he thought about Cas’s words. _He’s a top. Been a long time since I’ve taken a cock._

   It had been a few years since he’d last been with a guy at all and, even then, that wasn’t something they had done. Knowing how much he had enjoyed it though, he’d brought up the idea of pegging to Lisa. That had gone over like a lead balloon and she accused him of still being into guys. It was true, but he had managed to convince her, and himself, that it wasn’t.

    _And then there was Cas, looking too cute for fucking words._

   An idea came to Dean’s head as he stroked over the denim. Knowing he was safe alone and that Sam wouldn’t be in until Monday, Dean decided to take off his jeans and get comfortable. Once he was back in position with a prominent tent in his boxers, he grabbed up his phone to send a message to Cas.

   Dean: _How would you feel about me jerking off while I think about you?_

   Before a response came through his phone began to ring. Seeing it was Lisa, he decided to go ahead and answer so he could tell her he wouldn’t be home. “Hey, babe.”

   “That’s fine, but you could come home and have the real thing instead, ya know?” she answered with a giggle.

   Dean was thoroughly perplexed. “Um, what?”

   “Why jerk off when you could just come home and have me instead?”

   Realization suddenly hit him as he pulled the phone away to check his messages. _Shit! This is why I should never text drunk!_   He’d thought the conversation he’d pulled up was with Cas, but instead, he’d sent the message to his wife.

   “Dean?”

   “Sorry. Dropped the phone,” he said, trying to sound drunker than he felt. “Little clumsy. Drank more than I should have. Crashing at the office so I don’t have to drive drunk.” He knew she’d appreciate that.

   “Smart boy! I’m surprised, but happy. Guess night out with the new work buddies went well then?”

   “Yeah, it was great getting to make some new friends and hear different life stories. I’d forgotten what that was like.” There were three guys he had mentioned to her. Two that she would never meet and Cas. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to say it was just the two of them going out so he’d made it seem like a group thing. She was always cool about that as she got to hang out with her girls anytime she wanted, as well.

   “Seems like you want to be home with me though, huh?”

   “Mmm. Of course I do.” It was an effort to sound lusty when in reality he was worrying about the mistake he’d just made.

   “We could have some phone fun,” she said, surprisingly sounding hopeful.

   He chuckled. “Nah. I’d probably pass out in the middle of it. Me snoring on the phone wouldn’t be very sexy.”

   “Aww. Well, I’m gonna pout about it. I feel bad that we can’t have sex right now. I want to make you feel good.”

   “Nice to know you’re finally over being pissed about it,” he snapped before he could stop himself. “Sorry.”

   “No. You’re right. I was being pretty hateful, but this hurts a lot. Maybe we can try some things this week. At the very least I could give you head.”

   He had to smile. She was trying and that was unexpected. “We’ll see. I really just want you to get better, babe. Doing anything that's gonna make the healing take longer is not a good idea, but we can try and see if anything works if you really want to. Okay?”

   “Yeah, okay.” She didn’t sound very convinced. “I’ll see you when you get home. Love you.”

   “Love you, too. Night, babe.” Dean hung up and lay staring at the ceiling, thinking about how close he’d almost gotten. _What if I’d said something more descriptive like, ‘while I think about you fucking me in the ass’? That was too fucking close._ The tent in his boxers was completely gone and he didn’t feel like trying to get it back. He was just too tired. How Cas would react was still something he wanted to know though. Being very careful this time, he sent the text again, sure that it was to Cas alone and no one else.

   The response this time took a bit longer, but it made a lot more sense. It was a photo of Cas’s cock with cum leaking over the head and down the side.

   Cas: _I got off thinking about you so go ahead._ ;)

   Dean suddenly found the energy he needed to do just that.


	13. Chapter 13

   Monday morning, Castiel sat at his desk, staring at his phone with a happy smile on his face. It was only the thousandth time he’d done it since early yesterday morning. He’d almost fallen asleep when Dean had finally responded to the photo he’d sent with one of his own.

   He’d thought he was dreaming when he opened the message to see Dean’s spent cock laying against his body with white cum sprayed up his toned stomach and chest. It wasn’t even just the photo that had him smiling though. The attached message and the messages between them that followed kept the smile in place.

   Dean: _Wanna cum clean me up?_  
   Castiel: _Would have loved to. Guess you should have stayed with me after all._  
   Dean: _Really? So if I was with you right now, you’d be_ _licking this up?_  
   Castiel: _There would have been nothing to lick up. I swallow._  
   Dean: _I fucking hate you right now._   
   Castiel: _I don’t believe you. You want me so bad you can’t stand it._  
   Dean: _Maybe. Goodnight, Cas.  
_    Castiel: _Goodnight, Dean._

   That was all until the afternoon when Castiel decided to make sure Dean was okay.

   Castiel: _Just checking on you. You survive?_  
   Dean: _Yeah. Just got back to the house a bit ago. What about you?_  
   Castiel: _I didn’t drink as much as you did. I’m fine._  
   Dean: _We’ll fix that next time we go out._  
   Castiel: _There’s_ a next _time?_  
   Dean: _Did you not want there to be?_  
   Castiel: _Of course I do_.  
   Dean: _Then we’ll fix it next time._  
   Castiel: _I should warn you. I have a three-date rule._  
   Dean: _lol Liar! I’ll prove it._  
   Castiel: _Oh, really?_  
   Dean: _Really.  
_    Dean: _Gotta go. Talk to you tomorrow._

   The flirting had him grinning from ear-to-ear and he knew he had to look like a fool. There was no way he was going to be able to hide it from Emily. To be honest, he didn’t want to hide it. Being one of his closest friends, he knew he could talk to her about it and she’d keep quiet. She was already out front and while he’d called out a hello when he got there, he hadn’t talked to her otherwise.

   Slipping his phone into his pocket, he left his office, nonchalantly strolling up to the front like it was any other day. He attempted to school his features into his everyday expression of boredom.

   Emily smiled as soon as she saw him. “Hey, boss! Did ya have a good…” She stopped mid-question and stared at him with a grin, waiting for him to break.

   Under her intense gaze, he finally gave in and was once again smiling like an idiot.

   “Oh my god! Look at you! You are practically glowing. Did you really think you were gonna be able to hide that? You’re lit up like a neon sign.”

   He walked by her to the end of their serving area and leaned against the counter on their small side wall. This allowed him to face her, see any customers coming up, and gave him an uninhibited view of the door to Dean’s office. “Really? It’s that noticeable?”

   Her mouth was hanging slightly open as she took in his new appearance. “It’s weird. I’ve really never seen you look so happy. Are you going to tell me what an awesome time you had with Dean or should I just start guessing?”

   Castiel nodded and held up his hands to get her to calm down. “I'll tell. We met here. I rode with him to the bowling alley on Fourth. By the way, he has this amazing, sexy car. An old-school black Impala, super shiny.”

   “Your appreciation and knowledge of older cars is astounding.”

   He just shot her an annoyed look and continued on. “There’s this girl they hired to serve food at the bowling alley and she decided I was just her type.” He paused to wait for Emily to finish laughing. “Anyway, she was being all touchy, flirty, until Dean snaps at her for ketchup. She comes back while he’s bowling and actually sits herself down on my lap and proceeds to write out her phone number for me. Dean appears ready to murder when he sees her and she takes off.”

   “Wow! I told you letting girls flirt would get you in trouble eventually! Did he think you were actually interested? Does he know you’re not bi?”

   “I don’t know what he thought at the time, but we chatted some about it and I made it clear that she held no appeal to me whatsoever. Despite that, when it was time to play pool he didn’t want to stay at the bowling alley because of the girl. _He_ suggests we go to The Tea Cup and play pool there.”

   Emily’s shocked face was priceless. “Does he even know that it’s a gay bar?”

   “I had mentioned it before and while I didn’t come right out and say it, I hinted really strongly at it. There, we play pool, have some of those Blue Bombers.”

   “Oh my god! I freaking love those!”

   “I had two. I think Dean was on five by the end of the night.”

   “Five? Holy shit! Was he standing?”

   Castiel chuckled. “He holds his liquor better than most. I thought he was wasted...maybe he was, I really don’t know. I haven’t stopped to ask him about that yet. I really don't think he was as drunk as I thought at first. There were these two guys, though, that we ended up playing pool against and one of them got flirty with Dean. I wanted to see how he’d act being hit on by another guy. He didn’t particularly flirt back, but he didn’t discourage the guy either. Let him get close. Let him put his hand on him.”

   “Interesting. Those kinds of things don’t usually bother you, but you didn’t like that at all.”

   He hadn’t even realized he was frowning until she said that, but she wasn’t wrong. “I was letting it go, but Dean was acting kind of out of it. Kept talking about his lips feeling tingly.”

   “Ah, yeah. The Blue Bombers will do that,” she agreed.

   “Yeah, and through a weird turn of events, the flirty guy said something to him about kissing and I was about to break his face, especially when Dean seemed interested.” Castiel’s face turned back to his smile. “But then he walked over and kissed me.”

   Emily was all but squealing. “Oh my god! This is the best date-story you have ever told! Keep going! What happened then? Did you kiss back?”

   “Honestly, I was kinda shocked, but it was just a lip-to-lip thing. Then he kissed me again and it was definitely more and, god yes, I kissed back. He’s fucking magic. I wanted to take him out of the bar which led to me having to put the other guy in his place before getting to leave. That was kind of fun. Made out at the side of the building...up against the side of the building actually. I started to get a bit...into it and was about to leave a mark on him, but we got interrupted by a few guys and their jeers as they headed to the bar.” Castiel looked down then as he didn’t like the next part. “It kind of broke me out of this trance. It hit me that I was leaving a bruise on Dean, something that his wife could possibly see.”

   “Oh, shit! For a moment, I forgot he was married.”

   “He and I had forgotten, too. I didn’t think he was leaving her anytime soon so I asked what she would think about the mark and he freaked out over it. Despite that, he wasn’t vague about wanting to fuck around still.”

   “Did you?”

   “No. I don’t want to be worried about how hard I touch him or if I leave marks on him. If he makes a decision to leave, I want to be sure it’s because that’s what he wants. Not because he has to, ya know?”

   “What if he never makes that decision?”

   “He’ll make a decision. One way or the other. Whether it’s the decision I want, I don’t know. He’s not ready for that right now though so I’m just gonna wait and be hopeful.”

   Emily whistled. “Damn. You went from nothing going on to a freaking telenovela. Are you going out again?”

   “He mentioned it. We’ll see.”

   “I’ve never been so happy to have any one person lease a space here as I am Dean Winchester. Anything that makes you this happy has to be a good thing.”  

   Movement from the door caught his eye and he saw Sam in a nice suit, heading their way. “Shh. His brother’s heading this way.”

   “Ooh! I like him! He’s so nice!” Emily turned and waited patiently for Sam to reach the counter. “Good morning, Sam! How was your weekend?”

   He smiled back and nodded in Castiel’s direction to acknowledge him. “Can’t complain. Most of it was used to make plans for this weekend though.”

   Turning to grab a cup, she asked, “The usual?”

   “One usual, one black.”

   “So, big plans this weekend, huh?”

   “Yeah, Eileen and I had talked about doing a barbeque at the house and a friend demanded it,” he chuckled. “She wants to be introduced to all the single women we know. You single, Em?”

   “Ha! Yes, I definitely am, but I like it that way. Never been with a girl though. Maybe I’m missing out,” she joked.

   “I’m sure she can tell you all about the pros. We’re having it on Saturday at the house. How about you both come? We’ll have great food, swimming, alcohol galore, maybe some volleyball or something. Would be nice to see you both outside this little rectangle you seem to exist in.”

   Emily sat the drinks down and gave the standard answer. “That would be awesome, but we aren’t supposed to fraternize with the office lessees.”

   Sam gestured to Castiel. “Didn’t you and a couple other guys hang out with Dean this past Saturday?”

    _Other guys?_   “Yeah, um, manager privilege. If you want to go, Emily, then I won’t tell if you don’t.”

   “Really? You would come, too, right?”

   “Yeah. Sounds like a great time!”

   Emily looked thoroughly thrilled.

   Sam grabbed a napkin and a pen from his pocket to write down the address and his phone number. “It’s pretty easy to find, but if you get lost, just give me a call.”

   “Will do,” Emily replied as she took the napkin.

   “Six right?”

   “Don’t worry about it,” Castiel answered. “The kindness is plenty.”

   “Thanks, Castiel! See you guys later!” Sam took his two cups and headed back towards the office.

   Castiel watched Sam stop a few feet from the stairwell door and appear to talk to someone. That was when he realized Dean had come in the front lobby doors, dressed in a suit for the second time he'd seen. He watched as Sam handed him the coffee and went on to the door. The momentary glance Dean shot his way before following his brother up had his smile back in place.


	14. Chapter 14

   Sam laid out the two meetings that they had for the day. “Mark and Persephone are the ones with Mar-Tech and we see them at eleven. They were the ones considering handing over their basic IT to a third-party in order to give them more time to focus on investors. Then we have Corbin, Devon, and Jace with their startup, Definity, at three.”

   “Right. The three douche-keteers. I hated those guys. What did you call ‘em?”

   “Millennials and there are two types. They either have money and they run startups or they don’t and sleep on their friends’ couches. These guys have money so we like them.”

   Dean didn’t necessarily agree with that, but there wasn’t anything to be done. Clients were clients even when they were entitled pricks. Stepping into the office, he didn’t go right to his desk. Instead, he walked up to the large window. On the other side of the lobby was a window that matched theirs aside from it’s lack of tint. It allowed a nice view of the brightening sky. It may have seemed to have been what he was looking at, but he had his eyes on the man in the deli. It was nice of Sam to get him coffee, but he would have liked to have gotten to talk to Cas, as well. _Stare at his delicious lips, give him a suggestive wink, see if I could get those wonderful cheeks to blush just a bit._

   “Dean?”

   Turning to face his brother, he realized Sam had been talking. “Sorry. What?”

   Rolling his eyes, Sam tried again. “I was saying we should go over our fact sheets again to make sure we’re able to address any questions they have with answers that match their needs.”

   “Yeah. Okay.” Dean took a seat on the arm of the couch nearest Sam and stared at the coffee cup in his hand. _I wonder if I can say it’s a little cold or that I want decaf...no. He’d never believe that. Maybe I want juice or a doughnut._

   “Coffee okay? You’re staring like you’re trying to bore a hole in it with your eyes. Thought you liked the coffee from downstairs.”

   “I do. It’s fine.” He gave up on trying to find a way back downstairs.

   “By the way, I invited Emily and Castiel to the barbeque.”

   Dean kept his face passive while excitement and panic went to war inside him. “Oh? Why’s that?”

   Sam shrugged. “You and Castiel are apparently friends and Emily is sweet and funny. Figured why not. She might get along with Charlie. Wouldn’t that be something?” Sam looked up with a smile to see Dean looking out the window again. This time it was obvious that he was looking down at the deli. “Or maybe it’s a bad idea?”

   Dean took a sip of his coffee. “No, it’s fine.” He moved from the arm of the couch to the seat so he could focus. “Run facts. Go.”

 

   Dean had an hour to get some work done before their first meeting. He had a site up in front of him to work on, but his mind wasn’t in it. Glancing over at Sam, he saw his brother was fully engrossed in whatever he was doing. Holding his phone down in his lap, he put it on silent mode and sent his text.

   Dean: _Heard you’re coming to Sam’s bbq._  
   Cas: _Yeah. As long as it’s okay with you. Is it?_  
   Dean: _We have to be very, very careful, Cas._  
   Cas: _I don’t have to go. I can have something come up._  
   Dean: _I want you there. I do. Just need to be careful._  
   Cas: _I’m pretty sure I proved I can behave._  
   Dean: _You haven’t seen me climbing out of the pool._  
   Cas: _Hmm...I would definitely like you wet._  
   Dean: _Damn right, you would. Think you can keep your hands off me?_  
   Cas: _So long as you keep your “fuck me” look put away.  
_    Dean: _I’ll do my best._

   He smiled and sat his phone back down. Having Cas and Lisa in the same place was going to have him on edge the whole day. Cas was right. He was going to have to keep his expressions in check.

 

   “I’m so excited! I never get to go to parties anymore!” Emily exclaimed as they walked together to their cars. “I could actually wear that sundress that I bought two months ago!”

   Castiel was excited, as well, though for different reasons. It was obvious that Dean’s wife would be at this party. He’d like to meet the woman who had managed to lock down such a cock-hungry man. He would get to do his whole “we have so much in common” thing with her and maybe win her over. Not enough to give up her husband, but it would allow himself and Dean more flexibility in seeing each other if they didn’t have to hide his existence.

   In his mind, she was a horrible person, but he knew that was most likely not the reality. There was a chance that he might genuinely like her. However, after some thought, he was pretty sure that unless she was one of those people who reads to children, knits for homeless babies, works in the soup kitchen, and is a step-away from curing cancer, his selfish desire for Dean was still going to win out.

   “You’ve been saying you were gonna wear it every weekend since you got it. About time you do it,” he said with a laugh.

   “What are you gonna wear?” she asked.

   “Probably nothing. I hear nude is in right now.”

   She about fell over laughing. “Well, we know at least one person there will like it. See ya tomorrow!”

   “See ya.” He got in his car and considered what to do with himself for the evening. Nothing specific was coming up, but he knew one thing for sure. He pulled out his phone.

   Castiel: _I don’t want to wait til Saturday to see you again_.  
   Dean: _Good. Let’s have drinks on Wednesday._  
   Dean: _NOT at the tea place!_  
   Castiel: _lol  Okay. Come meet me at Fishbone when you leave Wednesday.  
_    Dean: _Text me the address and I’ll be there._

   Feeling better knowing he wouldn’t have to wait a week to at least get some time in with Dean, he was able to go home and really relax. The fact that Dean so easily agreed to seeing him again so soon and without any real reason was a good sign. _‘Good.’_ Castiel grinned. Dean had said, “Good,” when he told him he didn’t want to wait. It seemed obvious that Dean intended to wear down any resolve Castiel had as quickly as possible. To be fair, the resolve was not that strong. He didn’t need Dean to leave his wife to fuck him. That only mattered if there was going to be a relationship. As long as Castiel could keep his heart of the mix until he knew for sure, then all would be okay.

  

   Tuesday was a day of texting jokes back and forth. Wednesday was quiet until about an hour before Castiel was going to leave.

   Dean: _I’m still seeing you tonight, right?_  
   Castiel: _Of course._  
   Dean: _Good. I’m looking forward to it._  
   Castiel: _Me, too. See you soon, sexy.  
_    Dean: _Calling me sexy now. I like it. See ya._

   Fishbone was about as calm a place as you could get. The lights were kept dim and the classic rock that was usually playing on the jukebox was never so loud that you couldn’t hear the people you were with. There was the main floor with tables and chairs and a few booths placed about and a raised section in the back with a couple round booths. A pool table and dartboard were placed across from them. There were always a few regulars who seemed to live on their chosen barstools. Other than that, there were never more than thirty people and that would be on a busy night. The small bar could easily hold twice that.

   Being a Wednesday evening, there was a total of eleven other people in the bar aside from Castiel. When he would come here alone, he’d sit at the bar and chat with Bass the bartender about whatever was going on in the world. When he came with friends, he always chose the spot he was in now. A rounded booth in the back left corner that seemed like a world all its own, especially with the nearly non-existent lighting the raised area had.

   He’d already sent a text to Dean so he’d know where he was sitting when he joined him at the bar. Castiel sipped on his bottle of beer and waited, wondered. _What am I wanting to happen? I shouldn’t want to be screwing around like this. I can’t believe I am letting myself be this guy._ It may not have been what he wanted to do, but it was definitely what he needed. After having the feel of Dean against him once, it had become like a craving. He needed the chance to have his hands on him again and any guilt he had over it was easy enough to ignore.

   He was shocked from his thoughts as his obsession slid into the other side of the booth.

   Dean scooted around to where he was completely against the back side of the booth, only a few feet from Castiel. He already had a beer in hand as Cas had suggested grabbing before he sat down. “Cheers,” he said before guzzling down half the bottle.

   Castiel just watched. Having Dean this close again felt nice. It was calming and exciting at the same time. _I’m definitely kissing this man again tonight._

   Dean smiled that charming, I- know-you-like-me smile as he focused on Cas and his hungry gaze. “So, just couldn’t wait to see me?”

   With just the barest smile, Castiel replied, “Something like that.”

   The two men stared at each other. Neither really cared about what pretense they had for being there. They both were wanting the same thing. Like magnets, they were drawn together, hands grasping at each other’s face, arms, hair as their mouths met and tongues swirled together.

   Castiel’s deep moan sent a shiver through Dean that left him with goosebumps. Needing more, his hands slipped under the new-style black button-up that Cas had on. The heat from his body made Dean’s hand feel like it was on fire as it pressed into firm muscles underneath.

   Every flick of the tongue, every touch of Dean’s hand was savored. Castiel didn’t want to rush through things anymore. There was just too much pleasure to be had so he controlled the pace of the kiss, letting Dean truly enjoy what they could do to each other.

   A clearing throat and a thunk on their table had them jerking apart. Bass, the six and a half foot bartender with sandy blonde hair, had just dropped a food basket with a burger and fries onto the table.

   “Sorry, Bass,” Castiel managed to get out as he tried to right his disheveled experience.

   “What happens back here, stays back here. Enjoy the burger.” He went lumbering back to take up his spot behind the bar.

   Dean already had the burger in his hands and was chewing on a bite. When Cas looked at him with almost amused disappointment, he shrugged. “A guy’s gotta eat. Want some fries?”

   Taking the offer as excuse to scoot closer, Castiel’s right hand grabbed a fry while his left slid over Dean’s thigh to grip the inside of his leg.

   Dean couldn’t swallow his food, couldn’t breathe. It was like his entire throat had seized when Cas squeezed him. He grabbed his beer and used the drink to force the food down. After coughing for a moment, he reached down and took Cas’s hand in his. “I definitely want your hand here,” he said, speaking in that husky voice that Castiel was really starting to like, “but if you keep it here, I’m going to end up choking on this food. I can’t exactly choke on your dick if this takes me out first.” If Cas blushed, it was too dark in the corner to see. Considering the smug expression, he doubted it had happened. His suspicion was quickly confirmed.

   Castiel met his eyes and simply replied, “You’re definitely going to choke on it.”


	15. Chapter 15

   Castiel did remove his hand from Dean’s leg, though it was difficult. He wanted to keep a hold on the beautiful man next to him. More importantly, he wanted to set his tongue to the spot right below his ear and hear Dean groan again. He stared at the spot for a moment and then scooted away, sliding out of the booth. He needed the distance to keep himself in check so he grabbed the darts off the board and proceeded to waste time while Dean ate.

   Dean was enjoying his burger, but even more enjoyable was the view he was given of Castiel’s backside. He let his eyes take it all in and try to imagine the same view without any clothes. He made quick work of the burger, ready to get his hands on the body he was eyeing.  When he finally finished with his food, Dean stepped up behind Cas, arms going around his waist, chin on his shoulder. The possibility of there being anyone here who knew him or Lisa was almost non-existent so he felt comfortable with the show of affection.

   It was surprising to Castiel, but he easily melted into it. He let his hands rest on Dean’s arms as he leaned back against him with a contented sigh. He felt the vibration of Dean’s deep chuckle against his back.

   “Comfortable?”

   “Mmm-hmm.”

   “What am I gonna do with you, Cas?” Dean nuzzled against his neck and placed a light kiss.

   “Whatever you want.”

   “I want to make this an ongoing thing.”

   Castiel felt his heart skip a beat. “Really?”

   “Yeah, I think we should meet up every Wednesday. Spend some time with just the two of us. What do you think?”

   It was an effort to hold in his sigh of disappointment. He knew it was stupid to get so excited when logically he knew Dean wasn’t ready. Sure, he might say all the right things. He might acknowledge his attraction and even be willing to act on it, but protecting his marriage was still top priority. It was easy to pretend like it wasn’t, but they only did things that wouldn’t have any effect on Dean’s  _ other _  life. Knowing he’d always have Dean to himself at least once a week was better than nothing though. “I’d like that.”

   “Good.” Dean bit lightly at Castiel’s shoulder before seductively whispering, “I’m red.”

   Castiel’s brain tried to make sense of that, but was coming up empty. “What?”

   “The darts. I’m red.” He squeezed Cas tighter and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Letting go, he walked around him to get the darts from the board, smiling playfully back at Cas. “Something wrong, babe?”

_ Babe. This guy is gonna be my death. _  Shrugging off the shiver Dean’s sexy whisper had almost brought on, he shook his head and smiled. “Nope. I mean, nothing that won’t be made up for later.” He took the blue-winged darts that were held out to him.

   “A game of Three Oh One?”

   “Sounds good.”

   After each had taken a few turns, Castiel decided to ask about the weekend. “Is there anything I should know before going to this barbeque Saturday?”

   Dean threw his next dart and then thought for a moment. “Eileen is Sam’s wife. She’s deaf, but great at reading lips so no worries if you don’t know sign language. There will be quite a few people there. You’ll be meeting a lot of our friends. There should be lots to keep you distracted while you’re there.” He aimed and threw his third dart.

   “Keep me distracted from you?”

   “Yep.” Dean grinned as he stepped off the line so Cas could take his turn.

   “Sam said that you and I were out with ‘other guys.’ Are there other lies I should know about?”

   Dean had the decency to look ashamed. “I just grabbed a couple names from random that I heard around the building. I said it was you, Greg, and Ken that I hung out with on Saturday. I thought it would be better for Lisa to think I was out with a group.”

   That seemed odd to Castiel. Guys hang out all the time.  _ Why would her mind so easily jump to an affair over guys hanging out? _  Cas got a sickening feeling in his stomach as a possibility came to mind. “Have you cheated on her before...with a guy?”

   Dean looked up to meet Castiel’s eyes, almost seeming hurt, though he knew the question was fair. “Never. I never cheated at all. Well, until now.” He looked down at his hand, thumbing over the empty spot where his wedding ring usually sat. “I tried to think that this didn’t really count as cheating, but I guess I was lying to myself.”

   Castiel believed him when he said he’d never strayed before. He was too adamant for it to be a lie. It eased the ill feeling. Cas would have been really hurt to find out he was just one in a string of guys. “Why would she think you being out with one guy would be anything more than two guys just hanging out? Don’t straight guys do that?”

   “Honestly, she probably wouldn’t think anything about it, but because of what happened when she found out I liked guys...I just didn’t want to take the chance. I don’t want anything to mess up...this.”

   On one hand, Cas felt it was exciting to hear that Dean didn’t want her to find out because he liked what they were doing. On the other, it meant that her finding out before Dean was ready could mean the end for them. He turned and threw all three of his darts in quick succession, not caring where they landed, and then stepped up to Dean who was propped on the edge of the pool table. One hand rose to stroke Dean’s stubbled cheek. “I don’t want anything to mess this up either.” His hand slipped to the back of Dean’s neck, pulling him in for a kiss. He was done with darts. Dean was what he needed.

   Dean was happy to oblige, quickly opening his mouth so he could taste Cas, feel his tongue pressing against his own. His hands went around Castiel’s waist and slipped to his ass. As he squeezed, the small whimper from Cas went straight to his dick and the kiss slipped from passionate to obscene. They began to press so closely together it was like they were trying to mold into each other.

   “Take it outside, guys,” Bass said quietly as he came up to get the empty bottles and basket from their table.

   For the second time, Cas grabbed Dean’s hand and drug him outside. In a moment of thinking ahead, Castiel had parked at the very end of the small parking row where very little light reached. Not that there were ever a lot of people coming and going from Fishbone, but Cas went around to the passenger side where anyone else outside wouldn’t be able to see much if they did come outside. He pressed Dean up against the side of his silver Audi and continued their harsh kiss from inside. His body pinned Dean to the car while one hand held his neck and the other gripped his hip.

   Dean managed to get his hands in between them and began unbuttoning Castiel’s shirt. Once he had it undone, he slipped his hands inside, gripping Cas’s back and pulling him harder against him. The hot muscles of his back felt smooth and hard under his palm. He couldn’t stop moving his hands, trying to feel every inch.

   Castiel gasped as he felt Dean’s hands against his bare skin. It was laying a trail of fire everywhere he touched and Cas wanted more. He pulled back from the kiss in order to move his lips to the spot he’d been eyeing earlier. He suckled lightly and Dean’s low groan was almost enough to make him cum on the spot.

   They were making out like they were horny teenagers and Cas couldn’t remember the last time he’d ever been so turned on this quickly. He felt a hand leave him, creating a cold spot on his fevered back. A quick glance saw Dean was reaching for the back door handle. Cas pulled back and, grabbing Dean by the shirt, moved him past the door so they could use it. Slamming him into the car again, Cas was back to licking the side of Dean’s neck as he pulled the door handle. It snapped back out of his grasp. “Fuck!” He had to get his keys out of his pocket and unlock the door. He didn’t want to be wasting time on such trivialities. Car unlocked, he opened the door and grabbed Dean pushing him in.

   The car was not exactly designed for two six foot plus guys to be making out in. Dean was laying back in the seat as well as he could when he said, “Dude, you need a bigger car.”

   Castiel pulled his unbuttoned shirt off and tossed it in the front seat with his keys before climbing in on top of Dean. “I’ll get an SUV tomorrow,” he vowed before pulling the door shut behind him and taking Dean’s mouth once again. The ability to grind against each other was so much better, even in the limited space. He could feel Dean’s cock pressing into his hip as his own hard member was against Dean’s thigh.

   Dean was sliding his hands over Castiel’s back and down over his ass, squeezing and loving how it made Cas grind into him even harder. The move had him groaning into the kiss.

   Castiel abruptly pulled back, sitting up as much as he could and began undoing the buttons on Dean’s shirt. Buttons undone, he pushed it back and Dean moved enough to be able to pull the shirt off. There was just the faintest mark where Castiel had began to claim him before. He desperately wanted to again, to mark him as his own, but knew better. He took a moment to let his fingers flutter over that spot, then down to the tattoo before his hands pressed into the firm muscles of the chest beneath him. Dean was so beautiful and so in need.

   Dean was about to come undone underneath him. He reached up and wrapped his hands around the back of Cas’s head, pulling him back down. “Cas, please. I want you so badly.”

   Castiel nipped lightly at Dean’s jaw. “If we weren’t in a car, I promise I would be fucking you.”

   “Fuck me anyway,” he begged, feeling Cas grin against his cheek.

   “No. You deserve so much better, Dean. When I fuck you, and I do mean ‘when,’ it will be somewhere where I can take my time and enjoy every sensation, where I can tease you mercilessly and then fuck you as hard as you so desperately need.”

   “I do need you. I need you now,” he whined.

   The words almost broke Castiel. Hearing Dean saying he needed him touched that primal desire to please and protect. “Don’t worry, baby. I got you.” He reached between their bodies and gripped at the erection outlined in the jeans.

   Dean moaned and arched into Cas’s hand. “More.” He pushed up on Cas’s bare chest and when he sat up, Dean began to undo his own jeans.

   Cas watched with a little grin as Dean got his jeans open and then stopped. He looked up to the lust-blown green eyes. “What? Not gonna pull it out for me, too?”

   He shook his head. “I want to feel you.”

   “Aren’t you demanding. Easy…, but demanding. Scoot up.” Once Dean had scooted up a bit, Cas shifted down and pushed the denim aside, revealing the gray boxer briefs underneath. Leaning down, he gently kissed the strained material holding in Dean’s cock and felt it jerk against his lips.

   “Cas! You said you would tease me later! Don’t do it now. I need this.” Just then Dean’s phone started beeping. “Shit!” Lifting up, he pulled it out of his back pocket, surprised it hadn’t been smashed when Cas pushed him against the car.

   “What is it?” Cas asked, sitting back up.

   “My alarm. I told Lisa I was working late, but would be home by nine. It’s half past eight now. I have to go.”

   Castiel was not about to let that happen. He pulled down the gray boxer-briefs, exposing Dean’s cock and immediately took it into his mouth.

   “Oh, shit!” Dean’s whole body seized up as the pleasure shot through him.

   Well aware of his abilities, Castiel didn’t waste time, sucking down as much as Dean as he could, letting the head slip into his throat. Dean was big, but not too the point that Cas couldn’t deep-throat him if he had a better position. Unfortunately, the car was not allowing for that. He let the cock slip from his mouth and he looked up to Dean. “Do you still need to go?”

   “Fuck no!” His hand pushed Cas’s head back down and he happily went back to sucking. “Yes, Cas! Feels so good,” he breathed, fisting his hand in Castiel’s dark hair.

   Cas continued to bob up and down while swirling his tongue around the shaft, enjoying the near inhuman noises Dean was starting to make. If this was the last thing he ever got to do, Castiel knew he would die happy. Giving Dean what he needed, bringing him this kind of pleasure, fulfilled him in a way nothing else ever had.

   Dean had experienced more than his fair share of blowjobs in the past, but Cas hadn’t lied. None of them could compare to the skill that he had. The fact that he had never wanted anyone like he wanted Cas probably helped, but either way Dean was nearing an orgasm faster than he had expected. It made him long for the moment when they finally had time and space to really come together as slow as they wanted. “Cas, I’m close.” His vision was beginning to blur.

   Castiel came up long enough to say, “I’m gonna swallow every drop,” and then slid the cock back as deep as he could.

   Dean felt that familiar tightening in his balls. “Oh, god! Cas, I’m cumming! I’m cumming!” He groaned as he felt the explosion of pleasure throughout his body as his cock began to shoot cum into Cas’s hungry mouth.

   True to his word, he kept his mouth clamped on Dean’s cock, swallowing every spurt and then continuing to suck and squeeze until the last dribble of cum was out. Convinced he’d gotten all he could, he finally let Dean’s softening cock fall from his mouth. “You taste fucking amazing!” he said, looking up see a barely coherent Dean.

   “Show me,” he managed to mumble.

   Cas shifted himself up to be able to press his lips to Dean’s, a hand softly stroking the side of his face. Their mouths opened and tongues came together in a slow, post-bliss caress.

   Dean could taste himself in Castiel’s mouth and it made him feel sated on a deeper level, past his bones and muscles that felt like jelly. It was just a contentment that felt right to know that Cas had been the one to bring him to this point.

   Shifting back, Castiel pulled Dean’s boxer-briefs up to cover his spent cock from view then reached into the front seat to grab his own shirt. “I like you, Dean, but we have to get out of the backseat before we end up with worse pains than we’re already gonna have.”

   Dean had enough energy to chuckle and agree. While Castiel got out of the car, Dean righted his jeans and sat up to slip his shirt back on, making sure he redid all the buttons that were done when he left the house. At this level, it wasn’t difficult to see that Cas was still hard. He started to reach out, but Cas grabbed his wrist.

   “You need to go home, Dean.”

   “But you need to get off, too.”

   “Yeah, well, you can owe me one. You’re already going to be late. I’m not going to make it worse just so I can get off. I’ll go home and take care of it while thinking about how you sound when you beg,” he said with a grin. His hand moved from Dean’s wrist to his hand and helped him out of the car, kissing him when he was stood up.

   Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel’s waist and pulled him close. “I didn’t beg,” he grumbled, knowing it was a lie. One hand came back up to lightly brush against Cas’s cheek as Dean leaned forward so their foreheads touched. “Thank you, Cas.” The sincerity was clear in his voice.

   “You’re very welcome, Dean.”

   Dean’s hand moved down to Castiel’s chin, tilting his face up for a kiss that proved just how appreciative he was. It was slow, intense, and so full of the promise that Dean would make this up to him.

   It felt so strong that Cas had to lower his head as soon as it was over, fearing Dean would see the tears he had managed to pull forth with everything he gave in that single kiss.

   Dean placed a chaste kiss on his forehead. “Goodnight, Cas.”

   “Goodnight, Dean,” he answered, voice slightly choked. He turned from Dean’s arms and went around to the driver’s side of his car.

   Dean was a little surprised by the abruptness and was worried that he’d done something to upset Cas, but there was no chance to find out what. He watched the silver Audi pull out and head off down the road, turning right and out of sight. Sated, but confused, he went back to his own car to begin the drive home.


	16. Chapter 16

   “You’re late.”

   It was the first thing Dean heard when he walked through the door. Thankfully, he was only about twenty minutes late and he brought food from her favorite place as an apology.

   “Sorry. The line was long. I wanted to surprise you. Got you a slice of that cheesecake that you love.” He sat the bags down on the island in the kitchen and she came from the living room to join him.

   “Ooh! Cheesecake! You are so forgiven!” She checked the bags, grabbing the one that had her dessert. “Wanna come watch the episode of _The Flash_ I recorded?”

   “Nah. I haven’t been able to get into it. I’m just gonna shower and pass out. Long day.”

   “Okay.” She kissed him on the cheek and happily went off with her bag and a fork.

   When she was out of sight, he leaned against the counter and sighed. He didn’t know if Lisa had realized it or not, but he had been spending less and less time with her. Sometimes he would agree to watch a show with her, but he’d end up daydreaming and missing half of what he was supposed to see. He knew it had a lot to do with Cas, but the more and more he thought about it, he had to wonder if it had always been that way and Cas was just the thing that made him notice.

   It wasn’t something he liked to think about for too long. Anytime he did, his thoughts became more and more wild, tending towards chaos and that was not anything he needed in his life. It may not be a perfect life, but it was stable and normal and that was what mattered.

   As he walked to their bedroom, he couldn’t get the thought of how Cas had acted before he left out of his head. Dean had refused to send a message asking, but that was before it burrowed into his mind like a worm. It had to be dealt with or he wouldn’t get any peace.

   Dean: _Are you okay? You seemed upset._

   While waiting, Dean started the water running and got out of his clothes. He stared at the blank screen, waiting for a notification. It came quickly.

   Cas: _Not upset at all. I had a great time. Did you?  
_    Dean: _Of course I did. Best head ever._ _Don’t lie to me tho. You were upset.  
_    Cas: _Glad you enjoyed. I’m not lying, Dean.  
_    Dean: _Why did you run off at the end like that then? You wouldn’t even look at me._

   When no answer was forthcoming, he had to give up and get in the shower before he ended up running out of hot water.

 

   Castiel didn’t know how to answer that. The truth was not going to work. _No biggie. Just got overwhelmed by the fact that what seemed like an emotional vacuum is suddenly seeming a lot less...vacuum-y._ It was a good thing. It was something that made him incredibly happy, but he didn’t want Dean to know that and chance scaring him away. However, he didn’t want Dean thinking he was running away either. He had to come up with some kind of answer.

   Castiel: _I wasn’t running off. If I didn’t force myself to go, it would have been hard to watch you leave when I was wanting you that much. I like you a lot, Dean, and I’m really happy we got to do what we did. I hope there will be plenty more times. There needs to be because you owe me. ;)_

   It was over twenty minutes before he finally got a response of his own.

   Dean: _Sorry, babe. Was in the shower. You should have let me stay and take care of you._  
   Castiel: _It wasn’t what was most important at that moment._  
   Dean: _Fine. Next time I’m sucking you off before anything else happens._  
   Castiel: _Were you expecting me to argue about that?_  
   Dean: _I never know what to expect with you._  
   Castiel: _Goodnight, Dean.  
_    Dean: _Goodnight, Cas._

 

   The next day Castiel slept in, allowing Emily to open on her own. The sleep did him good and he awoke feeling like everything that happened last night was a light year away. It was easier to think he was just overreacting in the moment.

   When he finally rolled over to check his phone, he smiled. It was not what he expected to wake up to.

   Dean: _Morning, sunshine! It’s 9:00 and you’re not here. Where are you?_  
   Dean: _Cas, where are you?_  
   Dean: _If you don’t answer me by 10, I will hunt you down.  
_    Dean: _Please answer._

   He laid back against his pillows with a silly grin. _Dean might not be mine, but he apparently thinks I’m his. Why else be so worried?_ It was an interesting realization that made him think maybe holding back wasn’t really as necessary as it seemed. He held his phone up to respond, but decided on a different tact. He took a selfie of himself lying there against his gray pillows, hair in disarray, still looking a bit sleepy. The picture was sent with a note.

   Castiel: _Bed. Alone. Where are you?_  
   Dean: _Is that an invitation?_  
   Castiel: _Yep._  
   Dean: _Goddamnit! I can’t leave right now, Cas!_  
   Castiel: _lol You’re so fucking cute._  
   Castiel: _I’m gonna shower and head into work. Talk to you soon!  
_    Dean: _Later._

 

   It was eleven when Castiel finally got to work. He immediately went up front to talk to Emily. “Hey.”

   “Hey, boss. Was beginning to think you weren’t coming in today.”

   “Just needed some extra sleep. Everything going okay today?” He joined her in leaning on the back counter and watching the lobby.

   “Yep. Same old, same old. Dean came and got coffee this morning, asked if you were here.” She glanced over at him with a cheeky grin. “That seems to be going well. Are you nervous about this weekend?”

   He shrugged. “Not really. I’m just excited.”

   “To know what you’re up against?” She was far too intuitive for Castiel’s liking.

   “Something like that. I have purchase orders to send in. Let me know if you need anything.”

   “You got it.”

   Cas went back to his office to get started on the things he usually had done by this time of day. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d ever come in this late. It wasn’t like him, but he didn’t regret it. His phone dinged as soon as he sat down.

   Dean: _About damn time._  
   Castiel: _Spy much? Heard you asked about me._  
   Dean: _Wanted to make sure you were still okay after last night._  
   Dean: _Was worried when you didn’t show or answer me._  
   Castiel: _Sorry. Cute of you to worry though._  
   Dean: _Don’t do that again._  
   Castiel: _What I did last night? Well, if you really don’t want me to…_  
   Dean: _You know damn well that’s not what I mean._  
   Castiel: _So you are going to let me suck you off again?_  
   Dean: _I can’t talk to you. You’re gonna get me hard and I have to work.  
_    Castiel: _I don’t apologize. TTYL._

 

   Saturday seemed to take forever to arrive, but Castiel was up early. He wanted to look good and get himself into charming mode. Aside from the obvious, there would be people who know Dean. If they ended up together, it would be good for those people to have a good impression so that would weigh out the whole ending a marriage thing.

   He threw on some dark gray swim trunks and a white t-shirt. He packed an extra set of clothes and then left to go pick up Emily.

   She came out in the white sundress with large print yellow flowers on it and her dark ringlets tied back. A bag with extra clothes and a towel was slung over her shoulder. She tossed the bag in the back and sat in the passenger seat. “Hey, boss,” she said, cheerily as she always did. It never mattered whether they were at work or not. He’d only heard her use his actual name a few times over the years.

   “Wow! You look like a real human being!” he joked.

   “I know. I clean up nice.” She acted like she was fluffing her hair.

   “Good thing since you have a girl to impress,” he glanced over and saw her cheeks go pink. She admitted that it was actually something she would consider, but it was all new to her so it was like learning to date all over again.

   “Don’t tease me,” she said, slapping at his shoulder. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.” 

   Castiel took pity on her. “You’re going to a party that is going to be a blast. You’re going to eat, swim, and dance, maybe not in that order. You will get to meet new people and one of those people might be very interesting. That person might be really funny and think you’re super cute, which you are, by the way. That person sounds like a cool person. Don’t ya think?”

   “Yeah, sounds nice.”

   “Then it doesn’t matter if that person is a guy or a girl. You just enjoy that person. Don’t worry about anything else, especially on the first day. Okay?”

   She smiled over at him. “Okay. Thanks for that. You’re so right! There doesn’t need to be pressure. At least for me anyway. You have to win over your boyfriend’s wife. That is pressure!”

   “Gee, thanks for returning the vote of encouragement,” he said sarcastically.

   Giggling, she said, “Oh, please! You could win over anyone you want to. You got this. Whatever, ‘this’ is anyway.”

   They continued on eventually hitting the rural area outside of town. It was easy to see which place was Sam and Eileen’s judging by the amount of cars parked outside on the lawn. They showed up a bit late so they wouldn’t have to be one of the first ones there. Dean’s Impala was another clue they were at the right spot. Castiel pointed it out to Emily.

   “Wow! That is a sexy beast!” she remarked as they rolled by it.

   After parking, Castiel, ever the gentleman, took Emily on his arm as they strolled towards the house. It was a large place, looked to be two stories with a loft or attic at the top. They saw signs pointing around the house so they followed the path. Party music could be heard from up ahead. A large wooden gate was left open and on the other side was the barbeque.

   They walked through the gate to see exactly how big this get-together was. It seemed there were at least forty to fifty people. There was a large pool with its own smaller version of the Playboy Mansion grotto. It was immediately to their left. To the right, there were two huge grills that were fired up and cooking up some food that smelled delicious. A table lined with sides was next to it. A few tables and chairs were about that people could sit and eat at. Some people had chosen to eat in the lounge chairs by the pool. At the very back was a grassy area where they indeed had a volleyball net up and some guys were already playing. It took Castiel all of three seconds to see one of those guys was Dean. He was just in a pair of black swim trunks and looked hot as hell as he played.

   Sam walked up as they came through the gate. “Hey, guys! Thanks for coming! We have a ridiculous amount of food here. Drinks at the end there,” he pointed to the grills and tables, “the pool feels nice so of course hop in if you want to or join the game out back. Come with me first though and I’ll introduce you to a few people.”

   Sam took them around and they got to meet a whole slew of people that had either worked with Sam and Dean before or were just family friends. By the pool, they met a pretty redhead named Charlie. Emily had gotten the name from Sam so she would know who she was when introduced. This was the girl who was wanting to meet other single women. Thankfully, she was just as talkative as Emily and the two ended up in a conversation as Sam introduced Castiel to Eileen before going to greet another guest.

   “Hi, Castiel! It’s so nice to meet you,” she said. “Thank you for coming.”

   Remembering to face her, he said, “Thanks for allowing it. You have a lovely place. Your grotto is nice.”

   She rolled her eyes. “It’s ridiculous, but a childhood dream for Sam and Dean so, we have it.”

   An attractive, toned woman with long dark-brown hair came walking up and tapped Eileen’s arm. She signed something quickly.

   Eileen nodded and said, “Yeah, in the freezer in the garage.” The woman started to walk off, but Eileen grabbed her arm. “Hey, this is Sam and Dean’s friend from work, Castiel. Castiel, this is Dean’s wife, Lisa.”

   Castiel had it all planned out how this was going to go, but looking at the beautiful woman before him, he found himself faltering. She was far prettier than he had ever imagined her. For a moment, it shook his confidence.

   “Oh! So you’re the infamous Cas! Nice to finally meet you.” She held her hand out with a smile.

   He accepted the outreached hand and reached desperately for his charming persona. “Likewise. I’ve heard quite a bit about you. He said you were beautiful, but it seems to be an understatement.”

   She preened under the compliment. “Oh, thank you! What a smooth talker! We definitely need to keep you around,” she laughed.

   The response eased Castiel immediately and he felt back in his element, smiling with a relaxed confidence.

   “So you’re the one who’s been keeping my guy busy, huh?”

    _I certainly try._ “It’s nice to make new friends. I’m very grateful to know Sam and Dean and getting to come to something like this. Meet even more people. It’s great!”

   “We really are glad you came. I have to go get some ice, but I’d love to chat with you more later,” she said.

   “I would love to. I think I’m gonna go have some of this awesome food,” he replied.

   “I’m going to help her with the ice. She shouldn’t lift things with her sore ribs. Make yourself at home, Castiel.” Eileen and Lisa turned and headed back towards the house.

   On his way to the food table, Castiel glanced down to the volleyball court, but didn’t see Dean anymore. _I wonder if he knows I’m here._ He didn’t have to wonder for long. As soon as he started filling his plate, he felt Dean’s presence next to him. Glancing over, he was disappointed to see he now had on a gray t-shirt, covering that captivating muscled body that he enjoyed so much.

   “Glad you came,” Dean said, reaching around him to grab a chip from the bowl on the table.

   “If I recall,” Castiel said quietly, “I didn’t. You did.” He calmly added a pickle to his plate as Dean tried not to choke on the chip.

   “Ass,” he said when he had recovered. “You’re supposed to behave.”

   “I’m being very good.” He grabbed a beer from the cooler at the end of the food table and moved over to one of the small folding tables to eat. The seat he took faced the volleyball court and Dean took the seat to his left. “Should you be hanging around me?”

   “It would be weird if I didn’t at all.” He took a sip from the bottle of coke he was holding.

   Castiel had assumed it was a beer, but more distracting than that was seeing the wedding ring on Dean’s finger. It was the first time he’d ever seen him wear it. It wasn’t something that could be talked about though, so he went for the more obvious thing. “I’m surprised to see you with a soda instead of a beer.”

   “Well, before too long we’re gonna need to make a beer run.”

   “We?”

   “Yep.”

   The intense way Dean was staring while he said it had Cas thinking there was gonna be more going on than just getting beer. He felt anticipation well and his cock stirred. “Stop looking at me like that, Dean. It’s doing things,” he said before taking a bite of the potato salad on his plate and shifting in his seat.

   Dean grinned and looked away. It was the first time in a while he’d seen Cas actually seem uncomfortable. He was playing with fire considering the location though and he knew it. He’d save it for the drive. Dean was really proud of his plan. He’d bought enough beer to make it seem like he thought it would be enough. Knowing their friends like he did though, he knew there would be a second run to make and he was taking Cas with him.

   Castiel continued to eat his food, trying to focus on the texture and feel. Anything to keep him from thinking about what Dean had just suggested. It wasn’t helping. “When can we leave?” he asked, voice rough.

   Dean chuckled. “Calm down, tiger. Not yet.” He waited for Cas to look up again. When he did, Dean’s heartbeat sped up. Those normally bright blue eyes had gotten dark with desire. _Fuck._ “Soon,” he promised.

   Both men were startled as Lisa pulled out the chair across from Cas and carefully sat down. “Hey, guys. Did you like the food, Castiel?”

   Castiel had his eyes back on his plate, scraping at a bit of the potato salad that was left. “Yeah, it’s great!” He was happy his voice sounded normal. Gesturing towards the party, he said, “There’s a lot of people” His move did what it intended, causing her to look out at the throng while he tried to turn down attraction he was feeling.

   “There are. I think this is the most we’ve ever had.” She pointed towards the pool. “Your friend seems to be enjoying the pool with Charlie. You going to be getting in?”

   “I will later. Not supposed to eat and then swim,” he said with a laugh, finally able to look up at her.

   “That’s a myth actually. You can swim after eating,” Dean said without thinking as he peeled the label from his bottle. His hands stilled when he realized he had effectively killed Castiel’s excuse. Cas needed to stay out of the pool to come with him.

   Though Dean didn’t look up from his bottle, Castiel stared at him with a thin smile, unable to give him the wide-eyed ‘WTF’ look he wanted to. “All the same, I think I’ll just wait.”

   Lisa smiled. “Better to be safe than sorry. What about you, hon? You up for swimming?”

   “When I get back. I’m gonna have to get more beer and I’m not getting in Baby with wet shorts. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Cas hide his smirk behind a sip of his beer.

   “That was so unlike you. You usually get too much.”

   “I know!” Dean said with emphasis. “That’s why I didn’t get as much as usual! Because I always get too much. There’s obviously no right amount.”

   She grinned. “I guess not. Okay. Well, I’m gonna get in. Why don’t you go ahead and go so you can get back quicker and join me?”

   Dean was so thankful for her suggestion. “I think I will.”

   “Okay then. See you in a bit.” Lisa stood and leaned over Dean, giving him a kiss that ended with her sucking on his lower lip before letting go.

   Castiel had to look away. He realized he had no right to be upset, but he couldn’t watch her doing what he so badly wished he could. This experience was not going as he had expected.

   As Lisa walked off to change, Dean looked to Cas, an apology on his face. It was weird to feel like he just cheated on Cas with Lisa when it was the other way around.

   Seeing the look, Castiel just nodded. There was nothing to be said.

   “Come on. I need to tell Sam where we’re going.”

   They found Sam coming out of the sliding glass door of the house.

   “Sammy! We’re gonna need more beer. I’m running out to The Marketplace.”

   Sam looked surprised. “The Marketplace? That’s thirty minutes away. Why not just go to Landon’s? It’s like ten minutes.”

   “Cheaper at The Marketplace, especially for what I have to get. We won’t be long.”

   “We?”

   “Cas is going with me. I can’t carry all those cases by myself.”

   Sam looked skeptical, but with his party to cater to, he didn’t want to spend time worrying about his brother’s relationship with Cas. “Fine. Hurry back.”

   “Will do.”


	17. Chapter 17

   Castiel slid into the Impala and enjoyed the sound as she roared to life. He was really beginning to have an affinity for Baby.

   Dean pulled off the manicured lawn and sped off down the road. The two men rode in companionable silence until Dean hit a four-way stop with no other cars in sight. “Come ‘ere.”

   Happy with Dean’s impatience, Cas willingly slid closer.

   As awkward as it was, Dean reached his right hand around the back of Castiel’s head, pulling him in for a sizzling kiss. Their lips had barely touched before their mouth opened, tongues finding each other.

   With the image of Lisa kissing Dean fresh in his mind, Castiel worked to make sure this kiss was far better. He teased Dean’s tongue into his mouth and began to suck on it, basking in the delight of the barely audible whine it drew from Dean. He let go and bit softly on Dean’s lower lip. The one she had sucked on. _Mine._

   When Cas let go, Dean sighed softly. “God, I love the way you kiss,” he murmured. “Sorry for earlier,” he said, releasing his hold on Cas to return to driving.

   Castiel didn’t have to ask what for. He wasn’t so naive as to think that Dean wasn’t enjoying the benefits of having a wife when they weren’t together. Having it shoved in his face was something he could have done without, but that was his own issue and no fault of Dean’s. “You don’t need to apologize for kissing your wife, Dean.”

   He took a moment to respond. He knew what Cas said was true, but it wasn’t the point. “I know I don’t need to, but I want to. I don’t like the thought of hurting you, Cas. I want you happy.” Still next to each other, Dean was able to take Castiel’s hand in his, bringing it up to place a kiss on the knuckles, before again resting it in Cas’s lap. His thumb gently brushed across the soft skin in a soothing motion.

   Between what Dean just said and the way he was holding his hand, Cas couldn’t be upset at all. _He cares._ It felt nice to know even in this fucked up situation, Dean wouldn’t knowingly put him in a situation where he could get hurt. Happy with that, he rested his head against Dean’s shoulder, smiling like a fool when Dean kissed the top of his head.

   A few moments later, buildings started to become more numerous. Dean cleared his throat. “We’re, uh… We’re coming into town now.”

   His request in the statement was clear. _It was nice while it lasted._ Cas lifted his head and slid back to his spot on the passenger side. He was surprised when the Impala pulled up in front of Landon’s. “I thought we were going to The Marketplace.”

   “I don’t think anyone’s going to ask for a receipt when we come back forty-five minutes from now. Do you?” Dean asked with a cheeky grin, parking near the front of the store.

   Six cases ended up being what Dean wanted to bring back. As they waited in line to pay, Cas had to comment on the amount. “This is a lot of beer. It seems excessive.”

   “My friends drink excessively so that makes this,” he tapped one of the boxes, “the perfect amount.”

   Castiel had to grin. The logic was irrefutable. He watched Dean pull out his phone and type something. Shortly thereafter, his phone dinged. Knowing it must have been whatever Dean wrote, he checked the text.

   Dean: _Get hard for me. Right now._

   He looked up to see Dean watching him with a calm smile. “Right now?”

   “Right now.”

   “It doesn’t exactly work like that, Dean.”

   Another succession of quick typing and he’d sent another text to Castiel’s phone.

   Dean: _Don’t make me start telling you about all the things I want to do to you._

   Cas took a breath and slid his phone back in his pocket. “Fuck you,” he said quietly. “I’m not looking at any more texts.”

   “You’re no fun,” Dean complained.

   “Is that so?”

   Dean’s little game had backfired. Those three small words and the intense stare that accompanied them filled his mind with memories of being in Cas’s back seat, looking into those blue eyes while Cas gave him the world’s best blowjob. He closed his eyes against the look he was being given. When he opened them again, he looked anywhere but at Cas as he fought against the stir he was feeling in his shorts. _Damn it._

   Neither said anything else as they were up next to checkout. They loaded up the beer in the trunk and got back on the road.

   Once they left the more populated streets again, Dean reached over and grabbed Castiel’s arm, pulling on him. “Get back over here.” It was an almost growled command.

   Castiel had to admit that he kinda liked the thought of Dean getting rough. He did as he was told and slid back across the seat to be next to him. _Yeah, definitely liking this car._

   Dean kept his eyes on the road and one hand on the wheel. The other hand slipped between Cas’s legs and began to rub his inner thigh. His hand would run all the way down to his knee and then back up as far as it could go, gripping the muscles.

   Cas watched Dean’s hand as his breath quickened and he felt himself beginning to get hard. Every time the back of Dean’s hand brushed against him, his breath caught. He kept waiting to finally be gripped, but the delicious torture continued. He tried to reach over to Dean’s lap, thinking he could lead by example, but it didn’t work.

   Dean immediately grabbed his hand and returned it to him. “Not while I’m driving, Cas.” What he was doing was getting him turned on enough. Completely losing his ability to think could mean crashing the car and Baby wasn’t something he was willing to risk. He put his own hand back to work on Castiel’s leg.

   He pulled up to the four-way stop from earlier, but instead of going straight which would lead back to Sam’s, Dean turned left. He had to let go of Cas to make the turn and about a hundred yards down the road, he pulled off and into a small clearing. There was just enough room between the trees for the Impala to fit through. He pulled up behind the treeline. From the road, no one would be able to see them.

   He turned the car off and leaned back against his door to take a good look at the mess he’d made of Cas. There was a very defined tent in the material of his swim trunks. His breathing was labored and his eyes were begging Dean to touch him. It was absolutely captivating to see and Dean had to wonder how he got so lucky as to find this man. “Fuck, you’re beautiful.”

   “Dean…,” he pleaded.

   “I’m pretty sure I promised you something. Didn’t I?” At Castiel’s desperate slow nod, Dean opened the door. “Get in back.”

   Castiel didn’t have to be told twice. Rather than get out, he just crawled over the seat into the back, waiting as Dean left the driver side to walk around the car.

   He opened the back passenger door and it was like opening the best present on Christmas day to have Cas there waiting, hot and wanting. Dean grabbed his ankles and pulled him to where his ass was at the edge of the seat. Despite what he had told Cas, he had intended to make him really beg, just like he had on Wednesday. He couldn’t do it though. He needed Cas in his mouth now.

   Dean pulled on the edges of the swim trunks and Castiel lifted his ass, allowing them to be pulled off and sat on the floorboard with the flip-flops he’d worn. There it was. Dean was in awe. The picture he’d seen didn’t do Cas’s cock justice. It was bigger than he realized, thicker. Carefully, he wrapped a hand around the base.

   Castiel had been up on his elbows, watching, but as soon as Dean touched him, he fell back with a moan. He had spent the drive being teased almost to the point of being painful. Finally feeling Dean’s hand on him was like a balm to the wound.

   Seeing Cas respond so strongly to just his hand, Dean grinned. “You’re gonna cum so hard for me.” He dropped to his knees and ran his tongue up the underside of the shaft. Feeling Cas’s whole body jerk, he looked up to see him gripping the back of the front seat, nails digging in. “Careful with the leather, babe.”

   Rolling his eyes, Castiel let go of the seat and pulled off his shirt. He threw it over the spot where his hand was to protect the seat and laid back. “If you don’t have any more complaints, how about you suck my cock like you said you would?”

   Dean wanted to, but he was realizing that he had Cas completely naked in the back of his car. The man was always beautiful, but without clothes, he was perfection. He scooted as close as possible and slid his hands as far up as he could reach. Castiel’s skin always felt so warm under palms.

   “Dean!” Cas whined.

   Giving in, he quickly slid back down and, lifting Cas’s cock, took him into his mouth. He tasted sweet and salty as precum leaked from the tip. He sucked and swirled his tongue around the head, really enjoying the feel.

   Castiel was back to his death grip on the seat as he finally got to have his cock in Dean Winchester’s mouth. He’d been wanting it since the first day he looked into those star-spotted green eyes. Even better was that Dean was good. He was sucking on him with a skill that he hadn’t expected since he hadn’t been with a man at least since meeting Lisa. He was forcing himself to stay still, fighting the urge to pump into that lovely wet mouth Dean had for him.

   Dean continued to take Cas further into his mouth, sliding back and then down another inch, letting his hand stroke in time with his mouth, giving twice the pleasure. He wanted Cas to feel as good as he had. Coming up off the shaft, he gasped out, “How is it?”

   Cas reached blindly down for him. “Don’t stop, Dean. Don’t…” He felt himself be enveloped in warmth again. “Ah! Yes. Just do that.” He was losing the battle to keep from moving. “God, I wanna fuck your mouth,” he moaned.

   Dean came up long enough to say, “Next time,” before dropping back down, increasing the pace to match Cas’s need. It wasn’t a promise though, because next time he wanted Cas’s cock to be fucking his ass, rather than his mouth. He was so hard he could feel himself bumping against the car as he worked on Cas.

   The quickened pace was exactly what Castiel needed. He was on the brink of his orgasm. “Dean! Fuck! Just don’t stop!” He was so torn between watching himself cum and just surrendering to the moment. He managed to get himself back up on his elbows. The sight of Dean, lips stretched around his cock, eyes watering from the effort, was by far and away the hottest thing he’d ever seen. It sent him over the edge. He didn’t even have a chance to warn Dean, just groaned as he felt his body tighten and cum shoot out into the mouth that was on him.

   Dean knew he was close, but the first spurt was still a surprise. He caught up though and was quickly able to swallow down every successive pulse. He was feeling pretty pleased with himself so when Cas sat up and pulled his cock away, Dean was disappointed. He’d wanted to be as thorough as Cas had been to him.

   Seeing his upset expression, Cas calmed him. “Don’t worry. You’re not done yet.” He pushed Dean back so he was sitting on his heels and then grabbed his jaw, forcing his mouth open. With his dick in hand, he squeezed the length, milking out the last little bit of cum, watching it fall into Dean’s open mouth. He let go of both and then scooted back, laying in the seat with a satisfied moan. “So fucking hot, babe.”

   He wasn’t surprised to feel Dean crawling in to join him. However, he was pleasantly surprised to find that he’d gotten equally naked. His arms went around Dean’s waist. “Damn! Are you trying to kill me?” Being skin to skin was something he loved. It was an intimate connection, not something that someone does in the bathroom stall at the club or in someone’s backseat. Until now. It made everything going on between them feel so much better.

   “Definitely not,” Dean said, voice low as he dipped his mouth to Castiel’s. They quickly became a wet and tangled mess of limbs as their kiss became passionate and desperate. Each acting as if they could reach the other’s soul if they just tried hard enough.

   Cas knew that Dean needed to cum though. He could feel the hardness pressing into his hip. He pushed back against his chest, pausing only a moment to let his hand slide over the tattoo, and then wrapped both his hands around Dean’s cock. “Fuck it.”  
  Dean did as he was told, pumping his hips so his dick slid in and out of Castiel’s hands. The varying degrees of pressure that Cas was applying were adding incredible sensations.

   Watching Dean like this, Castiel realized the truth. This was how he wanted to see Dean all the time. He wanted to be able to come home and get in bed with this man. He wanted to see him completely naked, hair disheveled, eyes dark with lust as he moaned his name. He wanted Dean to be free to experience this whenever he wanted and to be the one to give it to him. He was always going to accept whatever time he could get with Dean because he wanted to take care of him. That was a dangerous way to live, but, at the moment, he didn’t care.

   Dean had his head back, eyes closed, as he thrust into Cas’s hands. It was as close to fucking as they had ever been and he was enjoying the simulation. “Ungh! Cas!” He leaned forward, arms braced at either side of Castiel’s head.

   Having that perfect man over him, thrusting away was like heaven for Castiel. It was what he wanted to see. He began to pump his hands, increasing the stimulation for Dean. “Do you like this, Dean?”

   “Fuck yeah,” he breathed, thrusting faster.

   “Are you going to cum?” Castiel had to still his hands because of how hard Dean was pumping into him.

   Castiel’s dirty questions were going to drive him crazy. He couldn’t speak, but he nodded, looking down into deep blue eyes. He was right on the edge.

   “I want you to cum on me, Dean. Let me feel it.”

   Hearing that, Dean was lost. Moaning through his orgasm, he came in heavy spurts, coating one of Castiel’s hands and dripping onto his stomach. When he was finally spent, he didn’t even care about the mess, just collapsed on top of Cas, breathing hard. His head rested on Castiel’s shoulder as he waited for his racing heart to calm.

   Keeping his messy hand to the side, Cas let his other run softly up and down Dean’s back. _This is what I want._ He wished they were in his bed rather than the back of the Impala, but overall he couldn’t complain. The moment got even better when Dean lifted his head and scooted up for a kiss, a hand lightly caressing Castiel’s face.

   The kiss was slow and soft, a sharp contrast to their earlier activities. Castiel was finding it very easy to get used to these sweet thank you kisses that Dean seemed so fond of. Languidly letting their tongues come together, ending with a few short kisses.

   Dean sighed contentedly as he let his forehead touch the seat next to Cas’s head. Turning slightly, he had to admit it. “Cas, I need this.”

   “I know you do,” he answered, returning to stroking his back. “Wanna know what else I know?”

   Dean lifted his head to look down at him, curious about what it could be. “Yeah. I do. What else do you know?”

   “I know that if we don’t move, we’re gonna have a hell of a time explaining why we’re glued together.”

   Dean burst out laughing, but did pull himself off of Cas. The laughing was interspersed with a few ‘ew’s as they got pulled apart. Thankfully, Dean had a towel in the trunk and a half drank bottle of water aided the process of getting cleaned up. Once they were dressed, they got back in the front seat, cutting it quite close on time.

   When Castiel sat down, Dean reached across the seat and pulled him close again.

   “Is this just where I sit now?” he asked with a raised brow.

   He grinned. “It’s where I like you.” Content with Cas by his side, he started the car.

   Once they got within a mile of the house, Castiel scooted back to his original spot. He wanted to spare Dean the shitty feeling of having to ask.

   Dean said nothing when he moved, but he felt both thankful and horrible at the same time. What he was doing wasn’t fair to Cas and he knew that. Selfishly though, he loved the way it felt when they were together. He couldn’t get enough. He got to feel that primal desire to take, own, and care for while seeing those same desires reflected back to him in Cas. It was a strong drug that was really starting to mess with him. _I couldn’t give this up if I wanted to._ He looked over to Cas who was quietly looking out the window at the fields they were passing. _I need him._


	18. Chapter 18

   The party music had gotten louder and there appeared to be more cars when the guys pulled up at Sam’s house. “Looks like things picked up while we were gone,” Dean said as they carried the cases around the house.

   Coming through the gate, it was easy to see there were definitely more people than before. It looked closer to seventy, though it could have been more. “Is this an all day kinda thing?” Cas asked.

   “All day, all night. Sam and Eileen will light up the fire pits in a couple hours when it gets a bit darker. Turn the pool lights up. It’s been awhile since we did a big get together like this so don’t be surprised if it lasts until late tonight. Not everyone will stay the whole time though.” He sat the cases down by the coolers and looked concerned. “You’re staying, right?”

   “Yeah. Of course. We’re supposed to swim, remember?”

   “Right! I should go say hi to some of these new people first.” He didn’t want to go around and see who all showed up, but being back in view of everyone meant they had to play it cool. It might seem unusual for them to be attached at the hip. “I’ll get over there in a bit.”

   “Okay.” Neither moved though. They both just stood staring at the other. Realizing that this wasn’t helping them, Cas turned his attention to the beers that were still in the cooler. He grabbed one up and turned on his heel, walking off towards the pool.

   Dean watched him leave, but his view was interrupted by his friend, Bobby, coming to say hi.

 

   Castiel found Emily in the mini-grotto with Charlie and Eileen. A man and woman whom he hadn’t yet met were with them, as well. He was introduced to Max and Alicia, twins who had done work with the Winchesters in the past.

   “So, boss, where you been? This is the first I’ve seen you since we got here.”

   “Had some food and went on a beer run with Dean. The party really picked up while we were out.”

   Eileen nodded. “It gets that way. Most of the people will head out around six. By seven or eight, there’s usually...what?” She turned to the twins. “Twenty or so that stick around?”

   They nodded in agreement with Alicia speaking, “That’s when things start getting good. S’mores and drunk stories. Bringing out the guitars and getting Chuck and Dean to sing.”

   Castiel perked up. “Dean can sing?”

   Charlie, with her arm around Emily, was the one to answer. “He’s amazing! They both are. You two should both stay so you can hear them.”

   It wasn’t hard to see that hearing the guys sing wasn’t Charlie’s reason for wanting them to stay. It made him smile, despite the pang of jealousy. He would love to be sitting there with Dean’s arm around him, but that wasn’t going to be happening. Emily seemed content though and he was happy for her.

 

   Dean had spent quite a bit of time catching up with Bobby and he’d lost track of Cas. He didn’t see him in the pool, but he could have been in the grotto. It was a favorite hang out of their friends. He decided that it would be better to stay away for the time being. He went back to playing volleyball until it started getting dark.  

   The majority of people started trickling off at that point, so he went back up towards the pool. There were two fire pits next to it that had been lit up. Those who were staying were gravitating that way. Sam had even brought the coolers with soda, water, and the beer Dean had bought over next to the pits so no one had to go far for a drink.

   He finally caught sight of Cas, heading toward the pool ladder to climb out. He grabbed a water bottle, opening it up while he kept an eye on Cas. As soon as he grabbed the ladder and pulled himself up, Dean forgot all about his drink.

   Naturally, Castiel was shirtless and the orange glow from the fire pit was making his skin seem darker than usual while the droplets reflected the fire, giving him an ethereal look. His gray trunks hung dangerously low on his hips due to their wet weight and his dark hair was plastered to his head. Dean really wanted to go mess it up to give him that sex-hair look that really turned him on. _On second thought, maybe I shouldn’t do that._

   He went on high-alert as he saw Lisa settle down into the group that Cas was a part of. They were all focused on some story the twins were telling so he slowly made his way over. He sat down in a patio chair that put him right between Lisa and Cas, just in case.

   With Lisa to his left, Castiel didn’t look to Dean when he joined their group. He’d felt his gaze though and knew his presence when he’d sat down. It was comforting despite the obvious reason for doing it. He forced himself to focus on the twins’ story about accidentally dating the same man and how they found out.

   “He was so totally freaked out by the fact that he had been seeing a brother and sister that he ran out of the house and disappeared. We never saw him again, never heard from him again. Which is fine because neither of us wanted to continue that once we figured it out,” Max said.

   “But we got the feeling he thinks we were doing it knowingly,” Alicia continued. “I wish we could have explained that we were as surprised as he was, but oh, well.”

   “That is so crazy!” Lisa said. “Do partners ever get jealous of the connection you two have as twins?”

   “It’s happened before, but thankfully, it’s a rare occurrence. Most people are understanding.”

   Max agreed with his sister. “So thankful they’re rare because that type gets weird on us real quick and starts thinking we’re having a different kind of relationship. They’re delusional and nothing can make them see what’s real.”

   The conversation moved on to stupid mistakes at work. Bobby admitted to holding his badge upside down when he showed up at a person’s doorstep to ask questions. Sam joined the conversation and admitted to getting falling-down drunk his first night as a bartender because he accepted every shot a person bought him.

   Castiel talked about having to come in at four in the morning to do the food prep for the day which included doughnuts.

   “Oh, god!” Emily exclaimed. “I remember this day.”

   “I was not used to being up that early. While the doughnuts were baking, I went to my desk and must have laid my head down because I fell asleep. The alarm had went off for the doughnuts, but I hadn’t heard it. When I woke up, there was this awful smell and it was looking a little smokey. I realized what had happened and ran to see if I could save the doughnuts, but they were all just little black rings of charcoal.”

   The story had everyone laughing and Sam was pretending outrage. “How dare you! Those things are pastries from heaven. You need to take care of them!”

   Castiel chuckled. “Yeah, I’ve only had to do that a few times since and I assure you I’m wide awake the whole time!”

   Chuck walked up with two guitars in hand. “Come on, Dean. Time to get some music on.”

   Everyone cheered, but Dean tried to say no, just like every other time he’d ever sung in front of people. He knew he was at least decent, but the prospect of singing in public always made him nervous, at least until the song started. Once the music started, he could get carried away and let loose till the last bars played. It was a nice release and that ended up being the reason he always gave in.

   Castiel was excited. He had no idea that Dean had this ability. He’d never mentioned it before. He watched Dean standing with the guitar in his hand, making sure it was tuned, so handsome in the flickering firelight. Dean had told him about his love for classic rock, but Cas couldn’t even make a guess about what they would sing.

   Everyone fell quiet as the two started the intro and then began to sing.

 

>     _If I had wings, like Noah’s dove,  
>  _ _I’d fly up the river, to the one I love  
>  _ _Fare thee well, my honey, fare thee well_

   Castiel was in shock. Dean’s voice was amazing. He took a moment to glance about, but no one else seemed to be as astonished, near stupefied, by what they were hearing as he was. His mouth was hanging open as he listened, but he didn’t care. He felt like he was seeing something rare and phenomenal and just wanted to soak it all in. It touched on every feeling and seemed to resonate over his body, giving him goosebumps as the sound surrounded him.

 

>     _Sure as a bird flying high above,  
>  _ _Life ain’t worth living, without the one you love._

   With his eyes glue to Dean, there was no missing it when Dean’s eyes flicked up to his. _It was just a coincidence_ , his logical side told him. The side of him that was already falling grabbed onto that moment like it was the best thing it had ever experienced. As the song ended, his eyes were caught once more by Dean’s, but it was just another fleeting moment.

   They did another more upbeat song and then looked to have one of the girls come up and sing, which Alicia and Charlie volunteered to do.

   After the songs, Emily left her spot to come sit by Castiel. “I think I’m going to try something new.” She put emphasis on the new.

   He grinned over her roundabout words. “Should I take this as you’re not going to need a ride home?”

   “Yeah. Do you think that’s okay? It’s so different and...just different.”

   “I think if you want to try something new you should. New things are different, but different doesn’t equal bad.”

   “Have I ever told you that you’re the best boss and an awesome friend?”

   “Yep, and I better keep hearing it.”

   Emily giggled and then gave him a hug before saying bye to the others and leaving with Charlie.

   Cas stood and stretched.

   “Are you heading out, too?” Sam asked.

   He walked over to him so he didn’t have to talk over people. “Yep. Thank you for inviting me and Emily. This has been really great. I don’t get a lot of time to just relax with such a big group of fun people. It’s been a blast.” He held out his hand and Sam shook it.

   “Anytime! We don’t do it often, but when it happens again, I’ll definitely let you know.” Releasing his hand and taking a few steps away from everyone else, Sam added, “Hey, what did you think about Lisa?”

   It was such a weird question, especially coming from Sam. It caught him off guard. “Dean’s wife? She seems really kind and sweet. Funny, too. Can I ask why you asked?”

   Sam shrugged. “I was just making sure you realized those things. Most important though is that she loves Dean. They’ve been through a lot together in a short time. She and Dean deserve to be happy.”

   Castiel felt a chill go up his spine. Everything about this interaction was sending off alarm bells in his head. “Why are you telling me this?”

   “No reason. Drive safe, okay?” Sam patted his back and walked off to go join another conversation.

   Mulling over what Sam said, Castiel turned and started to walk towards the gate when Dean was suddenly next to him with a kid-like energy and big grin.

   “I’ll walk you to your car.”

   Cas stopped, but just stared at the ground. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

   Dean’s smile faded. “Why? What’s wrong?”

   “Your brother just talked to me about the good qualities of Lisa and how you and she deserve to be happy.”

   “Damn it, Sammy,” he cursed under his breath. “Look. Don’t worry about it. He doesn’t know anything. He just has suspicions. It doesn’t change anything though. Okay?” Dean looked to him for some confirmation. “Cas, tell me we’re okay.”

   The sense of panic in Dean’s voice was enough to have him look up again. Dean had controlled his expressions well enough throughout the day, but here, away from everyone else, Castiel could see his worry. “As long as you say we’re okay, then we’re okay.”

   He visibly relaxed. “Good. Can I please walk you to your car now?”

   Feeling better, he nodded and the two left through the gate, strolling slowly towards the front yard. “I really liked hearing you sing tonight. You have a great voice.”

   Dean grinned at Cas. “Thanks. I really hoped you had liked it.”

   Nothing seemed to make sense, but from Dean’s grin, it felt like it wasn’t his voice he hoped he liked. _His words?_ Not knowing what to say, they both continued in silence until they got to Castiel’s car. Not wanting to walk away yet, the two men leaned against the car and looked out over the dark expanse of the field across the street. With the driver side of the car facing away from the house while being near the street, anyone else who decided to leave the party wouldn’t see that Dean had reached over and had Castiel’s hand in his.

   “I can’t kiss you goodnight,” Dean said softly.

   “I know.”

   “I want to.”

   Castiel squeezed Dean’s hand and nodded. “I know that, too.” He looked over to Dean. “Promise to make it up to me?”

   Dean turned, leaning his shoulder against the car, and stared at Cas, taking in as much as he could. He knew exactly where on his face he wanted to put his hand, could almost feel the skin against his fingers. The lips which created such amazing feelings inside him. The dark hair so soft in his hand. There was so much he wanted to do right now, in the moment, but he couldn’t. What Cas asked though… “I promise.” His tone left no room for doubt. He took a quick look around, making sure no one was around to see them and then quickly raised Cas’s hand to his lips, kissing the fingers. “I know you’ve had a few so text me when you get home. Okay?”

   “Okay. Goodnight, Dean.”

   “Goodnight, Cas.” Reluctantly, he let go of Cas’s hand and began his walk back to the house.

   Castiel watched him go as he unlocked the car door. The whole day had been quite revealing, in regards to many things. He had to wonder just how close he was to getting exactly what he wanted.


	19. Chapter 19

   It was less than forty minutes later when Dean finally got the text that Cas had made it home. He and Lisa stayed until it was much later, chatting with their closest friends who always stayed the longest.

   For the most part, Dean stayed quiet, adding enough here and there to not draw any attention. His mind was stuck on his predicament though. Before Cas, he had a good life. Things were calm and predictable. There were no secrets. Being with Cas, though, was fun and exciting and during any given moment, with Cas was where he would rather be. Living this double-life forever was not going to be an option, as much as he wished it could be.

   His marriage to Lisa kept him grounded. She was a good woman who loved him a lot, far more than he felt he deserved. His friends and family adored her. There would be so much shit from all of them if he left her for any reason. If it came to light that he was cheating, and with a guy, someone they had welcomed into their lives as his friend, Dean knew they would probably roast him over one of the fire pits. There could even be repercussions for their business. While most clients probably wouldn’t care, others liked the idea of doing business with a wholesome, heterosexual, married man. If they were to find out Dean was in a relationship with a man, they might take their business elsewhere.

   It made logical sense to protect his marriage as that was what would lead to an easier life. Still, the thought of not seeing Cas again, not touching him, not kissing him, not watching his bright blue eyes go dark with lust...it made Dean feel sick.

   The whole thing was giving him a headache. Instead of worrying about it, he focused on the fun he had with Cas earlier in the day. The good memories got him smiling again, but he ended up having more trouble following the conversation.

   Once midnight hit, he and Lisa decided to head home. In the Impala, he smiled as he looked in the rearview mirror, seeing himself on top of Cas, thrusting into his hands.

   “You’ve gotten quite smiley tonight,” Lisa remarked with a grin. “Did you drink more than I thought? Should I drive?”

   Dean snorted at the suggestion even though she was joking. It was hard enough turning over the keys to Cas. He knew how Lisa drove and she wasn’t ever getting her hands on the wheel of Baby. “Didn’t have that many. I’m fine. Was just a really good night. It was good to get to see everyone again.”

   She nodded. “Yeah, it was. You know, I had quite a few myself. Feeling pretty good.”

   “That’s good,” Dean said as he pulled onto the road.

   Since he missed her tone, she tried again. “I was thinking maybe when we get home, we could have a little fun.”

   That got his attention and he glanced over at her to make sure he was hearing her correctly. _Yep. She’s horny._ To be fair, it had been a while due to her ribs. Their sex life, while definitely on the vanilla side, had never been lacking. They’d always found time. “We really need to wait a couple more weeks. Doctor’s orders.”

   “Come on, Dean! It’s been forever,” she whined. “We could just do a sixty-nine. That would be safe.” She gave him a wink.

   Her suggestion did make him grin. “I don’t know, hon. Better to not take a chance. Besides, aren’t you tired? I’m freaking exhausted.”

   Lisa was not in a mood to give up tonight. “Okay. Well, fine. I guess I will just take care of myself then.” She pulled off the t-shirt she had on, revealing the teal and black bikini top she had worn in the pool. A quick pull of the strings and she had it off, too.

   “Whoa! What are doing?” Dean asked, looking back and forth between the road and his half-naked wife.

   “Nothing for you to worry about. You’re tired. Just drive.” She gripped the hips of her shorts and bikini bottom, sliding them both off together.

   “Lisa!” She was now completely naked next to him and the sight was a treat that had him smiling. He’d always been attracted to her and she was quickly reminding him why. Her body had all the right curves and she was an expert at using them.

   “Don’t mind me.” She shifted around, laying down in the seat and throwing her leg over the back of it. One hand had her fingers circling lightly over a nipple while the other moved over the spot between her legs. “Mmm. Yeah, this is better.”

   He looked down at the area she was rubbing and watched her slip a finger in. She was definitely wet. The show was doing what she wanted because Dean could feel himself getting hard. He quickly refocused on the road. “Can we please just make it home first?”

   From across the seat, Lisa giggled. “I don’t need to be home to rub my pussy. Not when I can do it right here. You’re not interested, right?”

   “I am, but I don’t want us to die in a fiery car crash because you got horny on the way home.”

   “Oh, well.” She continued on, squeezing her nipple between her thumb and forefinger, making herself moan. “Ooh! It feels so good.”

   Dean went as fast as he dared and got them home quicker than usual. As soon as the car was parked and she started to bring her leg down, he pushed it back to where it had been. “Nope. You wanted it in the car and now you get it.” He inserted two fingers, feeling just how wet she was. “Damn!”

   “See how turned on I am. I really need you to make me cum.”

   He wanted to make sure she got off so he turned in his seat. He pulled the two fingers out and speared up through her folds, spreading the slickness to her clit. When he pushed them back in, he brought his other hand over to begin rubbing at the sensitive bud.

   She moaned and pushed herself down against him as her hands kneaded her breasts and pinched at her nipples. “Yeah, hon! That’s nice!”

   Dean was hard as a rock as he watched his wife pleasure herself while he worked her pussy. It was a damn good thing that he couldn’t fuck her because there was no way he could have been gentle. Not with how she’d gotten him so worked up. He didn’t want to spend a lot of time with this though. He knew how to make her cum quickly. He parted his fingers and caught her clit between them and began to rub.

   Her moans picked up and it was only moments later when she came, squeezing his fingers from the inside. She was panting in the seat as the orgasm traveled through her, leaving her body feeling tingly.

   When he no longer felt her spasms, he pulled his fingers out, wiping them on his shorts. He was still hard, but the thought of her returning the favor didn’t sit well with him. Not after the mind-blowing head Cas had given him. Cas's mouth would be on his mind the whole time. He patted her on the leg and got out of the car, leaving her in the garage to get herself cleaned up.

   When she joined him in the bedroom, he had already changed into a pair of red plaid boxers and a white t-shirt. “You didn’t have to take off, but if you’re ready to get off, in here is just as good.”

   He smiled and purposefully followed it up with a yawn. “Thanks, but I’m just happy to take care of you. I’m just tired.” To soften the blow, he took her in a gentle hug. “Besides, there’s always tomorrow, right?”

   That did the trick. “Okay, hon. We’ll get some sleep and see what we can get into tomorrow.” She gave him a quick peck on the lips and went off to their shared walk-in closet to grab something to sleep in.

 

   Dean had been serious about being tired. He felt like he couldn’t keep his eyes open, but at a quarter til two he was still awake. Lisa’s breathing had evened out long ago as she was able to drift off, but the same peace eluded Dean.

   He didn’t know what was keeping him up, but he decided to text Cas. Being so early, he knew he’d be asleep, but tried anyway.

   Dean: _Hey. Where are you?_

   When his phone dinged, he was surprised by the response and afraid the notification sound would wake Lisa, but she slept through it. He smartly silenced the phone then.

   Cas: _Asleep in bed. Isn’t that where you should be?_  
   Dean: _Asleep in your bed? Maybe. Maybe that’s why I can’t sleep right now. I’m in the wrong bed._  
   Cas: _Then get over here so we can both sleep._  
   Dean: _I wish I could. Will you just talk with me for a bit?_  
   Cas: _Of course. What do you wanna talk about?_  
   Dean: _Why do you like me?_  
   Cas: _Lots of reasons. You’re attractive, but it’s so much more than that._  
   Cas: _I like how you’re ambitious, driven, talented._  
   Cas: _I like the way you smile, the way you touch my face._   
   Cas: _I like the way you kiss. I like how adorable you are when you’re embarrassed._  
   Cas: _I like you because of how I feel when I’m with you._  
   Cas: _Should I go on?_  
   Dean: _No. That’s fine. I was just curious._  
   Dean: _I think I have a problem. I can’t stop thinking about you._  
   Cas: _Am I supposed to pretend like I don’t like that?_  
   Dean: _You like me being obsessed with you?_  
   Cas: _It’s a mutual obsession._  
   Dean: _You think about me, too?  
_    Cas: _All the time._

   Dean smiled. It was nice to know that if he was going crazy, then he at least wasn’t going alone. Something about that made him feel better and he felt himself drifting off as he responded.

   Dean: _I really want you to fuck me. Sleepy now._    
   Cas: _Come to my place Wednesday._  
   Cas: _I’ll fuck you however you want because there’s nothing I like more than hearing you say my name when you cum.  
_    Cas: _Goodnight, Dean._

   Dean was already fast asleep with his phone on his chest, slipping into dreams where he was happy without anyone getting hurt.

 

   “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?”

   Dean sat straight up in bed, looking around, trying to figure out what was going on. Before he could even see straight, a hard weight got thrown into his lap, hitting him with enough force to make him double over in bed, clutching his family jewels. “What the fuck?” he managed to gasp out. He was definitely awake now, but still incredibly confused.

   “That’s what I want to know, Dean! What the fuck?”

   He raised his head to see Lisa standing at the end of the bed looking fit to kill. “What the hell are you talking about?” He was just starting to recover from whatever she had thrown at him.

   “Look at your fucking phone, Dean!”

   “My...what?” He realized that must have been what she threw at him. As he searched the covers, he started to shake. _No, no, no. Please say no. She doesn’t know my code._ Finding it, he clicked the home button and the screen lit up. She hadn’t needed his code. On the lock-screen were the three texts that Cas had sent.

   Cas: _Come to my place Wednesday._    
   Cas: _I’ll fuck you however you want because there’s nothing I like more than hearing you say my name when you cum.  
_    Cas: _Goodnight, Dean._

   Dean felt like his heart was going to explode. _This is bad. This is so bad._ He just stared at the phone for a moment while his mind raced. He latched onto a possibility. “He’s just fucking around! It’s a joke! Calm down!”

   “Really? It’s a joke?” she asked, clearly skeptical. “Unlock your phone and let me see the rest of the conversation. Let me see how him liking you saying his name when you cum is so funny.”

   Dean looked back down to his phone. He couldn’t do that. The things he and Cas said to each other before were not things that would help this situation.

   “Yeah. That’s what I thought.” She crossed her arms and began to pace. “He fucking came to the barbeque! I talked to him! Looked him right in the face! How do you bring the guy you’re fucking to meet your wife?”

   “Two things there. One, Sam invited him, not me. Two, we’re not fucking. I swear to you, Lis. It’s not like it seems.”

   “Fine. Explain it to me. Tell me how it is.”

   Dean took a breath. “Look. It’s just a stupid thing that we got to joking about and then it turned into...that kind of talk. It’s just on text. It’s not something that we do or say in person. It’s just words on a screen. That’s all it has ever been.” He hated lying to her, but he was so caught off-guard that he was running on instinct. All he could do was try to protect the life he had.

   Lisa took a moment to consider what he said before responding. “I can’t do this, Dean. It was bad enough as just a thought in the back of my mind. This is real. You might not think it was cheating, but it is.”

   Dean scooted towards the end of the bed and grabbed her hand. “I know. I do know. I am so sorry. I tried to convince myself it wasn’t hurting anything to just talk like that, but I was lying to myself. It’s wrong and I’m sorry.” He put his forehead to her hand. “Please, please forgive me. It’s never going to happen again.”

   Her anger finally melted to tears and she sat next to him on the bed. “Do you understand how much that hurt to read?”

   “I see it now and I can never be sorry enough. I was being a stupid, stupid guy.”

   “Why did you want to talk to another man like that, Dean? I thought you were past that.”

   This was something he finally had to be honest about. “I can’t just stop being bi, Lisa. I know you want to believe I can, but I’m not. I’m just a human. It doesn’t change anything about what happened though. Would you feel any different if it was a girl?”

   “Yes!” she said, exasperated. “I know how to deal with women. How do I compete with a guy? I don’t know how!” She broke down.

   Dean put his arms around her and held her close. “There is no competition, hon. You’re the one I married. You’re the one I come home to. I chose you because you are what I want. Okay?”

   She let him comfort her as she cried out the hurt. When she finally calmed down, she quietly asked, “Do you love me?”

   “Of course I do.”

   She sat back from him. “Then end it.”

   “End the messaging?”

   “End everything. If you love me and you’re serious about it never happening again, I want to know this guy is out of your life. I can’t trust you otherwise. Cut him out. No more contact. Promise me.”

   “I promise. Never again. If that’s what it takes to prove to you how important you are to me, then he’s out. End of story.” It felt like a knife in his gut to say those words.

   “Tell him now. End it now.”

   Dean grabbed his phone back up and tried to figure out what he was going to tell Cas. Telling him this was the last thing he wanted to do. He stared at the blank screen, fingers not moving.

   “Why is it so hard, Dean?”

   He wanted to snap at her over the question, but reined in his own hurt. “We did something stupid, but he was still a friend, Lisa. I’m gonna do it. I just...I need a minute.”

   “Have your minute. I’m gonna go make some coffee.”

   Dean looked at the time on his phone. It was half-past six in the morning. He hadn’t gotten nearly enough sleep to be able to handle this situation well. He pulled up his message exchange with Cas. He didn’t want to delete the messages. On bad days, he read back through them to get himself smiling again. Leaving them wasn’t an option though. Lisa may want to see the proof and he didn’t want her to see their previous messages. Hoping to hide them later, he took a few screenshots of their last conversation, where Cas had told him everything he liked about him. After that, he cleared the messages and began one more that he would delete after sending it.

   Dean: _I’m really sorry about this. I never wanted you hurt._

   He sent the text and then deleted it, writing the hardest thing he’d ever had to.

   Dean: _Cas, we can’t talk anymore. We can’t hang out anymore. Lisa saw the last texts you sent and I had a hard time trying to explain to her that it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. I need to prove to her that I love her and can be trusted. I can’t do that and still be friends with you. No further communication will be accepted._

   He sent the message and then immediately blocked Cas’s number. The tears were unexpected. He sat at the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees, with his phone between his hands, wondering how he could have let this happen. The awful feeling in the pit of his stomach began to churn and he had to run to the bathroom. The bile burned his throat as it came up.

   Lisa came back just as he was sitting back and flushing the toilet. “Are you okay?”

   He shook his head, but didn’t look at her. “No. Just can’t believe I did this to you, that’s all.” _I can’t believe I did this to Cas, after how yesterday was. Why couldn’t I just go to sleep? Why did I text him in the middle of the night?_

   She walked in and leaned down to put a hand on his shoulder. “I want to trust you again, Dean. We can get through this if you just do what I asked.”

   He didn’t hold back this time. “I already told him! I fucking blocked his number. What do you want? Do I need to go slash his throat for you to believe me?”

   The outburst startled her and she took a step back. “Of course not.” The resentment behind his words wasn’t lost on her. “Dean, are you more upset about almost losing me...or actually losing Castiel?”

   Dean pulled himself up off the floor, keeping his voice in check. “There was nothing to lose with Cas. I’m doing what I can for you.” He opened the linen closet and pulled out a towel. “I need to take a shower.”

   Accepting that he needed time alone, she left the bathroom to go check the coffee.

   Dean shut the door and started the shower water, turning the dial all the way to the ‘hot’ side. While the water warmed up, he brushed his teeth, getting the horrid taste of vomit from his mouth. Spitting out the water, he looked up into the mirror, staring at his reflection. Red surrounded the green of his eyes which had lightened to an almost seafoam color. He hated who he saw. With steam beginning to fill the room, he stepped into the scalding water, not caring as it reddened his skin. He felt like the lowest form of life on the Earth and needed the pain, needed the punishment. Tears began to fall once more. _Now, what do I do?_


	20. Chapter 20

  Castiel sat in his bed, leaned against the headboard, and stared at the text messages.

   Dean:  _ I’m really sorry about this. I never wanted you hurt.  
_    Dean:  _ Cas, we can’t talk anymore. We can’t hang out anymore. Lisa saw the last texts you sent and I had a hard time trying to explain to her that it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. I need to prove to her that I love her and can be trusted. I can’t do that and still be friends with you. No further communication will be accepted. _

   He didn’t want to believe what he was reading. Dean had just said he didn’t want to hurt him, had taken his hand and promised to make up their missed kiss. What he was reading couldn’t be real. He quickly typed out a response.

   Castiel:  _ Dean, I don’t understand. What’s going on? _

   The text never showed as delivered. It just sat in the message box, going nowhere. Dean had blocked his number.

   That realization hurt, but it didn’t prove anything.  _T_ _ his isn’t happening. It’s got to be just something he’s doing for her benefit.  _ After talking every day and getting so close, Castiel couldn’t believe that Dean would just completely cut them off from each other.  _ I’ll get another text later, apologizing, saying he had to do it to make her happy.  _ Placating himself with those thoughts, he flung the covers off and went to make breakfast.

   As his eggs fried in the pan, he thought more about the first text. That one scared him. The second one though.  _ ‘No further communication will be accepted.’ _  It was such legal speak, not like Dean at all. It was cold and Dean wasn’t like that. He was a warm, caring person. He tried to calm himself as he flipped the eggs.  _ He will text me later. _

   When he sat on the couch watching the news and having his breakfast the thought continued.  _ He will text me later. _

   Castiel did his laundry for the week like he did every Sunday.  _ He will text me later. _

   He hung up his clothes and made a sandwich for lunch.  _ He will text me later. _

   He killed time, binging a few episodes of his favorite Netflix series.  _ He will text me later. _

   Baked chicken was his dinner for the evening.  _ He will text me later. _

   When he finally got in bed that night, tears began to form.  _ Maybe he will text me tomorrow. _

   So many dreams plagued Castiel’s sleep, he couldn’t tell what was real and what wasn’t. Dean had finally responded and he needed to figure out what to say back. The hope was so strong that it woke him up and he grabbed his phone. When he saw there were no messages, he fell back into the bed and willed himself back to the dream.

   It had happened at least three times. Waking up to check the phone and then drowning in disappointment afterward. When his alarm finally went off, he looked like he had been through a war. He felt numb. A cold shower perked him up, but it was a poor substitute for what he really needed. He needed Dean.

 

   When Castiel walked into work early, Emily was there moving the food items from the back to the front. “Hey, boss! You’re here earlier than usual,” she smiled. One look at his face and the smile vanished. The last time she saw him look like that was after Marcus had broken up with him. “What happened?”

   He didn’t say anything, opting to show her. He pulled up the text chat with Dean and handed his phone over, not caring if she read the ones above it.

   Her hand went to her mouth as she read. She looked up at him with worry and concern. “Oh, Castiel. I’m so sorry.”

   “He just said that for her. He’s gonna text me eventually...to apologize. Right?” He needed someone to tell him that he wasn’t wrong, that Dean cared and was coming back to him. His own faith in that possibility was waning.

   “Maybe,” she said with a half shrug.

   He knew she didn’t believe it and couldn’t blame her for it. Taking his phone back, he said, “I’m gonna get started on the weekend emails,” and went into his office, shutting the door behind.

   Closing the office door was something he rarely did. She knew he must really be hurting because she was the only one there. He was shutting her out and she worried that this was going to turn into a post-Marcus situation all over again.

   She went about her job because she knew she had to. A short time after being open, she was bringing more straws to the front and saw Sam standing at her counter. It was disconcerting as she didn’t expect either Winchester brother to come by anymore.

   “Hey, Emily,” he smiled, though it seemed strained. “Usual and a raspberry filled today?”

   She shook off the surprise and nodded. “Sure. Of course.” She got to work, getting his coffee and requested doughnut. “That will be four dollars.”

   Sam shuffled through his billfold, but stopped and let his hands drop to the counter. “Look. You obviously know about Dean and Castiel. Things are...not good right now. You’re a super nice girl though and Charlie really likes you. Can we not let the awkwardness of that situation influence how we are?”

   Emily relaxed. “Oh, thank god! I was thinking maybe you didn’t know for a moment. I’m just worried about Castiel.”

   Sam didn’t know what to say. He was worried about Dean, too, but knew the right choice was made. Eileen and Lisa had video chatted at length about it. He wasn’t surprised when Eileen told him what had happened. He’d been suspicious, but wanted to give Dean the benefit of the doubt. Seeing the way they looked at each other at the barbeque told him there was definitely more going on though. He tried to warn Castiel to keep anyone from getting hurt, but it wasn’t enough.  

   “Sorry. You’re right. Not our circus.” She had a great time with Charlie and was learning a lot about herself. These men were her potential girlfriend’s friends and she needed to be able to get along with them if she wanted anything more.

   He nodded and continued through his billfold to pull out four ones, handing them to her. “The awkwardness of it all will lessen eventually. See ya later.” He grabbed up the coffee and doughnut, heading for the office he shared with Dean.

   When he opened the office door, he was surprised to see his brother was already there. Not only was he there, but he was dressed in black slacks and a light blue button-up. He actually looked moderately professional.

   Dean glanced up when he heard the door open. “Hey. I got the changes done for three of the sites and working on the fourth one now. Shouldn’t take long and then I’ll have Definity’s site at least partially finished by the end of day.”

   Sam was shocked. “Wow… You’re being especially productive today.” He'd worked with Dean long enough to know that he only threw himself into work when he was stressed.

   “Yep.” Dean stayed focused on his screen.

   “Dean, do you wanna…”

   “Nope,” he interjected, typing away.

   Sam sighed. “Okay. Well if you do…” Again, he didn’t get to finish his sentence.

   “I won’t.” Dean finally stopped to look up at his brother, gaze dark and threatening. “It was nothing.”

   He knew the look well and backed off immediately, not saying another word and going on to his desk.

   Dean fought back the tears that threatened to spill as he went back to staring at his screen.  _ It was nothing. _  If he said it enough, he might just believe it.

  

   Castiel’s hope only lasted through the week. Friday, anger took over.  _ ‘Prove to her that I love her.’ You don’t fucking love her, you idiot! How the fuck are you going to prove something that isn’t there? I wanted to take care of you! I wanted to be there for you! What was the fucking point? _  He was constantly yelling at Dean in his head. He had worked himself up to a pretty good simmer when Emily poked her head into his office.

   “Sorry to bother you. I just got a text from my brother asking me to call and it sounds urgent. Can I check in and see what’s going on?”

   “Yeah. Of course. I’ll watch the front.” He rose from his desk to go take up her post.

   “Thanks, boss.” She left the deli to go outside and make her call.

   It was around three so there wasn’t much activity in the lobby. A couple of women with heels that clicked were walking toward the elevator and a delivery driver was leaving the main office with his clipboard in hand. Other than that it was empty. The driver was heading his way though.

   Cas greeted him with a half-assed smile when he walked up. “Hey, there. What can I get ya?”

   The driver smiled far more genuinely. “A cappuccino and a cruller would be nice.” While Castiel turned to get the items, the driver asked, “Are you new?”

   Not wanting to chat, he answered with a plain, “No.”   

   “Really? Pretty sure I would have remembered someone who looks as good as you do.”

   Castiel rolled his eyes as he got the cruller and put it in a bag for him. Setting the items down he said, “Four dollars, please.”

   “Can I at least get your name?” The driver was nothing if not persistent.

   To his credit, if Castiel hadn’t been so caught up in his feelings for Dean, he may have noticed the guy wasn't bad looking. He was built well from all the deliveries he had to handle. His blue eyes were a shade lighter than Castiel’s and added a kindness to his face. The brown hair and neatly trimmed salt and pepper beard where a nice compliment to his slightly rugged appearance.

   “Cas.” He had no idea why he said that. He hated being called Cas.  _ At least I used to. _

   “Alright, Cas. I’m Roy.” He handed over the money. “Maybe I’ll see ya around sometime.”

   Castiel didn’t bother responding. He just put the money in the register and returned to leaning against the back counter.

   Roy just chuckled and continued on his way.

   It was about five minutes later when Emily returned. “Sorry, my brother just wanted to check on if I can do the cake for my nephew’s party. He makes these things sound like they are life or death, I swear. Did you survive?”

   “I met Roy,” he answered dryly.

   “The delivery guy? He’s harmless.” She stood against the opposite counter, next to the register and regarded Castiel consideringly. He didn’t seem to be doing any better after what happened with Dean. She worried that he could end up getting depressed again.

   “He tried to flirt with me.”

   That caught her interest. “Tried? Maybe that’s a good thing. Get your mind off...other things.” She had never known Roy had an interest in guys and he wasn't really Castiel's type, being a little rough around the edges. However, a distraction could be just what was needed.

   “I don’t need to get my mind off anything and I don’t appreciate being come on to by the customers. I’m going to finish up and head home early today. I need to get out of here.”

   “Good idea, boss,” she replied, watching him walk to the back. She wondered how long it would take to get him back to normal...or if he ever would.

 

   Castiel spent his entire weekend getting drunk off his ass at home. He didn’t trust himself in a bar yet. He wrote dozens of texts to Dean, but deleted them instead of sending them, not that they would have gone through anyway. They ranged from hateful to begging to just a sad desperation.

   As he lay in bed Sunday afternoon with the world’s worst hangover, he picked up his phone. He had to say something. He was going to drive himself insane if he didn’t. It wouldn’t be seen, but he had to say what he needed to anyway.

   Castiel:  _ I know you won’t see this, but I’m so messed up right now. It’s bad. I like you so much more than you know. Probably more than I knew. I just need you. I know that’s not fair to say to you. You’ve made your choice. I wish you’d chosen me. _

   He hit send and waited. It didn’t go through. With a sigh, he dropped his phone on the bed next to him and tried to fall asleep.

   He didn’t go in on Monday at all. Tuesday morning he realized what an ass he’d been to Emily. He was determined to make it up to her and try his best not to be whiny. He showed up at nine with a small bouquet of flowers as an apology. He hadn’t once asked her how things were going with Charlie because he didn’t want to hear how good they were doing while his life was falling apart. He wanted to be a better friend than that.

   He heard Emily talking to someone so he left the flowers on the table in the back and went to say hi. He stepped through the doorway to the front and was surprised to see Sam there getting his usual. He was going to just turn around and go back, but Sam grabbed his attention.

   “Hey, Castiel. How are you?”

_ Falling to pieces, bouncing back and forth between feeling numb and gut-wrenching pain, and wondering why I even exist. _  “I’ve been better.”

   Sam dropped his head and nodded. “I bet. I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I know that you and Dean can’t talk, but I hope there are no hard feelings between us.”

   Castiel shook his head. “No, of course not.” Sam was no more to blame than Emily was. He was just someone who existed in their circle.

   “Good.”

   “Sammy, we need to go to Definity. Their douchyness fucked something up.” Dean was walking through the lobby towards the side entrance, looking at something on his phone.

   It was the first time Castiel had seen him since the barbeque and for a moment, he forgot to breath. Dean was in jeans and a white button-up with a black jacket over the top. It was a look Cas had never seen him in before, but it suited him well. He was as gorgeous as ever.

   “Just gotta pay.”

   Dean stopped and rolled his eyes. He looked up from his phone to tell him to hurry up, but his eyes locked on Cas. Unlike with Castiel, this was not Dean’s first time seeing him. More than once, when Sam was out, he’d grab his laptop and roll his chair over to the window. He’d prop his legs up on the arm of the couch and work that way until he could catch sight of Cas at the deli below. From that point, he’d just stare at him, noticing how tired and upset he looked. It killed him to know that he made such a beautiful creature so sad. His heart broke into smaller and smaller pieces every time, but he couldn’t look away. It was his fault that Cas was suffering and he forced himself to see it. 

   It was different today though. There was no glass between them and Cas could see him, too. Dean could feel his heart beating like it would come through his chest. All he wanted to do was go to him and take away the pain that was so clear to see, even from the thirty feet away that they were.

   Castiel was torn. Dean meant so much to him and was by far, the most attractive man he’d ever met. It made staring at him seem a wonderful idea, but the fact was, he couldn’t have him. They couldn’t be together and it was torture to see him and know that. They weren’t really supposed to see each other anyway. Cas dropped his gaze and returned to the back, out of Dean’s line of sight.

   Seeing Cas look away and then leave was like a knife to Dean’s soul. He didn’t blame Cas, but he would give anything just to see him smile again. Dean stared at the space where he’d stood, willing him back. He was so focused that it startled him when Sam was suddenly next to him.

   “Ready?” Sam asked.

   Dean nodded and together they headed for the side door. He glanced one more time to the deli, but Cas was still hidden. With a sigh, he focused on the tasks ahead.

 

   Emily looked into the back to see Castiel leaning against the stainless steel table in the middle of the room. “Are you okay?” She knew it had to have been hard to see Dean again.

   He wasn’t, but he pushed everything down, determined to focus on his friend. “No, but I’m not gonna complain about it.” He reached behind him, grabbing the flowers, and held them out for her. “These are for you.”

   “What?” Her grin was huge. “Oh my word! No one ever gets me flowers. What is this for?”

   “It’s for putting up with me getting dumped a second time. It’s for listening to my whining, dealing with me being an asshole, not asking how you and Charlie have been. Are things good?”

   She waved her free hand as she smelled the flowers. “It’s nothing to worry about, boss. We’re fine. Just taking things really slow.”

   For the first time in too long, a trace of a smile lit Castiel’s face. “Taking it slow? Didn’t you go home with her?”

   Emily blushed. “Well, yeah, but relationship wise. I’m still really unsure, but she’s been really understanding.”

   “Well, good for you, Emily. It’s your happiness. There’s nothing wrong with taking your time and making sure that it’s something you can handle.”

   “I have so missed you,” she said with an adoring smile. “I know you were dealing with a lot of shit and still are, but I have so been needing to hear those comforting words. I mean, I’m seeing a girl. I thought that was as unlikely as you with a girl, ya know.”

   He gave a small, humorless laugh, but her words put a thought in his head. Twice now he had been left for a woman. Emily was seeing a woman. He wasn’t getting Dean back. Maybe he needed to see what all the fuss was about. “Do you think I should try being with a woman?”

   Emily seemed shocked by the question. “Do you want to?”

   He shrugged. “Everyone else is doing it. There must be something there worth enjoying.”

   “Well, it would be hypocritical of me to suggest not experimenting. If you do though, just make sure it’s because you really want to know, not because you’re upset about Dean.”

   “Fair enough,” he conceded.


	21. Chapter 21

   Wednesday night was just as hard for him this week as it was the week before. He should be getting to snuggle on his couch with Dean to watch a movie. At least, watch it until things got to the point that they had to be moved to the bedroom. Rather than stay home and pout, Cas decided to go to Fishbone and pout there. He sat at the bar, sipping on his beer and eating peanuts while scrolling through his Facebook feed. A flash of red coming inside caught his eye.

   A tired, red-headed girl in a diner-style waitress dress took a seat at the end of the bar and tossed her purse up in front of her. “Anything smooth,” she answered when Bass asked what she wanted.

   Castiel remembered her well. She had been in his lap at the bowling alley. “Chelsea.”

   She looked up when she heard her name and smiled. “Castiel.”

   “May I?” he asked, gesturing to the seat by her. At her nod, he picked up his glass and moved down to join her. “Hey. Good to see you again.”

   “Really? Kinda surprising since you never called.”

   He looked down at his glass and sighed. “Yeah. I shouldn’t have taken your number. Sorry about that. I’ve been going through a lot of shit lately.”

   “Oh?” Her interest was piqued. “Sounds bad. A break-up?”

   He nodded, but then shook his head. “Yeah, but we weren’t really dating. We can’t see each other anymore now though and it really sucks.”

   “Aww! You poor thing,” she consoled, rubbing his arm. She took the drink that was sat in front of her and took a sip. “Perfect,” she complimented and Bass nodded, moving back down the bar.

   “So, what are you doing here? I’ve never seen you in here before," he said.

   “I just moved into the Terrace Apartments down the street so I’ve been in a couple times after work.”

   “I’ve been there. Those are nice. I considered them when I first moved here, but went for Belle Lake. It’s about eight minutes that way.” He pointed toward the general direction of his apartment.

   “Oh. I’ve heard really nice things about those, but hadn’t been to see any. I’d love to check it out sometime.”

   Even in his slightly inebriated state, Castiel knew exactly what she was getting at. He half smiled and tried to figure out how to let her down. Instead, he remembered his thought about seeing what it was like to be with a woman. “Do you want to see my place?”

   “That sounds like fun,” she grinned.

   Castiel paid for the both their drinks and they decided Chelsea would follow him in her car. On the drive to his place he considered Emily’s question. “Am I doing this because I want to know or because I’m upset about Dean?” he asked aloud. _Fuck...I’m mostly just upset about Dean._ He realized that he might have said no to someone else, but this was a girl Dean had been jealous of. He was bringing her home because he knew Dean would hate it if he knew.

   At the apartment, Castiel unlocked the door and held it open for her.  

   “Ooh, this is nice,” Chelsea said as she entered Castiel’s apartment. “Cute fish.” She pointed to a red tin fish that was hanging on the wall by the door.

   “Thanks. Not fond of the fish myself, but I’m too lazy to do anything about it.” He shut the door behind them.

   “Hmm. Hope you’re not too lazy for other things,” she said as she turned around, trying to look suggestive.

   Reluctance was hitting him hard now, but he was determined to see it through. He stepped to her, pulling her against him with an arm around her waist. His free hand tipped her face up and he set his lips to her. They were so soft and pliable. The slightest bit of pressure and her mouth opened, her dainty tongue playing against his.

    _This isn’t so bad_ , he thought. The softness of her was a pleasant experience. When her hand slipped between them though and pressed to his crotch, he jumped back. “Whoa, um,...”

   “Relax,” she giggled. “I’m not going to hurt you. Come here.” She grabbed his hand and moved him toward the arm of his couch.

   He tried to calm down and let himself be pulled along. As soon as she had touched him, the idea of the softness around that part of him did not seem enjoyable. He pushed the thoughts back down and tried to focus on the physical sensations.

   “I promise you will enjoy it.” Her hands were working on the button and zipper of his jeans. He was watching, trying to stay still. Seeing his tense state, she asked, “Are you nervous?”

   “I..I just…” He felt like he couldn't breathe and his heart was hammering in his chest.

   His jeans opened and she reached down in them to cup his soft cock.

   "No!" Castiel immediately pushed her hand back and moved away, hands up placatingly. “I can’t. I’m sorry. I’m gay.”

   She tilted her head and stared at him like she didn’t quite hear him right. “What?”

   He was panting now out of sheer terror for allowing himself to have even gotten into this situation. “I’m gay.” His hands stayed up to keep her back in case she came at him.

   Chelsea was still confused. “Gay? As in you like guys, not girls?”

   He nodded.

   “Then why the fuck would you invite me back to your place? Why would you kiss me?”

   “For a very stupid reason. I’m just...I’m really sorry, Chelsea.”

   She threw her arms up in exasperation and then grabbed her keys out of her dress pocket. “Whatever. It’s not cool to lie about what you want, Castiel.” Stopping by the door, she looked again at the red fish. “You know what, I’m fucking taking this.” She pulled it off the nail it was hanging on and then walked out the door, shutting it a little harder than need be.

   The absurdity of what she had just done made him chuckle. “What the hell?” The fish had been a piece of decor his mom had bought for him. Considering how badly she wanted him to be with a woman, it seemed apropos for the only woman he’d ever almost slept with to have it.

   As odd as what Chelsea had done had been, he knew his own behavior was far from normal. He was letting the situation with Dean get into his head in a really weird way. _I almost fucked a woman._ He would never have been able to go through with it, but still, the intention had been there. _I’m not okay._

 

   Thursday morning, Sam dropped off his car to get the brakes changed and got a ride with Dean. He was surprised to see the Impala pull into the lot.  

   “I thought this was your ‘fun’ car,” Sam said as he got in the passenger side.

   “She is. I decided I want to have fun on my terms. Baby is fun I can have whenever I want.” It was true and also a little act of rebellion. Lisa didn’t like him driving the car all the time, but that was something she didn’t have a say over.

   Sam glanced sideways at him. “I guess you would need more fun considering how much you’ve been working lately. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so productive.”

   Dean said nothing, staring at the road ahead of him. Drowning himself in work was just one more thing he could control and focus on. It didn’t stop him from thinking about Cas, but it did provide a distraction at times.

   At the office, Sam asked if he wanted coffee.

   “Um,” Dean was going to say no, but when he glanced over to the deli, he saw Cas and Emily laughing. Seeing him looking so happy again made his heart flutter and a smile immediately lit his face. “I think I do.” He took a step, but a hard hand on the chest stopped him. “Ow!”

   “I meant I would get it for you. You’re not going over there.” Sam was adamant.

   “Fine,” he said, rubbing what he assumed was his now bruised sternum. “French Roast, black.”

   “You got it. I’ll bring it up.” They parted ways, Dean heading up to the office and Sam to get their morning java.

 

   Emily was bent over with tears streaming down her face from laughing so hard. She finally stood up straight just to gasp out, “She stole your fish!” and ending up in hysterical laughter again.

   The way she was laughing had Castiel cracking up, too. “You can barely breath,” he said, though he wasn’t doing much better.

   That was the scene Sam walked up to. “Wow! I’ll have whatever you guys are having!”

   Emily wiped her eyes, knowing she was going to have to fix her mascara when she had a moment. “I’m so sorry,” she giggled. “Gonna have the usual today?”

   “Yeah and a French Roast, black for Dean. So, what’s so funny that you’re in tears?”

   She looked to Castiel. “It’s not my story to tell.”

   Sam raised a brow, but the mention of Dean had quickly subdued Castiel.

   Skipping all the details, he gave the punchline instead. “A girl came over last night and stole a tin fish off my wall, literally, right in front of me. She said, ‘I’m taking this,’ and left.” The end of the story had him and Emily both giggling again.

   She set the cups down on the counter. “Isn’t that the craziest thing?”

   Sam was chuckling, as well. “She told you she was stealing it and just left? Who the hell does that?” He handed over a ten dollar bill.

   “This Chelsea chick apparently,” Emily laughed, as she gave him his change. “If you run into her, hold onto your wall decor.”

   “I will definitely keep that in mind.” Sam gave her a wink, waved to them both and headed up to the office.

   Emily just looked at Castiel, shaking her head and smiling. “I can’t believe you actually tried hooking up with a girl.”

   He shrugged. “I guess it’s not for everybody.”

 

   Dean had run up the stairs, unlocking the door in record time so he could stand at the window and watch Sam’s interaction with Cas. That smile, that laugh, just completely lit Dean’s world. He enjoyed being the reason it existed and hated that he was the one to take it away. He stared hard, watching Cas’s every change of expression and wondered what words caused the changes. _Is it getting easier for him? Every day feels harder to me._

   With Sam on his way up, Dean went and plopped down in his desk chair and waited for his coffee.

   “Here ya go!” Sam said, holding the cup up as he walked through the open office door.

   Accepting the cup, he had to ask. “What was so funny?”

   “Apparently some girl stole a fish from Castiel’s place.” Sam continued on to his desk.

   “A fish?”

   “Well, not a real fish. Some decorative piece or something that he had on his wall.”

   It was the most ridiculous thing Dean had ever heard and he didn’t believe it. “You have to be lying.”

   “I’m not lying,” Sam laughed. “Some girl named Chelsea stole a tin fish from his wall. It’s what he said.”

   The name rung familiar with Dean and he tried to place it. It came back to him quickly as he remembered how irate he had been over the girl’s persistence. “Chelsea? Red hair?”

   “I don’t know. He didn’t describe her. Do you know her?”

   Dean shook his head. “Nah. Probably not who I’m thinking of.” _Because why the fuck would that Chelsea be at his home?_ He tried to remind himself that there was no real reason to upset. Cas had made it clear that he was gay. _If some girl was at his place, it was probably to drink martinis and binge Gilmore Girls or something._

   The thought made him wonder how he would feel if Castiel did start seeing someone else. _He should. He should be happy._ Dean knew that was what he was supposed to say, but the thought of anyone else laying a hand on his Cas infuriated him and brought back that sick feeling. Not for the first time, Dean wondered about breaking his word to his wife.

   Things had been fine at home, but nothing about their life together seemed real. It had become borderline Stepford-esque. He woke up, had breakfast, kissed Lisa goodbye, worked, came home, had dinner with her while watching whatever random show or movie was in their queue. Then he kissed her goodnight, went to bed, and did it all again. Lisa hadn’t brought up sex since their argument and Dean had no interest in broaching the subject either. He knew that wouldn’t last forever though and wondered if it would be just as robotic and unsatisfying as everything else had become in his life.

   He wanted to believe it would get better though. His marriage hadn’t felt like that before he laid eyes on that angel of a man downstairs. _I should give it a chance. It could be that way again._ It wasn’t something Dean truly believed, but he’d gotten really good at lying, especially to himself.

 

   Friday had been busier than usual and Castiel found helping Emily to be a great way to keep his mind from dwelling. The monotony of the work combined with Emily’s pleasant chatter helped while away the hours. During a moment where they only had one customer, they saw Roy, the delivery driver, come in with a dolly loaded up with quite a few boxes of various sizes.

   Roy looked their way. “Hey. One of these is for you. I’ll bring it over when I get ‘em unloaded.”

   “It’s fine,” Cas called back. “I’ll be there to get it in just a minute.” Most of their packages got delivered to the main office so he was used to it.

   After taking care of the customer and telling Emily he’d be right back, Castiel headed towards the office, but was met a few feet from the door by Roy with the package in hand. It was a small box and Cas remembered he’d ordered office supplies earlier that week. “Thanks. I was going to get it. We’re used to our packages being in the office.”

   Roy grinned. “No trouble at all. You seem like you’re in a better mood than the last time I saw you.”

   Castiel grimaced and looked down, slightly embarrassed. “Yeah. Sorry about that. It was a really bad day. I’ve had to apologize to a few people for my attitude that day.” When he looked back up, his eyes were drawn past Roy to the man approaching. _Dean._

   Dean had been upstairs when he got a call that there was a package for Winchester IT Services in the office. Sam hadn’t thought anything about it when he said he was going downstairs to get it. His hope had been to see Cas behind the counter, but as he crossed the lobby he only saw Emily. His disappointment was short-lived as he rounded the corner and saw him there, in his black slacks and untucked white button-up talking to the delivery driver. He slowed his steps wanting to take in the sight for as long as possible.

   “We all have days like that. Since this is a better day, would you like to have a drink or two with me tonight? You know The Tea Cup?”

   Dean did everything possible to control his expression, but all he wanted was for Cas to say no. His heart was thudding as the world seemed to fall into slow-motion. _Please, Cas. I can’t let go yet._

   Castiel broke his eye contact with Dean, once again looking to the floor. “I can’t be this way forever.”

   The words were said to the driver, but Dean knew very well they were meant for him. _I know, but, please._

   “So, yeah, I know The Tea Cup. Drinks sound nice.”

   Dean looked away, blinking back the evidence of the hurt that Cas’s agreement caused.

   “See you there at seven?” Roy asked.

   “Yep, seven.”

   “Okay then. See you later, Cas.”

   Dean was at the door to the office, but jerked back around when he heard the other man use the name only he was allowed to say.

   Seeing Dean’s reaction, Castiel decided to at least give him that. “Actually,” he called after Roy, “it’s Castiel. I don’t like being called Cas.” _Except by him._

   “Okay. See you at seven then, Castiel.”

   Cas nodded and then looked back to Dean, but he’d already stepped into the office. With a sigh, he carried the box over to the counter where Emily stood smiling. She hadn’t been able to hear what was said, but had watched the whole thing with interest.

   “What was all that?”

   “I told you Roy had flirted with me before. Well, he asked me out for drinks tonight. I said yes.”

   “I’m guessing he heard?” She nodded past him and Castiel turned to see Dean walking through the lobby with a package of his own.

   “Yeah. I’m not really interested in Roy, but I don’t want to be like I was after Marcus. I’m sad all the fucking time and I miss him so much. He’s all I think about, but I can’t be with him. I feel like if I don’t throw myself out there, let someone else distract me, then I’ll never get over him.” He shrugged. “And who knows? Maybe I’ll be more interested in Roy after I get to know him.” _Or at least interested enough to fuck after a few Blue Bombers._ “I have to get over Dean. I just have to.” He picked up the box and went around to come in the back.

   Emily sighed. It was not going to be as easy as Castiel wanted it to be. _He doesn’t even realize he’s in love._

 

   Dean came back to the office and sat the package on the couch.

   “What’d we get?” Sam asked.

   “I think it’s the new marketing media we ordered.” Dean took out his pocket knife to open up the box. “Yep.” He held up a pamphlet-sized flyer and then turned it around to show Sam their photo on the back. “Handsome guys, huh?” he asked with a smile.

   Sam left his desk to come check out all the new material. Dean was acting surprisingly animated over the items. It was the most normal he had seen him since things blew up. He hoped it meant that Dean was finally able to stop fretting over Castiel all the time. “These are awesome!”

   “That’s not awesome! _These_ are awesome.” Dean held up their new sleek new business cards. Heavy stock, fully colored, with their logo on one side and their info on the other.

   “Wow!” Sam grabbed his card from Dean’s hand. “I need to go pass these out to everyone.”

   “Right!” Dean stopped and by appearances seemed to have a sudden idea. “We should celebrate. Let’s go have drinks tonight.” Without his brother to act like a baby sitter, Dean knew Lisa wouldn’t trust him to be out.

   Sam was ecstatic. Dean was acting like his normal self again and he couldn’t be happier. _If Dean wants to drink, then hell yeah, I’m on board. “_ Yeah! That’d be great!”

   “Okay. Let the girls know. I’ll take you by this really cool little place I found.” Dean knew Sam was going to give him so much shit if he figured out his reason for choosing The Tea Cup, but he didn’t care. He needed to be there. He needed to fix things.


	22. Chapter 22

   Castiel had stopped by his house to change and freshen up. He’d opted for a pair of loose-fitting jeans. He was going to put on his KISS band shirt, but decided that might be taken as a suggestion when it most certainly wasn’t. Instead, he went for his Pink Floyd, Dark Side of the Moon tee, with a red short-sleeve button-up over it. Despite his perfectly tousled hair and feeling pleased with his look, he was reluctant to go.

   The look on Dean’s face today had been hard to see. He obviously still cared, but what was the point if he made his choice. Castiel wasn’t ready to see anyone else, but he knew he had to be open. He had to go out, do things, distract himself from the pain of missing Dean. Resolute in his mission, he headed to the club.

   He found Roy in a beige Henley and dark jeans, sipping on a beer at the bar.

   “You made it,” Roy smiled, shaking Castiel’s outstretched hand.

   “Yeah. Sorry if I’m a little late. Wanted to stop by home and change. Do you want to move to a table?”

   “Get your drink first and then sure,” he said as he flagged the bartender down.

   Castiel knew exactly what he wanted. “Blue Bomber, please.”

   “Comin’ right up!” The bartender got to work.

   Roy eyed him with a bit of curiosity. “Looking to get relaxed quick, I see. I’ve had a few of those before. They’re strong.”

   “Yeah,” Cas said, smiling as he remembered how many Dean had downed. “They can be.”

   Drinks in hand, they moved past the bar to a group of tables, choosing one towards the back wall. “So, tell me about yourself, Castiel. Maybe start with why you said your name was Cas when you don’t like to be called that.”

   He shrugged. “Like I said, I was having a bad day, feeling mad at the world. I obviously wasn’t helping make it better. As for anything else, not much to tell. I like drinking, watching scary movies, and listening to good music. I’m pretty eclectic so good music is anything from gospel to pop to rap. Just depends on the song more than the genre.”

   Roy shook his head. "Nah, I don't think that was an answer. What is it about someone calling you Cas that you don't like?"

   Castiel's eyes narrowed over the pressed question. "Because it's not my name. I think I'm entitled to decide what I will or will not allow myself to be called."

   Raising his hands in surrender, Roy backed off. "You're right. I didn't mean anything by it. I was just curious."

   Relaxing again, Castiel drank down a good bit more of his mixed drink and waved at a waitress to have another ready to go. "What about you? What's your story?"  

   “I spent the majority of my life in Louisiana before taking off. Love gone bad caused me to go off and find myself. I ended up here a couple years ago. Started doing delivery work then. I used to do the residential deliveries, but they have me doing businesses now.”

   “Is it a job you like doing?”

   “I like it well enough. It’s how I met you and I can’t complain about that.”

   Castiel smiled politely as he looked down into his cup. “I’m hardly a catch.” He finished off his drink, wondering where his second one was.  _If things keep going like this, I'm gonna need a dozen more._

   “Have you seen yourself?” Roy laughed.

   He knew he was attractive, but there was more to a person than just their packaging. “Looks can be deceiving. I have baggage.”

   “So what? We all do. If someone said they didn’t have baggage they’d be lying. Did yours have anything to do with why you were so mad last week?"

   The ability Roy had to unknowingly keep picking at his aggravation over Dean annoyed Castiel. "That day was about something I'd rather not get into."

   "Okay then. You show me yours and I'll show you mine. What's your baggage?”

   Choosing to talk about Marcus rather than Dean, Castiel went through the story of falling in love and then being left for a woman. He spoke in what was probably excessive detail about the emotional wreck he had become afterwards. As he talked, he realized how so much of what he felt before he was experiencing again because of Dean. Rather than dwell on that, he pushed the thought away and asked Roy for his story.

 

   Dean was aggravated. Thanks to Definity, they were out of the office an hour and a half later than they would have been. He had tried to convince Sam to just dump them as clients because they were more trouble than they were worth. Their willingness to pay a higher after-hours rate, however, meant they got to stay clients.

   “It’s not like the bar isn’t going to be there because we’re going later,” Sam said. “Or will it? This isn’t like a mobile thing, is it?”

   “No,” Dean growled as he navigated the streets to The Tea Cup. It would be eight by the time they got there. Depending on how badly Cas wanted to get him out of his head, he could be drunk or even gone by then.

   He parked in the same area as before and walked around to the front. By the time, Sam figured out what was going on, it would be too late. He walked straight up to the bar and ordered them both the blue drinks that he’d had before. Before Sam could react, he asked, “You up for some pool?”

   Sam glanced about, but didn't pay much mind to anything he saw. “Sure. What did you order us?”

   “You’re gonna love it. Tastes like a blue Jolly Rancher.” When the drinks came, he handed one of the glasses to Sam and waited while he took a sip.

   He looked impressed. “Wow! It's pretty damn good! Okay. Lead on to the pool table.”

   Dean was smart enough to not go through the dance floor, but he kept his eyes peeled for any sign of Cas. He was getting frustrated when they made it to the pool table he had played at before and still hadn’t seen him. If Definity caused him to miss his chance to tell Cas what he needed to before he made a mistake with the other guy, he would cut them loose himself. As he was getting quarters from the change machine, he finally caught sight of the delivery driver at a table in the back corner. Cas was sitting with his back to the floor, but he knew it was him. The dark, messy hair gave him away.

   With the way the room was built, the pool table was in a corner, but a wall extended from that about twenty feet to the back wall. Cas was on the opposite side of the room and in a space where Dean could easily watch him without being seen himself. They seemed to be having a pretty engaging conversation and the driver looked happy, but without seeing Cas’s face, he had no idea how he was feeling.

   Sam had already picked his pool stick so Dean gave him the quarters to rack up while he picked one of his own. He grabbed one quickly, knowing Sam would still need a minute to get the balls ready. He took the extra time to pull out his phone, unblock Cas’s number, and quickly send a text.

   Dean:  _He’s not good enough for you._

   Sliding his phone back in his pocket, he watched Cas while Sam removed the rack and got ready to break. He held his breath when he saw Cas reach into his back pocket and pull out his phone.

   It must have had some effect because the date looked concerned. Cas just shook his head and placed the phone back in his pocket.

   Sam managed to get nothing in on the break so Dean took his turn, getting three striped balls before finally missing a shot.

   Giving up was not an option. He wasn’t going to let Cas ignore him. He sent another text.

   Dean:  _I miss you._

   This time, Castiel decided to send a response.

   Cas:  _Stop.  
_    Dean:  _I did and I didn’t like it. I need you._

   Sam cursed as he managed to get two solids in and then missed on his third shot.

   Dean lined up what was going to be an easy score, but saw Cas get up and head for the bathroom. He purposely fumbled the stick, getting laughed at by Sam over missing an easy shot. “I gotta take a leak.” He slid the pool stick back with the others and headed towards the restroom. His phone dinged before he got there.

   Cas:  _Why are you doing this? You made your choice._

   When Dean walked into the restroom, one guy was leaving and another was at a urinal. Cas was standing in the middle of the room, facing away, with his phone in hand as he waited for a response. Rather than text, he walked up behind him and put his arms around his waist and pulled Cas back against him, chin immediately resting on his shoulder. “Because any choice without you isn’t a choice at all.”

   Castiel had felt him as he neared. It was like something inside him that was always reaching for Dean. He wasn’t completely surprised he was there, but he was certainly thankful. As soon as he felt Dean around him, he sank back against him, unable to speak. Tears had begun to fall because of the wound the texts seemed to be poking. Now, they continued to pour because, in Dean’s arms, every bit of pain and sadness he’d experienced lifted from him. It was such a feeling of relief, a weightless serenity that made him feel cared for, safe. The fear that none of this was real, that Dean was just going to leave again, tainted his thoughts.

   Dean pressed his nose to Cas’s neck, breathing him in. “God, baby, I have missed you so much.” Cas turned in his arms and Dean saw the wet lines running down his cheeks. “Shit, Cas. I’m so sorry I caused any of this,” he said as he wiped the trails away. He had to blink back his own tears. Seeing so clearly the pain he'd caused made his heart ache. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

   Castiel gently grabbed Dean’s wrists, pulling his hands down. As much as he wanted to believe that everything was going to be fine, the reality was he could be getting set up for a second round of emotional misery. It was something he wouldn't easily recover from. “What...” He had to pause as he got choked up. Pulling himself back together, he tried again. “What are you doing to me, Dean? This isn’t fair. Why should you get to walk back in like you didn’t just cut me out of your life?”

   “I shouldn’t get to. I don’t deserve to get to and you deserve someone better than me, but I’m begging you to give me a second chance anyway. I made a mistake. I want to fix it.”

   “I don’t want to hurt anymore,” he replied softly.

   Dean's hands were back to his face, gently stroking his cheeks, pushing back a stray strand of hair. He just needed to touch him, let him feel how earnest he was. “You won’t. I promise you. Never again. I will take care of you like I should have from the beginning. I will do everything I can to always make sure I see a smile on your face.”

   Better words could not have been chosen. It was exactly what he needed to hear. Castiel had no desire to fight it anymore. Dean was what he wanted, what he needed. Despite that, the fact was that just moments before he had been trying to force himself to forget everything. “But...I’m here on a date.”

   “No. You’re not.” Dean backed him up to the wall, hands still cradling his face. “I don’t know where to go from this point, but I do know one thing. You are mine.” He pressed a kiss and groaned as Cas’s lips instantly parted. It was a drug he had gone too long without. Feeling Castiel’s tongue surge forward to play with his felt like life itself was returning to his body. It brought color and light back to his miserable, dull world. He never wanted this kiss to end.

   “Castiel?”

   Much to Dean's annoyance, the single word stopped their kiss. Cas didn’t need to look to know that Roy had just walked in to find them together, pressed against the wall. He looked up into Dean’s eyes, seeing the lust and knowing it was reflected in his own. They’d been without each other too long for it not to be. This was something that had to be taken care of though.

   Dean sighed and spoke quietly so only Cas could hear. “I have to get back to Sammy. Go home after this. I’m gonna text you later." He kissed him once more, regardless of the man standing there waiting for an explanation. As he walked out, he said, "I’m fixing this, Cas. Don’t you dare doubt it.” He didn’t even bother glancing at the driver as he left the restroom. That guy wasn’t important and would soon be out of their lives. When he walked back up to the pool table, Sam had a perplexed expression on his face. “What’s wrong?”

   “Dean, I think this might be a gay bar.”

    _Finally figured it out._  He grinned. “Yeah, but they have the best drinks.” He picked up his glass and Sam did the same so they could clink them together.

   “I can drink to that.” He downed the rest of Blue Bomber. “We probably shouldn’t tell Lisa this is where we went. She’ll either think you were looking for a hookup or trying to corrupt me.”

   “So, you don’t mind that I knew about this place and brought you here?”

   Sam shrugged and shook his head. “Nah. I assume you learned about it from Castiel, but it’s actually a nice place. I like that you wanted to hang out at all."

   Dean nodded, pleased that at least Sam wasn’t mad. He would be if he knew the real reason they were there, but Dean was less concerned about that now. He had just held Cas in his arms again and kissed him. He was on cloud nine and never coming down. “Alright. Time for me to kick your ass at this.”

 

   “I didn’t think the date was going that bad,” Roy said after Dean walked out.

   “That…” he gestured after Dean, but didn’t know what to even say. “I didn’t know he was here. He’s…”  _What do I even call him?_   “He’s someone I lost.”

   “Obviously, he's someone who gets to call you Cas. Is that why you don't like it? Is that Marcus? If he broke your heart once, it could happen again. You told me how awful that was, how long it took you to recover. Do you really want to risk that kind of pain?”

   Cas shook his head, but Roy’s words still applied. “It’s not Marcus, but he did hurt me and, yeah, I’m really scared that he might do it again. The way I just felt though, there’s nothing in the world that could even come close. It’s so worth it. I’m really sorry. I had no idea this would happen.”

   Roy smiled though there was a bit of sadness behind it. “It’s fine, Castiel. Nothing wrong with being in love. I’ll see you around.”

   As he watched Roy walk out, the words really sunk in.  _‘Nothing wrong with being in love.’ Am I?_  Cas sighed and leaned back against the bathroom wall.  _I shouldn’t ask such stupid questions._  It was easy to not think about it, not admit to, when Dean had told them they couldn’t be together. It would have hurt too much. With Dean’s promise to fix things between them though, he could finally admit to himself that he had fallen and fallen hard.  _‘Because any choice without you isn’t a choice at all.’_   _Maybe I’m not the only one who fell._

 

   Dean watched the delivery driver leave...alone.  _Good._

   Castiel came out a few moments later, heading for the door, but eyes searching for Dean. He saw him by the pool table with Sam and smiled, but kept on his path.

    _Go home, baby. I will talk to you soon_ , Dean thought to himself.

   An hour later, Dean dropped Sam off at his car back at the office and then headed towards his own place. He stopped at a gas station to fill up and text Cas. He included a link to an app he’d found.

   Dean:  _Hey, Cas. Download this app and find me on it by my email dean@winchesterit.com. I won’t get to say much tonight, but I will tomorrow. I know I’m asking you to trust me when you have no reason to, but I meant what I said. I’m going to fix this._

 

   Castiel clicked on the link that Dean had sent. It was for a disguised messenger app that required fingerprint recognition to log-in. If the fingerprint scan failed three times, there were steps you could do to get the account unlocked, but it required two different forms of verification. All texts disappeared within forty-eight hours of being read and all notifications appeared as ads. It was about as secure and hidden as he could imagine an app to be.

   He downloaded it and set up his account. With the email address Dean provided, it was easy to find him and send his first message.

   Castiel:  _This app certainly doesn’t help me trust you._    
   Dean:  _I just need time to figure some things out. I can’t be without you while I do that though. You are so important to me, Cas._    
   Castiel:  _You don’t understand how much I have missed you._  
   Dean:  _I do understand because everything has sucked without you._  
   Dean:  _I have to go, but will message you tomorrow._  
   Castiel:  _Promise?_  
   Dean:  _Promise. Nothing can stop me._  
   Castiel:  _Goodnight, Dean.  
_    Dean:  _Goodnight, Cas._


	23. Chapter 23

   When Dean pulled into his driveway, it wasn’t with a dejected sigh as it had been in nights past. He was content, even happy. All he had to do was close his eyes and he could feel Cas leaning back against him, taste his lips. He’d known he was missing him, but didn’t realize how badly until he had him back. _Never again._ He meant it. Nothing was going to keep him from fulfilling his vow to fix what he broke.

   There were big changes that needed to happen in his life. There was no denying it. He didn’t know how to go forward, but was going to make every effort to figure it out. Dean had made that decision when he heard Cas correct the other man about his name. The right to call him the by the shortened version of his name was Dean’s alone. The second the thought of ‘ _Cas is only for me’_ went through his mind, it took on a different meaning and the possessive feeling was overwhelming. He was not going to let anyone else have him. He couldn’t.

   Most days he had to force a smile when he got home. As he walked into the house and dropped his keys on the side table, his smile was genuine. He found Lisa sitting in the living room, reading a book on the couch while the TV was muted on the news channel.

   “Hey, hon,” she said when he came in. “You and Sam have a good time out?”

   He plopped down in the armchair with a satisfied sigh. “We did. It was nice. I’ve missed getting to go out and just relax. We needed that. I feel so much better now.” He leaned his head back against the chair, letting his eyes close. Better was an understatement. Phenomenal was closer to the truth.

   “I can tell. You look better. I thought you’d been feeling a little down lately so I’m glad the night out helped.”

   “It did.” He pushed back up out of the chair. “Wore out though. I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” He left the living room to head towards their bedroom.

   “Hon, how about my goodnight kiss?” she called after him.

   “Muah,” he said, continuing on his way.

   Lisa rolled her eyes, but smiled. Kiss or not, if her husband was finally getting back to his old self, then she was thankful. Happy that life seemed to be getting back on track, she returned to her reading.

 

   Saturday morning, Castiel began to slowly awaken, stretching his nude body out across the soft sheets of his bed. He’d worn a pair of boxers to sleep, but after a few too many thoughts about Dean, they’d gotten used for clean-up. There was definitely a lot to clean up, as well. He’d only gotten off once since the barbeque and it had been to the thought of some intensely punishing hate sex with Dean. Since then, he hadn’t let his mind go there at all. Last night’s thoughts were far different though.

   It felt like forever since he’d woken up with a smile on his face. As he finished his stretch, he grabbed the pillow next to him and hugged it tight to him, wishing he wasn’t waking up alone. He knew it was far too early to be feeling so happy. There was still a lot that he and Dean were going to have to discuss. What he said last night just kept playing in his head though and it gave him so much hope. _‘Because any choice without you isn’t a choice at all.’_ Everything about it felt genuine.

   Curious, he let go of his pillow to roll back and grab his phone from the nightstand. The app had sent him an “ad” for a random pet food. He scrolled to the page the app was on and saw a little number two next to it. Signing in actually started to cause him a bit of anxiety as he remembered the last time he woke up to two text messages from Dean. _Please don’t let it be the same. Please don’t let it be the same._ It was a chant in his head as he pulled up the messages.

   Dean: _Good morning, sunshine!  
_    Dean: _I miss you, baby. Message me when you’re awake._

    It was such a relief that he fell back on his pillow, releasing the breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. “Thank god.”

    Rolling to his side, he took a selfie of himself snuggled into his pillow and sent it to Dean.

   Castiel: _I’m up. Are you?_  
   Dean: _Fuck! I am now! You always look so hot in bed._  
   Castiel: _It’s even better in prison._  
   Castiel: _*In person! Not prison! Fucking autocorrect!_  
   Dean: _lol I don’t doubt it. I plan to find out as soon as possible._  
   Castiel: _Is that so?_  
   Dean: _It is._  
   Castiel: _How exactly do you plan to do that?  
_    Dean: _I don’t know. In all seriousness, Cas, I don’t know what to do._

   That wasn’t what Castiel wanted to hear. It sounded like second-thoughts and he didn’t want to be on the wrong end if that was the case.

   Castiel: _That’s not comforting. You need to be sure about what you want. Maybe we should take a step back until you know._

   He waited for a reply, but was surprised when his phone rang. Dean was calling. Pressing the green accept button, he answered. “Hello, Dean.”

   “No.” It was definitive. “There is no taking a step back. I know exactly what I want. I want to be with you.”

   “On the side? While you play married man?”

   Dean sighed. “No. Of course not. That’s not fair to you or Lisa or even myself. I know that,...but, Cas, I’m scared. I don’t know what I’m doing. I know what I have to do, but I feel like a shit human being. First, what I did to you and now what I’m going to do to her. I’m scared my family and friends are going to hate me. They’re going to think I’m a horrible person for cheating. I’m terrified they won’t like you, that they’ll think you took me away or something. I really want everyone to like you like I do.”

   “Like you do?” Cas asked with a little smile.

   “Well, not exactly like I do,” he conceded. “It’s really important to me that they care though. I’m just so worried that I’m going to ruin everything. I do that sometimes. Ruin things. I don’t want to ruin this like I almost did. The fact that you’re even talking to me after what I said… I feel really lucky to have you because I don’t know how I’d get through all of this on my own.”

   Castiel could hear the sincerity in Dean’s voice. He was talking about a huge life change that would alter everything he’d ever known. Of course it was going to be challenging and frightening. Cas recognized that he was going to have to be patient and be strong for them both. Clearing his throat, he said, “Dean, it’s scary for me, too, but I’m going to put my faith in you. I’m going to trust you. I don’t want you to rush into anything because you think I want you to. You need to slow down, really think about what should happen, and then start doing things one step at a time. If you need time to come to grips with what you need to do, then that’s fine. I will be there for you. Just so long as you really do promise you’re coming back to me.”

   “With you is the only place I want to be.”

   Like everything he said last night, those words were like a healing balm for the pain Dean had caused. Piece by piece, he was being put back together by the only man he wanted. It occurred to him that with wanting Dean so badly, it made any support he gave a little one-sided. “I do think you need to tell someone else. Someone who isn’t me and maybe less biased about what you should do.”

   “Yeah, I keep thinking I should tell Sam. I know he wants me to be happy, but he also thinks I’m better off with Lisa, so I’m not sure.”

   “Speaking of Sam, what excuse did you give for taking him to a gay bar?” Castiel asked with a chuckle.

   Dean grinned. “We just went out for fun and I may have neglected to mention what type of bar it was. He did figure it out though, but the drinks and general feel of the place sold him.”

   “It is a great place. Did he know I was there?”

   “No.” Dean paused and ran a hand over his face. “I need to figure out a way to tell him what I plan to do.”

   “You will when you’re ready.” Castiel did wonder how far into the future that would be. He didn’t want to have to wait too long to finally have his time with Dean. “Last night wasn’t enough. I want to see you.”

   “Baby, I would love to see you, too, to kiss you again. You’re right. It wasn’t near enough.”

   “Well, what are you doing right now?”

   He sighed again. “Waiting on Lisa to get back from grocery shopping. She’s kept a pretty tight leash lately. I’m not sure how I’m gonna get around it, but I’ll come up with a way. Nothing can keep me away forever.”

    _Or you could just tell her and have me fucking your ass within the hour, but whatever._ Cas bit his tongue though. _I need to be supportive. I can do that._ “Okay. Having your hands on me last night reminded me of how much fun we have when we’re together. I’m really wanting more of that.”

   Dean’s voice lowered. “We may have some time if you wanna... _talk_ about things.”

   The deep tone had Castiel’s cock coming back to life. Phone sex was not really his thing, but teasing Dean was. “Well, not really a fan of ‘talking.’ So hard to imagine and talk and jerk off and not drop the phone. If I want to get off, I’ll just grab my Fleshlight and imagine bending you over.”

   “Damn it, Cas. For not being into it, you sure know how to turn me on.” His hand slid down over the growing bulge in his loose shorts.

   “I think you were already turned on. Hmm...what should I imagine bending you over? Foot of my bed? Your desk? Mine? Hood of your car?”

   “Yes!” The answer was instant. Cas’s low chuckle sent a chill through Dean as he pulled himself from his shorts and began to stroke the hard length.

   “You really have a thing about that car. Works for me though.” With slow purposeful words, he painted an erotic image for Dean. “I could imagine stripping you down and bending you over the hood. Spreading your cheeks and eating that sexy ass until you’re dripping and begging for my cock.” Cas grinned and then whispered, “It’s so fucking sexy when you beg, Dean.”

   Dean groaned into the receiver. “Tell me more,” he pleaded.

   Castiel was really enjoying the ability to get Dean turned into such a mess with mere words. “I could. I could tell you all about how I would push my cock in slow, just to get you used to it, and then fuck you so hard that you’d be seeing stars. I could tell you about how I would leave bruises on your hips and bite marks across your back. I could tell you about how you’d scream my name and cum all over that pretty chrome finish...right before I filled that ass, making you mine.”

   “I’m already yours,” he breathed, stroking increasing, getting close.

   “No. No, you’re not. I’m yours, but you’re not mine, not yet. You will be though. I could tell you all about how I’d hold you tight while I was still pulsing inside you, about how you’d whine the second my cock slipped out of you, about how much I’d like seeing my cum leak from your tight, pretty ass.”

   “Oh, Cas!” Dean came, spraying milky-white cream from the couch where he sat to the coffee table and onto the floor, finally dripping onto his hand.

   “But why would I tell you about any of that when it will be so much more fun to show you?”

   Dean could hear the smile of perverse delight in Cas’s voice. He grinned as he relished one of the better orgasms he’d had in the past two weeks. “Ugh! Such a mess you made me make. I really hate you right now.”

   “No, you don’t. You love me.” The words were out before he could even stop them. It was just supposed to be a quip, but he knew it would seem far more significant. Backpedaling wouldn’t be any better so Castiel just cringed and waited for a reply. For a few long moments, all he could hear was Dean’s breathing as he calmed down. He was just about to say he was kidding when Dean’s voice came through.

   “You know, I think I just might.”

   Castiel felt like he was high on the world’s best drug. While not an admission, it was pretty damn close. He felt he may have been right about not being the only one falling. Before he could say anything, though, Dean was cursing.

   “Shit! Shit! Shit!”

   “What?”

   “Lisa’s pulling in and there’s jizz everywhere. I have to clean up. I have to go.”

   “Okay.”

   “Cas…, don’t give up on me. I’m working on it.”

   “I won’t. Talk to you soon.”

   “Soon.”

   The line went dead and Castiel scooted up in his bed to lean against the headboard. Imagining Dean running around to clean up his cum was a hilarious thought. He couldn’t help the tiny part that wished he would have been caught. A hand lazily stroked over the tent that had formed in his sheet. _Could have made better use of this then._ His imagination veered toward what it would be like to have Dean living with him. Wondering how often they’d fuck, where they’d do it at. Rather than do what he had told Dean he would, he opted to take a shower and continue his domestic fantasy there.

 

   Dean dropped his phone to the couch and ran for paper towels. While he was furiously wiping at the carpet, he turned on the TV so it would seem like he had been watching something. Lisa came in and he quickly shoved the dirty paper towels under the couch and appeared interested in the TV.

   She stepped into the living room. “Hey, hon. Can you help me with groceries?”

   “Yeah. I’ll be out there in just a second. This is interesting.”

   Lisa moved around to see the news report that was airing.

    _“The product is said to help reduce cellulite in three ways. Our ‘Health News’ reporter, Lindsey Gray, has more.”_

   She looked back to Dean with a raised brow. “Is this your way of trying to tell me something?”

   Biting back his annoyance over the news covering something so stupid, he managed innocence. “What? Guys get cellulite, too!”

   She eyed his toned body skeptically. “Whatever. Help me you’re done.” She tossed her purse down and while she went back to the car, Dean quickly disposed of the paper towels.

   He helped carry the groceries inside and started unbagging while Lisa put the items away. It was such a normal, home-life thing to be doing that Dean’s guilt began to well up once again. It no longer had the ability to dissuade him, but it did have him feeling like shit. When she looked up at him and smiled that sweet, unconcerned smile, it just made it that much worse. She really had no idea. It made him itchy to get out of the house, get away from the feeling. Leaving the house alone was likely not an option though.

   As he gathered up the empty bags and pushed them into the trash, making sure to push down the paper towels, he said, “Hey. I have a question. Do you think you’re ever going to be able to trust me?”

   “What are you talking about? I trust you now.”

   “So, if I wanted to leave the house for a bit, you would be okay with that?” 

   Lisa became visibly tense though she tried to hide it by leaning back against the counter. “Um, where are you wanting to go?”

   “I’m not saying I want to go anywhere. The where doesn’t matter anyway if you can’t trust me enough to let me leave."

   “Well, if you’re not actually wanting to go anywhere, what is the point in discussing it?”

   In that moment, Dean knew she was never going to trust him. Even if he didn’t already know that he wanted to end the marriage, that would have been reason enough. “Yeah. You’re right. Never mind.” He helped her put up the last few items that were still on the counter. “Do you think we can see if Sam and Eileen can come over for dinner tomorrow?”

   “I’ll check. If you want, I’ll see if we can go over there. Get you out of the house, ya know.”

   The implication was clear. If Dean wanted to go somewhere so badly, then she’d give him a place to go. “You’re acting like my brother’s house is a treat you’re allowing me.”

   She had just put a box of rice up and slammed the cabinet door. “I don’t fucking ‘allow’ or ‘let’ you do anything, Dean! You’re an adult. You can do what you want. Do you want to go or not?”

   He was actually surprised that she had snapped back since she was normally the more level-headed between them. Deciding to keep the peace for the time being, he just shrugged and said, “Whatever you want, hon,” as he walked out of the kitchen.

   Behind the closed door of the master bathroom, Dean sent Cas a message.

   Dean: _I’m telling Sammy tomorrow._


	24. Chapter 24

   Sunday afternoon, Castiel was debating whether or not banging his head on the table would be less painful than what he was dealing with now. His dad had asked for some help moving the furniture around so they could add in a new piece. Good son that he was, he had agreed, but he was regretting it. His assistance led to his mother demanding she make him a healthy lunch after all the hard work. In reality, it was to press him about the neighbor’s daughter.

   “She’s adorable, Castiel, and so nice! I just think that if you gave her a chance, you two would really get along.”

   “Yeah, you’re right, Mom. We probably would. We could go the mall together and eat ice cream while we make fun of all the THOTs and rate all the guys on a scale of never-would-I-ever to I-would-suck-him-right-now. It’d be great! Loads of fun!” His mother never seemed bothered by his crude words, but it didn’t stop him from trying every time they talked. 

   “It’s not nice to call women ‘hoes,’” she sniffed. 

   Castiel stared wide-eyed at his mom.  

   “What?” she asked.

   “I just can’t believe you know what a THOT is.” He was trying to shock her, but the tables had been turned. He never thought he’d hear the word “hoe” from his mother when speaking about anything other than a garden tool.  Luckily, he knew one thing that was bound to leave both his parents speechless. “I did meet a cute, nice girl.”

   His mom’s hand flew to his dad’s arm, gripping it tight. 

   “Ow! Easy, dear.”

   “Charles, did you just hear that? Our son met a woman!”

   “Yeah, he works in customer service. He probably meets new people every day.” His dad had accepted his sexual orientation long ago and did not harbor the same denial his mother did.

   “I actually met her at the bowling alley. Her name is Chelsea. She came on kind of strong, but then we met up a second time at a bar.” He took a bite of the ham salad sandwich his mom had made while he took in the sight before him. The looks on their faces in this moment was the best part of the whole Chelsea-fiasco. His dad looked both surprised and concerned. His mother, on the other hand, looked like she was about to implode with happiness. He could imagine that she was already thinking about a wedding and grandchildren.

   “This is so great,” his mom squealed. “When will we get to meet this lovely girl? You should bring her over for dinner some night. It would be nice to get to know the girl who was finally able to catch your eye.”

   “Well, after we met at the bar, I invited her back to my place so we could ‘have all the sex,’ but it didn’t work out because I’m gay and only like dick so, she got annoyed and left. Oh, by the way, she stole the red fish you bought me. I don’t know why. Nice girl though.” He continued eating as if he was having a completely normal conversation. 

   His dad was staring at his plate, trying not to laugh, but his mom was turning a most unbecoming shade of red. 

   “I know. You’re mad,” he said to his mom. “Don’t worry. I’ll get another fish. Maybe I can go decor shopping with my boyfriend and find another one. Did you get it at  _ Hobby Lobby _ or  _ Michael’s _ ? Did they have blue ones? I prefer blue.”

   His mother was absolutely done. She stood up and collected plates from both the men whether they were finished eating or not. “I’ll get the pie.” She went back to the kitchen, leaving the guys at the table.

   With his wife out of the room, his dad finally spoke. “That was mean, but well done,” he grinned. “So, how about the truth this time? Are you seeing someone now? It’s been months since things ended with Marcus. It would be nice for your mom to have to accept the truth.”

   While his mother desperately wanted him to be straight, she had been civil to Marcus when they were together. The fact that Marcus left him for a woman just reinforced her belief that Castiel was wrong about being gay and “would realize the truth” like Marcus had. He tried explaining to his mother that Marcus was bisexual, but she only heard what she wanted. Castiel shrugged. “Kinda. I like him a lot, but we’re not exactly...exclusive.”

   “He’s seeing someone else?”

   “Yeah, but that’s going to end.”

   “Do you really believe that?”

   The question surprised Castiel. “Of course I do. Why do you ask?”

   His mom returned and dropped a paper plate with a piece of cherry pie in front of each them.

   “Thank you, dear!”

   “Thanks, Mom.”

   She didn’t respond to either, huffing back to the kitchen and leaving them alone again. 

   “It’s just that I’ve seen a lot in my day. There are even guys I know that have strung people along for years. I just don’t want that to happen to you. I don’t want you putting your happiness on hold to be with someone who wouldn’t give up everything for you.”

   Castiel considered that. He promised to have absolute faith in Dean, but his dad’s words shook him. “Would you give up everything for Mom?”

   “In a heartbeat.”

   The complete lack of hesitation made Castiel smile. The love between his parents was what he grew up seeing. It was what he wanted for himself. He really wanted it with Dean, but even if he got divorced there was no guarantee that it would work out with them long-term. That was a scary thought that he quickly dismissed. The potential for heartache was there, but he didn’t have to dwell on it. He chose to believe that things would work. That was a much happier picture. He nodded, more to himself than his father. “Dean’s worth the risk.”

   His father smiled. “He must be amazing then and I look forward to meeting him someday.”

   “Thanks, Dad.”

 

   Dean’s day had gone well so far. Lisa had left in the morning to go to her yoga class and then do lunch with her friends when she was done with the gym. He had only been mildly frustrated when he found out Cas was busy. Had he been able to go see him, Dean knew he’d have spent their time constantly looking at the clock to make sure he got back to the house before Lisa. That wasn’t how he wanted their next time together to be. Cas deserved to have every inch of his body worshipped and that required undivided attention. That meant it was just as well that they couldn’t see each other today, even though Dean was craving those expert kisses.

   With so much free time, he took Baby out of the garage and gave her a thorough cleaning while blasting the classic rock station on her radio. When he waxed the hood, he found himself getting turned on as he could imagine Cas coming up behind him and fulfilling the fantasy he’d so sweetly described. Knowing the reality would be far better, he pushed past the thought and continued his work. 

   Most of his thoughts centered around what he was going to tell Sam. He went over and over what he’d say. He tried to prepare for every possible reaction short of one that was outright positive. Dean wanted to be optimistic, but reluctant acceptance was the best outcome he could hope for. What he expected was to be admonished and his brother to attempt to talk him out of it. He sincerely hoped that would not be the case.

   Finished with his work, he stepped back to see how she looked. He never let her get real dirty, but she was definitely shining like a polished onyx gem now. After a quick shower and some lunch, he was feeling pretty good. He started to think that maybe the evening wouldn’t be as bad as he thought.   
  


 

   That evening, Sam and Dean cooked some steak and pepper kabobs outside while the girls got a couple of sides ready in the kitchen. Dean had made sure to close the sliding glass door when they went out to light up the grill.

   Once the kabobs were cooking, the two men sat down in a couple patio chairs to sip their beer and chat about life as they usually did. 

   “I have some news,” Sam said as they took their seat.

   “Oh? Good news or bad news?”

   He grinned. “It’s good news I think. Eileen and I are going to start trying to have a baby.”

   Dean was shocked, but quickly shook it off to tap his brother on the shoulder. “Wow! That’s amazing! You’re gonna be a dad! You’re gonna be awesome at it! Way better than our dad.” 

   “Low bar,” Sam mumbled.

   “I’ll get to be an uncle,” Dean said in amazement. “I’m totally going to be the cool uncle. Teach him about cars and music and girls… or guys”

   “What if we have a girl?”

   “Then I’ll teach  _ her _ about cars and music and guys...or girls.” Dean pointed both thumbs at himself. “Cool uncle.” 

   Sam started laughing. “Alright! Calm down! She’s not pregnant yet, but we’re hoping it’ll happen sooner than later.” Sam was smiling ear to ear. “It’s kinda scary, but we both agreed that we’re finally ready. We’re financially stable. The past is no longer an issue. Life is good, ya know. We both really want kids so, it’s time.”

   “Yeah, it is! You’ve been together almost four years now, married for two of those. It’s definitely time,” Dean agreed. 

   Sam cleared his throat. “Just to warn you, Eileen plans to try to talk Lisa down the baby path, too. That way the kids can grow up with someone close to their own age. Have their cousin be their best friend.”

   “Oh, god.” Dean looked concerned as he sat forward, elbows on his knees, hands twisting around the bottle he held. 

   Seeing his expression, Sam said, “I know. I told her you weren’t there yet. She thinks because you’re the big brother, you should be, but you and Lisa haven’t even been together that long. Have you all ever even talked about kids?”

   It seemed like as good a time as any to tell Sam the truth. “Actually, I have news, too.”

   Sam’s eyes went wide and his smile grew. “Oh my god! Is Lisa already pregnant? Eileen would be so mad!” he laughed.

   Dean shook his head and grimaced. “No, no. My news isn’t of the good variety and I really, really need you to promise me that you won’t tell Eileen.”

   “She’s my wife. I tell her everything.”

   “You can’t tell her this. I need to know I can trust you.”

   Realizing that something serious was happening, Sam sat forward in his seat. He wasn’t used to seeing his carefree brother so grim and almost twitchy with nerves. Worried about Dean, he immediately agreed. “Okay. I promise. What’s going on?”

   Dean opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Saying the words out loud was turning out to be far harder than it was in text or even in his head. He heard Cas’s voice reminding him, ‘ _ One step at a time’. _ Deciding not to start off with the worst words first, he took a deep breath and tried to explain so it would make sense. “I’m not happy anymore. I haven’t been for a while, but I didn’t know. I’ve been doing what I feel like I’m supposed to, but that...that joy, I guess, that life is supposed to have, I don’t feel it. There’s nothing that gets me excited. My life is just…,” he sighed, feeling like he wasn’t being clear, “I got married because I felt like I should. You already had. Everyone was just waiting on me and I was with Lisa. She was a great girlfriend and got along with everyone so I decided it was a smart move. I think I was wrong.”

   Sam nodded slowly as what he said began to sink in. He said the words that had been too hard for Dean. “You’re going to divorce Lisa.”

   Dean nodded, tears starting to form as he waited for his brother’s judgment.

   “Wow. Is this because of Castiel?”

   “A little. When I was with him, I felt different. Happy, special… I don’t know. I woke up excited about every day and I went to bed with a smile. I didn’t know life could feel like that. It was fun and exciting. That never happened before and it sure as fuck doesn’t happen now.”

   Turning to his brother, Sam asked, “Never? I’ve seen you and Lisa together. Can you really tell me you were never happy?”

   “Of course there were good days, but even a broken clock is right twice a day, Sam. I don’t know that I ever loved her though. I care for her. I want her to be okay. I don’t like that I’m going to hurt her. That’s not what I want, but this life isn’t what I want. Like I said, I married her because everyone expected it. It’s not a bad life. We’re compatible enough. We get along. Sex was good. I never felt excited about any of it though. Not like I did when I was with Cas.”

   Sitting back again, Sam sighed. “I remember your wedding day. You weren’t nervous. I have never seen a groom who seemed so calm and I thought then that something wasn’t right. I told myself you were just that sure about what you were doing. You were that sure that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with Lisa.”

   “I was sure, but I was sure for the wrong reasons. I know that now.” Dean sniffled and wiped at his tears. “I’m sorry. I know I’m letting you down.”

   “Dean, you’re not letting me down.” He quickly stood to rotate the kabobs and then sat back down. “Look. I can understand it. I know there was a difference in you after you met Castiel. A person would have to be blind to not have seen it. You were happy, like when we were younger and, yeah, that was different. It was nice, actually, and I liked seeing you like that. The day I walked in and saw you two together though, I told you two things. I said to be absolutely sure and to be honest with Lisa. I’m not judging you, Dean. I care about you. You need to do what’s right for you. If you’re not happy, you’re not happy. I’m your brother. I’m always going to have your back, but you have to be honest.”

   He felt like there had been a vice around his chest and it had just let go. The weight of worrying about what Sam would say eased and he could breathe. “Thanks. I was so worried that you’d want to disown me or something.”

   “Nah. We’re family. We don’t have to agree, but we’re stuck with each other anyway. Besides, I’m not surprised. You guys were not as subtle as you think you were at the party. You were worse than he was, by the way. It was so sweet of you to serenade him."

   Dean turned a bit red and took a long swig of his beer. He had tried to be so careful that night.

   "Eileen came to me and asked if your all’s friendship seemed like something more. Lisa is her friend, so she asked me to check on it. It’s why I told Castiel to back off.”

   “Yeah, I’m not okay with that, by the way,” Dean interjected, voice rough with emotion. 

   “Obviously, it didn’t matter. Does Lisa even have any idea that you’re wanting to end things?”

   Dean shrugged. “I don’t know. I didn’t think so, but we had an argument last night. She doesn’t trust me anymore and I don’t think she ever will. She may be feeling as done as I am at this point.”

   “I doubt that,” Sam said before grabbing his beer up and taking a sip. “So, I take it you’ve been talking to Castiel again?”

   Another nod from Dean. 

   “Did it start Friday? Is that the real reason why you were in a good mood and wanted to go out?”

   “No. I mean, it did start Friday, but it didn’t happen like that. I overheard some other guy asking him out for drinks at The Tea Cup. Cas said yes.”

   “Oooh! That’s why you were so pissed off about not getting there when you wanted to.” Pieces were coming together for Sam. “Wait. So he was there? Did you see him? I was with you all night. I didn’t see him.”

   “You weren’t in the bathroom with me, but he was. The thought of him being with someone else...I just couldn’t stand it. I wanted him back. No one else is good enough for him. I’m not even good enough, but I want to be. I needed to tell him that.” He took a steadying breath. “I’ve never felt like I do when I’m with him. He’s what I need, Sam.”

   Sam was slightly taken aback by the profoundness of what Dean was saying. “Dean, are you in love with him?”

   The question had Dean shifting uncomfortably. “I don’t know. Maybe.” The question annoyed him since he wasn’t sure, but also because if he was, Cas should be the first one to know. “I don’t want to talk about that.”

   “Okay. That’s fair. I understand that he’s important to you. I’ll support you if that’s what you want, but only if you tell Lisa.”

   “I will. I want to make sure I have everything in order first, that I have all the necessary paperwork, a lawyer waiting just in case. I don’t think she’ll fight me, but I want to be prepared. She can have the house. I figure I’ll be set to tell her by Friday.”

   “Sounds like you’ve already done a lot of thinking.”

   “Yeah.”

   They heard the sound of the sliding door opening and Lisa called out, “Are they still not done?”

   “Shit!” Sam jumped up and rescued the kabobs from the grill. They were well-done, but thankfully, not burnt. 

   The two couples were able to have a nice dinner and play some girls versus guys card games afterwards. Dean wondered if things like, cookouts and games, would still happen when he was officially with Cas. He really hoped so. 

   Now that Sam knew it really made everything real. He was actually going to do this. The nervous excitement felt like it was rushing through him on the way home. Lisa seemed to be in a completely different mood, quiet and pensive. Neither seemed that cognizant of the other or their differing moods. When they got home, they went to bed with barely a goodnight said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please bear with me if the updates come a little slow this week. I have fallen gravely ill (writer speak for "I have a cold."). I am trying to stick to posting every other day, but if I miss a day, I wanted you to know why. My energy and creativity are non-existent at the moment. As soon as I see Miracle Max and become healed, the quest to find happiness for these idiots shall continue at its normal pace.


	25. Chapter 25

   Castiel was getting nervous. He hadn’t heard from Dean at all since he left for dinner the night before. He was having a constant internal argument about the possibility that Sam had talked him into not leaving Lisa. It wasn’t what he wanted to believe, but as time ticked by the worry continued to gnaw at him. While he’d never been a religious man, he was praying to any god that would listen to please not put him through the pain of losing Dean twice.

   When he had walked into work at nine, he was greeted by Emily asking how the date with Roy went. Since it wasn’t his main concern, he didn’t really want to talk about it, but knew he had to abate her curiosity. “It was okay. He was nice, but we just didn’t really click, ya know.” Without having heard from Dean, he didn’t want to tell her the full story. If things went south, he didn’t want to burden her a second time with his broken heart.

   “Sure. Sometimes things just don’t work out. Are you okay though? You seem a little...off or something. I don’t know.”

   “Just didn’t sleep well last night. I’m gonna get started. Let me know if you need anything.”  

   Back at the front counter, Emily was wondering what she could do to cheer her boss up. Her assumption was that he was still upset over what happened with Dean. She was proud of him for at least trying to get over him by agreeing to a date. It was a start.

   She was startled from her thoughts when the devil himself suddenly appeared in front of her. Dean Winchester in a dark gray fitted tee and jeans stood at the counter with a big grin on his face. It surprised her to see him since it was the first time he’d stopped by since saying he and Cas weren’t supposed to communicate.

   “Hey, Em! Is Cas here?”

   His jovial manner had her wary. “Maybe. Why?”

   “Maybe? Either he is or he isn’t. I just want to talk to him.”

   “You aren’t supposed to talk to him, remember? I think you need to go.” Her icy tone let him know exactly where she felt he could go.

   Dean rolled his eyes. “Guess he didn’t tell you. That’s fine.” He hopped up on the counter and swung his legs around to join her on the other side. His interest was in what lay beyond that entryway to the back. He headed through to look for Cas.   

   “What are you doing? You can’t be back here!” Emily yelled, grabbing his arm and trying to pull him, oddly enough, back the way they came.

   Hearing the commotion, Castiel came to his office door to see Dean in their kitchen with Emily giving a monumental but futile effort to pull him away. He leaned against his office doorway with an amused smile.

   When Dean saw him, he smiled back. “Hey, babe.” He tugged his arm a bit, causing Emily to almost lose her footing. “Wanna call off your attack dog? She’s little, but vicious.”

   “‘Though she be but little, she is fierce,’” Cas quoted. “Emily, it’s fine.”

   She instantly let go. “He jumped the counter.”

   Cas pointed to the door in the corner. “Use the door next time. It’s why we have it.”

   “Noted.” Waving towards Cas’s office, he asked, “Can I talk to you?”

   Nodding, Castiel stepped inside his tiny office, waited for Dean, and then closed the door. The second the latch clicked, Dean was on him, pushing him into the wall. It momentarily caught him off guard as he wasn’t sure why he had stopped by. He quickly caught up though, arms wrapping around his waist, pulling him harder against him as his lips parted to welcome Dean in.

   Dean threaded a hand through Cas’s hair, grabbing a handful of locks to tilt his head back, letting him deepen their kiss. If he could have every morning start like this, he’d never need another coffee. He’d been desperate to have Cas again. It was like an annoying itch that couldn’t be scratched until they were with each other.

   Cas managed to get his lips away, but pulling a page from his own book, Dean quickly shifted to start kissing and sucking lightly at his neck. “Dean…”

   “You know, I could leave actually leave a mark on you, right here,” his tongue flicked across the sensitive spot below his ear, “where anyone could see. Then they’d know you were taken. Wouldn’t have to worry about random assholes asking you out.” He set his mouth to the spot.

   The possessive quality was a turn-on and Castiel wanted that mark, but he needed to know first. “Dean.” He moved his hands between them and pushed against Dean’s chest, forcing him to let go and back up a couple steps. “I messaged you last night and you never answered. I’ve been having fucking anxiety attacks. Did you talk to Sam?”

   “Why else would I be down here claiming what’s mine?” he asked, taking a prowling step forward. “I wanted to surprise you with the good news. I told him how miserable I had been and how you make me happy just by existing.” Raising a hand, he slid the back of his fingers down Cas’s cheek. “Told him how important you are to me, how much I need you.” He was inching closer. “He understands and is going to be there to help me through. Just like you, but without all the kissing and touching and…” He moaned as he bit at Castiel’s neck again.

   Cas let his eyes close as his head tilted back against the wall. He felt the uncertainty and doubt that had been plaguing him all night and day loosen its hold as relief flooded through him. The anxiety had been terrifying. His eyes flew back open.  _ Why the fuck did I have to deal with that? _  He grabbed Dean’s shirt at his shoulders, first shoving him away, and then spinning around, effectively trading places with him.

   Dean grunted as he hit the wall, but then chuckled. “You like being in charge, huh? I can deal with that.” He leaned forward to kiss him, but Cas caught his face, pushing his head back against the wall.

   “Do you know what your ‘surprise’ did to me? You left me knowing nothing, Dean. What was I supposed to think? I could barely sleep and I’ve been a wreck all morning. I thought Sam had talked you into staying with Lisa and leaving me alone...again. You can’t do that to me because this isn’t a normal relationship. I thought I’d lost you all over again.” He roughly let go of Dean’s face and turned around.

   Dean realized what a horrible idea his surprise had been.  _ Of course, he would jump to the worst conclusion. I haven’t given him anything else to believe in. _  “Fuck. Baby, I’m so sorry. You’re right. I didn’t think about the panic it would cause you and I should have.” He slipped around Cas, sitting up on edge of his desk, taking Cas’s hands in his. “Please, I need you to know something though. You can’t lose me. When I said never again, I meant it. This is real. This is happening. We are together. I am taking all but a day and a half of this week to get everything together and I’m gonna tell Lisa on Friday.”

   He wanted to ask if he was serious, but was thrown by the detail. “That’s oddly specific. What are you doing for a day and a half?”

   Dean was back to grinning. “So very glad you asked. I kinda have this ‘fuck-it’ attitude because I’m tired of not getting what I so badly want.” He let go of Cas’s hands to grab the sides of his shirt and pull him forward to stand between his legs as he scooted back a bit on the desk.  

   Dean had a way of making Castiel forget that he had been upset. There were far too many other enjoyable things that could be done with time rather than pouting. He wrapped his arms loosely around Dean’s neck. “Really? What would that be?” he purred, knowing full-well the answer.

   Dean’s hand slipped from Cas’s hip to the crotch of his pants, gripping slightly and feeling what was underneath swell at his touch. “This.” He looked up to Cas’s eyes, enjoying how the blue began to darken.

   “If you want it now, you can have it.” He dropped his hands to grab Dean’s legs behind the knees and lifted.

   The motion caused Dean to have to put his hands behind him to brace himself on the desk. It was a pleasant surprise. His eyes were wide, but his grin had gotten bigger. “Fuck, Cas!”

   “That is the idea,” he said, pressing against his ass.

   Dean groaned as he felt the pressure against the seam of his jeans. “So unfair! I would love to have you take me right now, but I’m already late. Can you take Thursday off?”

   The question was abrupt, throwing Castiel off his intent. He let go of Dean’s legs, allowing him to sit back up. “Um, I guess that’s possible. Why? What’s happening Thursday?”

   Dean ignored the question because he planned to answer it in a moment. “Are you busy Wednesday after work?”

   Castiel felt his heartbeat quicken as he started to understand what Dean was asking. “Are you coming over Wednesday?” The possibility of finally having him over had seemed so distant. He was elated that it could be sooner than he realized.

   “I would like to if you’ll let me. Stay the night with you. Spend Thursday with just the two of us, cuddled up together, no one else to worry about.” His hands ran slowly up and down Cas’s sides, over the white material of his shirt. “I want to learn every inch of you, hear your breath in my ear, moan your name when you take me. Will you let me do that?”

_ Fuck. _  Dean’s words finished what his touch had started. Castiel was fully hard now and it was obvious in his black slacks.

   “Looks like you’re interested,” Dean said, wiggling an eyebrow.

   “Keep it up and you won’t be leaving this office until I’ve cum,” he warned, stepping back for his own sanity. “First of all, yes, I want you in my home, in my bed. You’ll be lucky if you get to leave it for the time you’re there.”

   “That doesn’t sound very lucky,” Dean interjected with his happy-go-lucky grin.

   “I’m a little confused though. If you’re not telling Lisa that it’s over until Friday, what do you plan to tell her about where you’ll be?”

   “I don’t plan to tell her anything. She already doesn’t trust me. I’m just going to say that I’m gonna be gone for a couple days and I’ll see her Friday after work.”

   Cas frowned. “That’s kind of a shitty thing to do.”

   Dean pulled Cas back and dropped his head against his chest. “Not being with you is shitty. Not getting to see you, hold you, kiss you whenever I fucking want is shitty. Everything about this whole fucked up situation is shitty. Please don’t make me wait even longer. I need you more than anything right now, Cas. Please. Let me be yours.”

   It broke Castiel to hear him so desperate. He wasn’t okay with Dean being that way toward Lisa, but, at the same time, waking up with Dean was his number one fantasy. A glimpse of what life together would be like was too much to pass up.  _ Perhaps a compromise. _  “Come stay Wednesday night, but we work Thursday and you go home. Deal?”

   Cas’s finger under Dean’s chin lifted his head. “Deal. Thank you.”

   Cas smiled as he looked down at the handsome man in front of him. “I think I’m gonna have a problem ever saying no to you.”

   “Good.” Dean stood from the desk and had Cas back in his arms for one more kiss that went on for a bit longer than he intended. When he pulled back, he placed a sweet kiss on Cas’s nose. “Mmm. You’re so fucking cute. Okay. I really need to go. Sam’s going to kill me. Text me later?”

   “Only if you’re going to respond.”

   “You have my word.”

   Dean left the deli through the door and Cas walked up to the front to watch him as he came around. He couldn’t stop the little blush that happened when Dean winked at him as he walked by.

   “Em, you are scary as fuck! Don’t ever change!” Dean said as he walked by.

   It made her smile, but once he was out of earshot, she turned to Castiel. “I feel like I missed something. Care to explain?”

   “Sorry. I didn’t want to say anything because… Never mind. That doesn’t matter. Dean started texting me when I was on my date with Roy. It was really fucking with me. I stepped into the restroom and asked him why he was doing it when he had already made his choice. He was there at The Tea Cup. He stepped up behind me and said, ‘Because any choice without you isn’t a choice at all.’”

   “Aww!” Emily had a hand over heart and her eyes were just short of being anime glossy. “That is so sweet!” Remembering who she was talking about, she pulled herself back together. “I mean, he’s obviously a jerk for fucking up your date. That could have been something good.”

   Castiel chuckled. “Yeah, maybe. I’m in love with Dean though.” It was the first time he’d said it out loud.

   Having known this for a while, Emily was hardly surprised. The fact that he saw it now, too, was interesting though. “Wow! I can’t believe you finally realized that. Good for you! Do you really think it’s wise to have a relationship with a married guy? Aren’t you worried about having to go through the same thing all over again?”

   “I am absolutely terrified, but he said he’s going to tell her Friday that he wants to end it.” 

   “Are you sure he’s actually going to do it?”

   “My dad kinda asked me the same thing. Dean made me believe it today. If he had said soon or eventually or someday, I wouldn’t be so sure, but he didn’t. He said Friday. That’s five days away. That’s fast considering he just told me he wanted me back three days ago.”

   Emily could understand his thinking, but had to play devil’s advocate. “That is fast. What if it’s too fast and he’s not thinking this through? Is it possible he could regret the decision later?”

   Cas frowned over the question. “I don’t think so. He’s not happy with her. Even if he didn’t want to be with me, I think he’d be happier out of the marriage… He  _ does _  want to be with me though. Are you going to support that?”

   “Of course! Boss, all I want is for you to be happy. You deserve it.” She sighed and glanced out over the lobby. “Oh no!”

   “What?” He followed the way she was looking and saw Greg come out of the main offices. “Oh. He’s sad again.”

   The older, balding man in the brown suit came up to the counter and ordered a coffee.

   “Sure thing,” Emily smiled, though he had no reaction.

   Castiel took a try. “How are things, Greg?”

   He shrugged. “Not good. I think I’m gonna get fired.”

   “What?” Greg had been with the office management since before Cas had taken over the deli. It seemed surprising that they would let him go after all that time. “Why do you think that?”

   “Budget cuts,” he said, obviously irate. “Easier to get rid of someone who has been here a long time and makes more.”

   “That’s bullshit. I hope that’s not the case. We like having you around.” Cas waved his hand when Greg pulled his wallet out. “Don’t worry about. You want a doughnut to go with it? You deserve a treat after such shit news.”

   “Oh. Thanks, Castiel. Yeah, I love those crullers that you have.”

   Castiel grabbed one and put it in a bag, handing it to Greg. “Hope the rest of your day goes well.”

   “Thanks. Thanks, Emily.” He took his coffee and cruller and headed back to his office.

   “Such a shame. He’s a good guy,” Emily said.

   “It is. There’s no loyalty in business anymore.”

   “Are you gonna get rid of me and hire two younger models?” she said with a laugh.

   “Ha! That’s all I need. Two brainless teens with no idea how to run this place. If I did that, you know I would be at your door on my knees within forty-eight hours, begging you to come back.”

   “Oh, please. You know it would be within twenty-four.”

   Castiel laughed. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”


	26. Chapter 26

   Telling Sam had been a changing point for Dean. The things he did today, he wanted to do every day from then on out. He had his Baby parked in the spot next to Castiel’s Audi and wondered if Cas would appreciate the gesture. His new parking space meant he would be entering the building through the side entrance. That worked out well because every morning that Cas was there before him, he planned to stop in for more of those ‘good morning’ kisses.

   He was slightly perturbed by the fact that Castiel always left before he did so he wouldn’t get to kiss him goodbye. That changed when he went out to his car after work and found a daisy sticking under a windshield wiper. It was accompanied by a small folded piece of white paper. On the inside, it read:

> _You’re giving up your everything for me. I would do the same for you.  
>  _ _-C_

   Dean smiled and shook his head as he put the paper in his pocket. It was sweet, but wrong. He pulled out his phone and shot off a text to correct Cas.

   Dean: _Thank you, babe, but you’re wrong. I’m giving up my unhappiness so I can have my everything._

   As he got into his car, he realized that he had never said anything like that before. Not to Lisa. Not to anyone. Smitten didn’t even begin to cover it. Cas was the only thing on his mind and it was becoming bothersome. The need to spend time with him again was almost painful. Those morning kisses, while definitely the best part of his day, only took the edge off. He was well and truly addicted. _Addicted or obsessed? Or in love? I wonder if there’s even a difference._ His phone dinged. 

   Cas: _Damn it! I thought that was so sweet! Why did you have to go and one up me?_  
   Dean: _Because I’m crazy about you. Literally. I should see a shrink._  
   Cas: _Don’t do it before Wed. I want you crazy AF when you’re in my bed._  
   Dean: _Cross my heart. I will be whatever you want on Wed._  
   Cas: _Mine. I want you to be mine._  
   Dean: _Pretty sure I already am whether you believe it or not._  
   Dean: _I’m heading home. Will let you know when I get there.  
_    Cas: _Okay. Drive safe._

 

   Tuesday was an exciting day for Castiel. He was full of nervous energy as he tried to play out in his mind what he wanted to do to, for, and with Dean. _Should I make dinner? Maybe I should just order some food. Should I have the TV on or some music playing? What should I wear? Where should I be? That’s stupid. I’ll be answering the door so I’ll be at the door. Will it be awkward? Should I drag him straight to my room? Will he drag me there?_

   Castiel had been noticing that Dean was a bit more aggressive than he had previously thought. Despite begging to be taken, he wondered if Dean was going to want to top at some point. It used to be something he enjoyed and had never been a problem until he let the stranger take him in the bar bathroom. That night had made it something he associated with a lot of self-loathing and shame. He had felt worthless and wasn’t interested in putting himself in that position again. _But it’s different. It’s Dean. I love him. Shouldn’t I want to do whatever makes him happy?_ To even imagine himself feeling that vulnerable again made his stomach turn. He quickly pushed the thought away. It wasn’t something he could deal with at the moment. He took some of his easier questions to Emily for any useful input she might have.

   “Wow! You are really a mess about this, huh?” she asked as he laid out his list of questions.

   “Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had a guy come stay at my place?”

   “Well, you figured out what to do when you had a girl over.”

   He narrowed his eyes. “Not amused. Obviously, I didn’t care about her, but I care about Dean. I care about what he thinks. I want to make a good first impression.”

   Emily rolled her eyes. “You’ve made a first impression already and he is leaving his wife for you, Boss. Short of acting like you did with Chelsea, I think you’ll be fine.” She took a breath and gave in. “You should definitely cook. If dinner gets ‘delayed,’ then you want something that will be good reheated. Ordered in food won’t be. No TV, but yes to music. It fills any awkward silences, but doesn’t distract the eyes from each other.”

   Castiel was rather impressed. “That’s all great advice.”

   “Yeah, well, I went through it all when I had Charlie over for the first time.”

   “Oh, right! You told me how well it went, but I didn’t know about the prep beforehand.” Seeing her redden a bit, he tilted his head. “What? What was that?”

   “Well, I didn’t mention this because I knew you would laugh, but I wasn’t as prepared as I wanted to be. She showed up while I was in the shower. I had to answer the door in a towel. That kinda set things on a pretty good path.” She was actually hiding her face over just admitting it.

   She knew him well because Castiel did start laughing. “I guess that would. Hmm. Do you think I should give that a shot?”

   Recovering, she said, “Hey, it worked out well for me.”

   “You’re shameful,” he joked, giving her a playful shove. “I think I’ll wear clothes. I don’t want to seem so easy.”

   “Uh! Hey!”

   “Obviously not that you’re easy!” He had to defend himself from her smack while still laughing. “In all honesty, I couldn’t be happier for you that you have found someone that fits so well. It’s a weirdly good match and I mean that as a compliment. It’s nice. You’ve seemed happier lately, calmer enough, attack on Dean notwithstanding.”

   “Don’t jump the counter!” she said emphatically, but her face quickly softened. “Thanks. You know I can definitely say the same about you, attack _from_ Dean notwithstanding.”

   “It wasn’t an attack. He thought he was doing what was right.” Despite the pain and hell that time had been, it was easy to forgive now that Dean was making up for it. Every kiss, every soft touch, every time he used a pet name… it all pushed the bad times further into the past.  

   Dean showing up that morning to come kiss him senseless in his office like he did the day before definitely helped. The promise to do so every morning was even better. Cas loved his job, but knowing Dean had that in store for each day gave him one more reason to come into work.

   The subject of his thoughts appeared from the door across the lobby with his taller brother behind him and they were heading in the direction of his deli. Of course with Dean now parking on this side of the building, if they were going somewhere, they’d have to pass by. As it was, they ended up coming up to the counter. Sam stopped in front of Emily, but Dean came down to the empty spot on the counter where Castiel was leaning on his forearms.

   Dean took the same position so they could be eye-level, smiling as he chewed a piece of peppermint gum. “Excited about tomorrow?” he asked softly.

   The peppermint smell brought to mind a middle-school game of Spin The Bottle when none of them really knew what french kissing was. Their form of proof that it happened was for one of the pair to be chewing gum and the gum had to end up in the other person’s mouth. Castiel had never participated, but with Dean’s face so near his own, he wondered how unprofessional it would be to try it out.

   Seeing Cas’s eyes starting to darken as they dropped down to his lips got his own mind going. “Hmm. What are you thinking?”

   “I want to steal your gum,” Cas said, not caring that it sounded stupid.

   Dean didn’t mind at all. “Door.” When he stood up and started to go around Sam stopped him.

   “Dude, where are you going? We’re leaving in like thirty seconds.”

   “I’ll only be gone for thirty seconds.” Cas was standing right inside the door when he opened it. He let it close behind him as he grabbed his face and pressed their lips together. There was no preamble as their mouths opened and tongues wrestled together. They both started giggling through the kiss when they realized it was going to take some concentration to actually move the gum. Gum successfully transferred to Castiel’s mouth, Dean held up his hand in victory. “Yes! Mission complete!”

   Cas loved that Dean could make him feel like a grade-school kid again.. “Thanks for the gum,” he said with a grin as he started to chew.

   “Anytime! I gotta run, babe. Talk to you soon.” He gave him one more quick kiss and then headed out the door where Sam was waiting with a coffee in hand for him.

   “Seriously?” Sam asked. “I’m understanding, but you’re still married.”

   “Would you calm down? He wanted a piece of gum.”

   Sam stopped at the door and stared at Dean with a look of obvious disbelief. “I asked for a piece right before we came downstairs and you said that was your last one. I watched you throw away the packet.”

   “Huh. Weird.” Dean moved past, out the door, while Sam just rolled his eyes.

 

   Castiel decided baked chicken with buttered rice and mixed veggies would be a good dinner, assuming they would want to eat at some point. With the exception of the refrigerated items, everything that he would need for the next night was laid out on his kitchen counter. A list of steps with times for each was next to it all. He was being meticulous, but he didn’t care. Everything had to be perfect.

   In stark contrast to his kitchen preparations, he came to the conclusion that he didn’t need to impress Dean with his looks. The function of easy removal was what he wanted, so he laid out a pair of loose black shorts and, remembering Dean’s love of classic rock, he paired it with a blue Led Zeppelin t-shirt he’d found the day he bought his new button-ups. After Dean ended things he considered throwing it out, but couldn’t bring himself to waste a perfectly good shirt. Now, he was glad that he hadn’t.

   With everything picked out, including a _Rat Pack_ -esque playlist, Castiel finally laid down on his couch and tried to distract his mind with a sitcom. It ended up being a rerun and after flipping through a dozen channels he gave up and grabbed his phone.

   Castiel: _Can you talk?_  
   Dean: _Not for long, but what’s up?  
_    Castiel: _My cock._

   Not true, but if Dean played along he knew he’d get there quickly.

   Dean: _Damn it, babe! I really want to play with you, but I won’t have time to enjoy it._  
   Castiel: _You’re no fun._  
   Dean: _Less than 24 hours and I’m all yours. Can you wait?_  
   Castiel: _No. I’m gonna go jerk off. Goodnight, Dean._  
   Dean: _Do I get a video? ;)_  
   Castiel: _Goodnight, Dean.  
_    Dean:   _lol Alright. Goodnight, Cas._

 

   When Dean walked into the deli kitchen the next day, it was no longer a surprise for Emily. Castiel had told her to expect him.

   “Morning, Em.”

   “Hey, Dean. You want a coffee or anything?”

   “Nope. I got something better than coffee,” he said with a grin as he slipped into Castiel’s office and shut the door.

   Rolling her eyes, she muttered, “So gross in the most adorable way,” as she finished wiping down the back counters.

   Castiel was sitting at his desk, staring blankly at his computer screen when Dean walked in, closing the office door behind him. It was a welcome diversion as he wasn’t getting anything done. “I am so glad to see you.”

   “I like hearing that,” Dean said as he bent over to kiss Castiel. They were getting better about not kissing to the point of arousal. Previously, it had been awkward when they parted ways, especially so for Cas in his slacks. “You ready for tonight?” he asked, sitting up on the corner of the desk. One foot went around Cas’s chair and pulled him over in front of him.

   “I’m over prepared. I’ve done like a dozen different checklists trying to be ready. Are you nervous at all?”  

   “Excited, antsy, not really nervous. It seems like you are though. Why?” Dean was really concerned. He didn’t want to push if Cas wasn’t ready.

   “I don’t know. I want everything to be right. I’m cooking for you, too.”

   “Well, that’s sweet. Nothing to be nervous about. I’m sure I’ll love it. Food in general really is a great way to win me over. Pie especially.” He sighed wistfully. “I do love some cherry pie.”

   Castiel’s nose wrinkled. “Is that some weird pussy reference?”

   Dean burst out laughing and half-kicked at Cas’s leg. “No, you dick. I actually mean pie.”

   Grinning, he replied, “Well, I don’t have any pie so I guess I’ll have to get you into bed some other way. I’m pretty inventive. I’m sure I can come up with something.”

   Dean nodded, but grew serious for a moment. “Baby, I want you to know there is no rush. Okay? I don’t want to do something you’re not ready for. We don’t have to jump right into bed.”

   Something about that did ease a bit of the anxiety Castiel was experiencing though he didn’t know why. The one thing he was for sure about was finally getting to have Dean under him in his bed. “What if I want to jump right into bed?”

   “I hope you aren’t expecting me to say no because I plan to be at your mercy tonight.”

   “Oh, I do like the sound of that,” Cas said as he sat up, placing his palms on the inside of Dean’s knee. He slid his hands up as far as he could, fingers lightly brushing over the bulge between them before sliding back down. “What could I do to you?”

   Dean grabbed his hands and pulled Cas up out of his seat and into his arms. “Fucking tease,” he chided, leaning in to give Castiel a kiss to think about for the rest of the day. It quickly heated up and began to grow needy, each began to pull at the clothes of the other, hands sliding underneath shirts.

   Cas finally gained his senses and jerked back, panting for air. As he and Dean just stared at each other, hungry for more, he finally chuckled once he got his breath back. “Damn it! So much for not getting turned on in the office anymore.”

   Dean grinned and nodded. “I’d say sorry, but I’m just not. I want to pick up there when I get to your place.”

   Trying to return to sane thinking, he asked, “What time do you think you’ll be over?”

   “Probably six-thirty. No later than seven. Is that okay?”

   “Yeah.” Cas sank back into his seat. “I really missed getting to have time with you. I am excited. I just want everything to be perfect for you.”

   “Be there and it’s perfect.” He leaned over and kissed Cas’s head. “I’m gonna run. I’ll see you soon though. Okay?”

   “Okay.” Cas watched Dean leave, far more able to disguise his discomfort in the jeans. “I need to start wearing jeans,” he grumbled before going back to his work.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay in posting! I am mostly better now though (yay for medicine) and to put us back on track I have a really long piece split into two chapters. I did a quick read through and rewrite, but I apologize in advance if there is weird grammar or typos I missed. I wanted to get this out to you today though since you all have been so sweet and patient!  
> Thank you and {hugs} to all of you!

   Dean stared at the plethora of bouquets, trying to decide if he should bring Cas flowers. He had decided he was going to which was the whole reason he was looking at them now, but he was having second thoughts. _Maybe this is too girly. What do you bring a guy?_

   Being with Cas had never felt weird, but as he was looking at the flowers, he realized he’d never had a real relationship with another man before. There were a few guys in his past that he had seen on a regular basis, but it had been his early years and he was just screwing around then. This was serious and he wanted Cas to know that he was making an effort.

    _Okay. What would I want someone to bring me? Beer and pie. He’s cooking so I shouldn’t bring pie. I’ll bring beer._ He stayed staring at the bouquets. _Fine. Beer and flowers. They’ll cancel out the stupid of each other._

 

   The food smelled delicious as Castiel put everything in the warmer for whenever he and Dean would be ready to eat. It was only a quarter after six, but he was getting anxious. It could still be another forty-five minutes before Dean arrived. To kill time, he paced for a bit and then sat. Turned the TV on for two minutes and then back off. Drank a glass of wine. That, at least, started to calm him down. He had just poured a second glass when he heard the knock. He took a deep breath to steady himself and then headed to the door. Through the peephole he saw...nothing. It was black. Nervously, he opened the door to find Dean standing there with a bouquet of flowers covering the peephole, an overnight bag on his shoulder, and a six-pack.

   “Didn’t want to ruin the surprise,” he said, holding the flowers out.

   “Never took you for a flowers kind of guy” he said with a smile. Taking the bouquet in one hand and the front of Dean’s shirt in the other, he pulled him in for a quick kiss.

   “I debated a lot. I brought beer in case the flowers were too girly.”

   Castiel was surprised to see Dean actually looking a little nervous. “I love the flowers, but the beer is good, too. I also have wine if you’re into that. Come on. I’ll put these in water.” Cas headed back to the kitchen to find a vase he knew he had in one of the cabinets.

   Dean came in and closed the door. Seeing Cas’s own shoes by the door, he toed his off next to them and sat his bag there, as well. Getting here had been exactly what he wanted. He was the one who had set it up so he didn’t understand why he was suddenly feeling so timid. Directly out of the foyer was the living room. Kitchen was to the left with the dining table next to it. Past that was a hall with a few doors. He wondered which led to where he would be staying tonight. The food smelled nice and he could hear Frank Sinatra singing “Fly Me To The Moon” softly from a speaker in the living room. “Ol’ Blue Eyes! I remember you mentioning you liked old school music, but that wasn’t what I imagined.”

   “Not just old school, but that style. There are a lot of present day singers who still have that pure sound. Michael Bublé is pretty famous for it,” Cas said as added water to the vase he found. “How about you set the beer in the fridge?”

   “Yeah, okay.” He walked into the kitchen, noticing how immaculate everything looked. “Keep your house like you keep the deli, huh?”

   “I’ve never thought about it like that, but I guess I could probably pass a health inspection if I needed to,” he chuckled, setting the vase on the dining table. He met Dean at the entryway to the kitchen, running a hand down his arm, happy to be able to touch him. “I’ve been so nervous all damn day, but now that you’re here, I’m starting to feel better. You seem off though. Is something wrong? Not what you expected?”

   It was hard finding the right words to explain how he felt. “I’ve been thinking about this wrong for a while. Like, you know I care about you, right?”

   Castiel’s guard immediately went up and he took a step back without even realizing it. “I thought I did.”

   Dean matched his step and grabbed his hand. “No, it’s not like that. You have to listen. I’ve been talking about how this is real and we’re together, but I haven’t been realizing it.”

   Castiel’s mind was working faster than Dean’s words and he began to tear up. “Dean, please don’t do this.”

   It was frustrating to him that he wasn’t making Cas understand and causing him to panic instead. “I didn’t realize it, but I do now and I’ve never dated a guy. I’ve been with men, but never in a serious relationship. You are the world to me right now, Cas, and I don’t know how to date you. So, yeah, I seem off now because I don’t know what to do. I fucking brought you beer and flowers for Christ’s sake! I’m off because I don’t know if there’s some kind of etiquette that I don’t know about that I should be following. I mean, you cooked for me. That’s so nice! What am I supposed to do for you? How do I show you that you’re important to me?”

   “You’re not leaving me?” Cas asked, uselessly trying to hide the emotion in his voice.

   “Fuck, no!” He stepped closer so he could wipe the tears that had escaped Cas’s eyes and were rolling down his cheeks. Looking into the beautiful deep blue of his eyes, he was able to say what he really meant. “I’m worried about fucking something up. Tell me what I’m supposed to do.”

   Relieved, Castiel gripped Dean’s wrists and breathed out, “Just be with me.”

   It was the one thing Dean knew he could do. He pressed Cas back against the side the side of the kitchen cabinets as their mouth met, tongues entwining. Dean wanted to put every ounce of his feeling for Cas into the kiss, into his touches.

   Happy that this was a Dean he knew what to do with, Castiel worked quickly between them to get the buttons of Dean’s shirt undone. After the last button, he flicked the sides open and set his hands to Dean’s waist, pulling him closer.

   Cas’s hands were simply kneading at Dean’s sides, but it felt like a pleasurable fire was lighting his skin under the touch. He wanted to do the same, scrambling to find the bottom of Castiel’s shirt. Gripping the hem, he tugged up, forcing Cas to give up his hold, as well as the kiss. When he tried to take the kiss back, Dean ducked away. “Just let me look at you a minute. You’re so fucking beautiful.”

   Accepting, Cas leaned back and let Dean run his hands up over his shoulders, down his arms, across his chest. His touch would turn from feathery light to firm and pressing as he moved from one spot to another. Dean’s eyes followed his hands, but Castiel watched his face. Saw the soft turn of his lips, how his eyes widened over certain areas, the ways his lips parted as his fingers skimmed over Cas’s hip bones. That was the last he could bear. He’d let his own hands idly slide along the waistband of the jeans Dean had on. Tired of waiting, he gripped the band and pulled gently. “Dean, I need more.”

   He slid a hand back up to Cas’s face, tipping it for a kiss, just a quick one, because Dean had something else he wanted. He’d never been so sure of it. “Do it.”

   Confused, Castiel looked up and nearly whined, “Do what?” The second Dean tilted his head, the confusion was gone. He was taken over by a primal instinct intent on claiming what was offered. His lips were quickly over that sweet spot Dean had exposed for him. He knew he was being far too aggressive with his sucking and getting carried away with his biting, but he wouldn’t let up. The possessive demon inside him was not going to stop until Dean was clearly marked.

   Dean clung tightly to Cas, grunting every time he felt teeth in his skin. Feeling himself being owned like this was so much better than the night in the alley. He was giving himself completely over to Cas. His cock was hard in his jeans as he pressed it against Cas’s firm thigh. He could feel the other man’s erection rubbing against him. Judging from the way the material tented, Dean had to believe Cas had nothing on under those shorts.

   Finally able to reel himself in, Castiel eased back to look at the large spot of discoloration he’d left on Dean’s neck. It was positively the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. Gripping Dean’s open shirt at his shoulders, he held him tight against him, pressing their stubbled cheeks together as he growled into Dean’s ear, “Mine.” Cas was practically shaking with the energy that one word provided him.

   “Always,” Dean breathed back.

   Castiel was no longer interested in anything other than having Dean in bed. He pushed him back, but grabbed his hand, towing him down the hall to the first doorway on the left, his bedroom. In the room, he quickly spun and pulled Dean against him. He wanted him badly, but needed to be sure. “Dean, tell me. Is this still what you want?”

   “Yes, Cas! I need you!” His fingers gripping tight into Cas’s muscled arm was proof of that.

   Turning him, Cas walked Dean backwards to his neatly made bed, kissing him all the way. As soon as the back of Dean’s legs hit the end of the bed, Cas pushed him to sit. He finally felt calm again, in control of himself, as he looked down into the green eyes below, eyes that were patiently pleading. Dean was his. He reached out slid the open shirt off Dean, tossing it to the side. “Lay back.”

   Dean’s tongue wet his lips as he did as he was told, lying back onto the plush royal blue bedspread. He watched as Cas reached forward, undoing the button and lowering the zipper of his jeans.

   Castiel leaned over and kissed the taut skin above Dean’s belly button as his hands gripped the sides of the jeans. When he leaned back up, he pulled the denim down, appreciating Dean raising his ass from the bed to make it easier. He knelt down and pulled the jeans the rest of the way off, removing Dean’s socks, as well. He’d left the maroon boxers with the obvious tent.

   He put his hands to Dean’s legs and slid them slowly up and around to his hips. He brought his face down and let the erection rub against his face before he mouthed at the side of it through the material. Leaning back up, he said, “You had me mesmerized when I saw you at the counter the first time. Did you know I wanted you then?”

   Dean nodded. He had known. Cas’s blush had been too obvious.

   “Scoot back.” Once Dean was fully up on the bed, his head on a pillow, Castiel straddled his waist. He put a hand over the tattoo on Dean’s chest. “Did you know that the day I got to see this, got to touch you, I came home and jerked off to a fantasy of fucking you over the arm of the couch in your office?”

   Dean smiled. “No. I didn’t know. I got off to thoughts of you a lot.”

   “Yeah? When?”

   “Pretty much anytime I was in the shower.” He decided to come clean about the one thing he hadn’t admitted. “I never told you how Lisa’s rib got broke, did I?”

   Confused by the question, he said, “No. Is that pertinent?”

   “I was fucking her bent over the kitchen table, but I was imagining being with you, taking you. I got a little carried away, got rough. Pushed her too hard into the table.” The look on Cas’s face was not a good one. He looked upset and concerned. Dean realized he probably shouldn’t have brought up his wife when he was in bed with his boyfriend. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have mentioned her.”

   Bringing up Lisa’s rib had been odd, but considering what they were talking about, it did make sense. What bothered Castiel was Dean talking about being the one doing the fucking. If it was something he fantasized about, then it seemed likely he’d want to top eventually. Cas shook off the thought. It was something he’d have to work on, but he knew he was probably safe for tonight. “It’s fine.” He shifted down Dean’s body, sitting on his legs, and went back to mouthing at the flimsy material of the boxers. “Did you ever think about me sucking you off?”

   “So many times. No fantasy came close to the real thing.” He was having to fight to keep from moving. “Are you going to tease me all night?”

   “What would you rather me be doing?”

   Dean grew whiney. “Cas, you promised you would fuck me!”

   “Do you think I won’t? We can still have other fun first.” Giving in a bit, Castiel lowered Dean’s boxers enough to free his hard cock and took it in his hand, stroking softly, remembering the feel. Like everything else about Dean, Cas considered it perfect. He was excited to show the full extent of his skills now that he wasn’t hindered by the confines of a backseat. To start though, he treated Dean like his own personal lollipop. Long licks up and back down the length, savoring the drip of precum that pooled at the tip. He wanted to learn every line, memorize it. When he finally took the head in his mouth, Dean’s sigh of appreciation had him eager to continue to please.  

   He worked his magic, turning his head, swirling his tongue, stroking with a hand in time. He glanced up and saw Dean, head propped on the pillows, watching with lust-glazed eyes and biting his lower lip. Cas knew it was time to show what he could do. He shifted up so he could be directly over Dean’s cock. With skill, he sunk down, letting it slide down his throat until his nose met Dean’s body.

   “Fuck! Cas!” Dean had been content to keep his hands to himself while Cas was going down on him, but he couldn’t stop himself from grabbing handfuls of his hair and holding him in place. It felt like his very life source was being squeezed from him by a warm, wet vice. He let go as soon as he felt Cas move so he could come back up for air. “Shit! I didn’t know you could do that!”

   Cas grinned with pride. “I would have in the car, but couldn’t get the right angle. You like?”

   “You know damn well I like! Can you do it again?”

   Ever happy to please, Castiel did, enjoying the sounds it brought from Dean. This time when he slid back up, he completely climbed off Dean so he could pull the boxers the rest of the way off. He then stood and slipped his own shorts off.

   As Dean had suspected, there was nothing underneath. The sight of Cas’s cock standing at attention had his mouth watering. He didn’t have the same skill as Cas though and had to admit it. “I...I can’t do what you did.”

   “It’s okay. I didn’t ask you to. If you want to learn in the future, we can try, but only if it’s what you want. You are still very good with that perfect mouth of yours.”

   Dean moved up to his knees, scooting over to the edge of the bed and pulling Cas to him. “I’ll learn, but I’m glad you appreciate my abilities. I got you off, didn’t I?” He placed kisses along Cas’s jawline.

   “Mmm...yes, you did.” He had expected Dean to stay where he was, but having him at the edge of the bed like this was nice, too. His hands reached around Dean’s waist and slid over that toned ass he was going to have. Feeling him begin to suck on his neck, Cas let his eyes close and relished the feeling, rocking his hips slightly to rub their cocks together. When Dean took his mouth from his neck, it left warm tingles, and he felt the soft touch of fingers over the spot. Castiel knew Dean had left a mark on him, as well. They truly belonged to each other.

   Dean admired the hickey he left. It was smaller than the one Cas had left on him, but it was still beautiful to see his claim upon the sensitive skin. “No one else better even think about touching you. I’d fucking destroy them.”

   Cas smiled, pleased with Dean’s possessive remark. A finger on his cheek turned his head and Dean took his lips. The kiss was so full of claiming and desire and he felt it course through him. It was so intense that he didn’t want to wait anymore. As much as he was looking forward to having Dean’s gorgeous, pouty lips around his cock, he needed to take him. He jerked his head away and bit at Dean’s jaw. “I fucking need you.” His words came out sounding pained.

   “Thank god!” Without being told, Dean quickly moved to all fours, facing the headboard. Remembering, he looked back nervously. “Um, it’s been a while.”

   Cas opened the nightstand drawer for the lube. “Don’t worry. I’ll go slow. I’m not gonna hurt you, Dean. I…” He caught himself before the rest of the sentence slipped out. It seemed like the most normal thing to say, but he didn’t want to risk it if Dean wasn’t ready. “I’ll be gentle.” He was able to cover the slip up by holding up a condom. He always practiced safe sex, but in his fantasies of Dean, it never happened. It wasn’t something he particularly wanted, but he didn’t know how Dean felt. Whatever he wanted Cas would do to make him comfortable. “Should I?” His quizzical look betrayed no bias either way.

   Dean considered the blue package in Cas’s hand. “I trust you. Say you’re clean and I’ll believe you. I’m clean, too.”

   “I’m clean.” He dropped it back in the nightstand and Dean gave a sigh of relief, letting his head fall to the pillow.

   “Good! I really didn’t want anything between us.”

   Cas grinned as he climbed up behind Dean. “Me, neither.”


	28. Chapter 28

   This was the view Castiel had been dreaming about. Dean’s round ass, expanse of muscled back and shoulders all the way to that gorgeous head of hair. It was all his for the taking. Dropping the lube at the end of the bed, his hands ran up Dean’s sides as he leaned over him. He started as high up as he could reach, alternating kisses and bites as he created a trail down Dean’s back all the way to the crack of his ass. Spreading the cheeks, he flattened his tongue and licked across the puckered hole.

   Dean moaned, not because it was some magical feeling, but because it was finally happening. It had been so long since anyone other than himself had paid any kind of sexual attention to his ass. Knowing it was Cas, _his_ Cas, made it even better. As he felt the tongue lapping over him, he lowered his head to the bed, content to get lost in the pleasure that was welling in him. When Cas’s tongue pushed in, his breathing picked up as he knew what would be happening soon.

   Castiel was torn because he wanted to delight Dean in every way possible, but his need to be inside him was driving hard. He tried to remind himself that there would be plenty of opportunity in the future to really wind Dean up. Sitting back and giving his own cock a couple strokes, he grabbed the lube. He flipped the cap and looked up to Dean though he couldn’t see his due to how he was turned. “You’re sure?”

   “Cas, if you don’t fuck me right now, I’m gonna - ah! That’s fucking cold!”

   The beginning of the threat was good enough so Cas dripped the lube between Dean’s ass cheeks. He caught it with his index finger as it started to drip down and pushed it back up to his hole, careful to only push along the rim. He was careful to pay attention to how Dean’s body felt and any sounds he made. So far, he was still relaxed. As for noises, once he started getting whiny again, Cas let the finger push in. He continued slowly until it was fully inserted.

   The finger was only slightly uncomfortable, but Dean knew it was going to get worse. He tried to keep himself relaxed. He wanted to quickly get through the upcoming pain because he needed Cas inside him. “More,” he gritted out against the pillow.

   “Calm down. One thing at a time.” He began to pump the finger in and out. With his free hand, he reached underneath Dean and began to stroke his cock, as well.

   Groaning in frustration, Dean fisted his hand in the blanket. “Cas, come on! Too slow!” he whined. 

   Shaking his head, Castiel picked up the lube. “Needier than I expected,” he mused. As he continued to push the one finger in and out, he added more lube and slipped a second finger in with it. It was then that he could feel how truly tight Dean was.

   The slight pain was a welcome change of pace. Dean wanted to feel it, to know Cas was getting closer to fucking him. He gritted through it and started rocking his hips, forcing the pace, moaning as pleasure started to peek through the haze of discomfort.

    _So much for going slow_ , Cas thought with a grin as he kept his fingers working. Between Dean’s eager desire and the feel of his incredibly tight ass, Castiel was having trouble controlling himself. He had precum leaking so badly that he’d made a wet spot on the bed. Rather than wait for Dean to beg again, he once again added a bit more lube and forced a third finger in along the first two.

   Dean had been so focused on getting closer to the pleasure point that the new pain was a surprise. “Fuck!” Instinct made him lunge forward, but he quickly caught himself and held still.

   Castiel had a hand on his back in worry. “Dean, are you okay?”

   Panting for breath, he nodded slightly, but realized Cas probably couldn’t see it. “Yeah. I’m good. I just really want your cock. I know it’s going to hurt, but it gets so much better. Please, Cas. Please fuck me now,” he begged.

   Glad that he was okay, Castiel had no intention of doing as he asked. “Soon. Just get used to this.” He pulled his fingers out and pushed back in, hearing Dean’s hiss. “Yeah, when you don’t make that sound anymore, I’ll consider fucking you.”

   “I thought you couldn’t say no to me,” Dean grunted as Cas’s fingers began to move again.

   “I said I would have a hard time saying no. I don’t like telling you no, Dean. I would love to be deep in this tight little ass right now.” He leaned down and bit one of the cheeks. “You’re whining and begging has me so fucking hard, but I’m not gonna purposely hurt you. Not when I can make you enjoy it instead.”

   Pushing his face back in the pillow, Dean pouted, but willed his body to relax and accept the fingers. Feeling Cas once again start stroking him helped ease the discomfort and within a few minutes, he was moaning in earnest.

   “Do you want me to stop?” Castiel asked with a dirty grin.

   “Hell no!”

   “Hmm… Well, then how am I supposed to get my dick in you?”

   “Cas, please! Don’t mess with me! I need you!”

   Content that Dean was ready, Castiel removed his slicked up fingers to give his cock the same treatment. He was shivering with excitement as he readied himself. After dripping more lube across Dean’s hole, Castiel positioned at the entrance and slowly began to push forward. Even with all the loosening up he’d done, he still found it hard to work past that opening muscle. With firm pressure, he was finally in, just the head, and he stopped. He knew it was going to be a new level of pain for Dean though he hadn’t made a sound. When he shifted forward though, he caught the whimper that the other man had tried to bite back.

   Castiel let a hand run softly over Dean’s back. He kept up the relaxing movement as bit by bit he continued forward until he was halfway in. He brought his other hand up to join the first, adding some firm pressure. “Dean, are you okay?”

   Dean was focusing on breathing. Thanks to how turned on Cas had gotten him, it didn’t hurt as bad as it could have. He knew that, but it still felt like he was getting fucked with a red-hot metal bat. The searing pain extended every time Cas had pressed forward. With him stopped, the pain was dulling. “Yes. Are you in?”

   “Halfway. Do you want me to stop?”

   “I’m not breakable, Cas.”

   “So you say. I could shove this in you and prove you wrong.” Instead, he pulled back, leaving only the head in and then slid back to the halfway point. He repeated the step a few more times before pushing forward more.

   “Keep going,” Dean pleaded.

   Castiel again pulled back only to push more of his cock inside Dean when he thrust in again. Within a few thrusts, he was able to slide completely in and had set up a pretty decent pace. It felt unbelievable. “God, you’re so fucking tight, Dean.”

   Knowing how much Cas was enjoying him was an incredible balm to the pain and it brought a smile to Dean’s face. “Yeah? You like it?” he managed to ask.

   “Yeah, I do. I like you giving up your ass to me.” Castiel sped up, fucking Dean harder.

   The pleasure was finally taking over and it was almost overwhelming. Cas’s cock felt huge inside him and with the pain gone, he could barely focus. All he wanted was for this to never end. “Fuck me, Cas! Please don’t stop!”

   The words egged Castiel on, as he leaned forward, grabbing Dean under his arms. “Come here.”

   He moved to his knees, leaning back against Cas’s chest. The new angle was amazing and he began to rock his hips wantonly, driving the large cock deeper into him. “Oh, fuck!”

   Castiel smiled and let him move about as he wrapped his arms around him, hands running across his smooth chest. He licked over the too-large mark he’d left on Dean’s neck, making him jerk involuntarily. “Dean, Dean, Dean,” he murmured at his ear. “You really did need this, didn’t you, baby?”

   “God, yes!” he gasped as he continued to squirm.

   Cas reached around and wrapped a hand around Dean’s cock and began to stroke. “You needed my cock to fill you up, make you whole again. No one else is ever going to be able to do that for you.”

   “Don’t want...anyone...else.” Dean was panting, barely able to make out his words. He wasn’t even moving well, trying to undulate between the cock in his ass and the hand gripping him.

   Castiel helped and began to move for him, rocking his own hips so Dean was getting more friction inside. “It’s good you don’t.” He could feel Dean start to tense up as his orgasm approached and he stroked him faster.

   “Oh, god, Cas! Gonna cum!”

   “Because you’re mine now.” He placed a hard kiss to the bruise on Dean’s neck.

   It was his undoing. Dean couldn’t have held back if he wanted to. He was on edge from the perfect fucking and the world’s best handjob. The pressing of Castiel’s mark was like a button for his orgasm and he came hard, Cas’s name on his lips. It felt like his entire soul was being spilled out onto the blanket in front of him.

   Castiel held onto him, continued to milk his cock until it was completely spent. “So good for me, Dean,” he whispered. With Dean taken care of, he was finally able to use him as he wanted. He completely pulled out and the noise of complaint from Dean was obscene. It made Cas chuckle. “Just slide over so you can lay back down without having to be in cum.”

   Dean didn’t want Cas to stop until he came, but the man did have a fair point. He scooted over to his right and was able to fall down onto the soft, dry side, ass up for Cas.

   Not wasting a second, Castiel slipped back in with ease and started a hard and rapid thrusting that he knew would leave Dean sore. The thought brought him sadistic glee as he imagined Dean walking gingerly tomorrow, only the two of them knowing why. Seeing the happy, sated smile on Dean’s face pressed into the bed, was what did it for him though. He made Dean happy. _My Dean._ He continued to thrust as he came, filling Dean’s ass with pulse after pulse of cum. It surprised him how long his orgasm lasted. His movement slowed and he felt the last shockwave die down. As he pulled out, he squeezed up his cock, making sure every last bit of his cum was left in Dean. As the head popped out, a little trickle of white slid out and down to Dean’s sack.

   Cas smacked his ass lightly. “Damn, you’re the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

   “And don’t you forget it,” Dean answered with a grin as he rolled to his side, making space at the edge of the bed for Cas to join him.

   The two lay together, arms and legs around each other, blissfully enjoying the feel of being skin to skin and comfortable. After long silent moments, Dean finally sat up on his elbow to gaze down at Cas.

   “So, you cooked?”

   Castiel started chuckling as he rolled off the bed. “Yes, sexy ass. Come on.” He pulled on his shorts and offered a pair to Dean to put on.

 

   As Castiel busied himself in the kitchen, Dean took the time to walk around the apartment, looking at the artwork and family photos, asking questions when he had them. He was looking at a photo in the foyer, five young boys, one of them obviously Castiel. “Who’s in this one?” he asked.

   “Me and my cousins. I was eight then. We used to all be real close as kids. We’d raise hell, but we grew up and life took us separate ways. We still keep in contact on Facebook and see each other during the holidays.” Cas set the plated food on the table. “You ready?”

   An empty nail caught Dean’s attention. “Something’s missing.” He left the foyer to join Cas at the table. “There’s a nail with nothing on it.”

   Castiel’s cheeks pinkened, but he ignored it and took a bite or broccoli. “Hmm...weird. I don’t know,” he said, mouth full.

   Seeing the reaction, Dean was not so easily deterred. “What was it? Something you didn’t want me to see so you took it down?”

   Shaking his head, he said, “No, it was just this fish I hated. I got rid of it.”

   Something about that sounded familiar. “Wait a second. Does this have something to do with that Chelsea chick from the bowling alley?”

   Castiel almost choked on his next bite. “How do you know about that?”

   “I asked Sam what you and Emily were laughing about that one day and he said some girl named Chelsea stole a fish from your wall. So, it was the same Chelsea? Why was she here? You said you were only into dick.” Dean had been aggravated at the time, but having just been well-sated and now getting fed, he was willing to hear Castiel out. He took a bite of the chicken. “Oh my god! This is amazing!”

   “Thanks.” Since Dean was calm, he decided to come clean. “You’re gonna laugh when I tell you this, but you need to understand how upset I was. I was depressed because I had lost you.I was talking to Emily about how things were going with her and Charlie.”

   “I haven’t talked to Charlie in a while. Is that good between them?”

   “It is. It’s new for Emily, but she really likes Charlie. Things are good there. After hearing that things were going well and realizing that for the second time in less than a year, I had been dumped for a woman, I…”

   “Whoa! What?” Dean interrupted. “The second time?”

   “Yeah. My last boyfriend did the same thing. I actually swore I’d never date another bi guy because of it. Of course, I also swore I’d never date someone from the office. Then you showed up and every rule I had went out the window.”

   Dean smiled, too proud of that fact, but he quickly got himself back in check. “I didn’t know about what happened before, Cas. I’m really sorry.”

   “It’s okay. Things are better. The second guy who dumped me came crawling back and begged me to fuck him so things are good now.” Dean didn’t debate his words, only grinning as he took another bite so Cas continued his story. “Anyway, since I had twice been left for a woman and Emily seemed to find women enticing, as well, I thought perhaps there’s something there that I should try. Everyone else seemed to like it. I ended up running into Chelsea at Fishbone and decided I’d finally see what all the fuss was about. I invited her back here.” He paused to take another bite of his veggies.

   “I’m being pretty cool about this, but I can’t say I’m gonna stay that way if you slept with her,” Dean cautioned.

   “It was my intention. As it turns out, I’m still incredibly gay. Nothing was happening and the whole thing was just freaking me out. I told her I was gay and she got mad and stole the fish I had on the wall. Haven’t seen her or the fish since.”

   Dean’s smile was back. “Oh, well. Such a shame.”

   “Yeah, I can tell how upset you are,” Castiel teased.

   Companionable chatter followed for the rest of the evening as they finished dinner and drank beer on the couch. As the hour grew later, words fell way to kisses and romantic caresses. Castiel ended up having Dean for a second-time right there on the couch.

   Afterwards, they’d lazily made their way back to the bedroom. The cum soaked comforter was tossed aside and Castiel pulled his gray one from the closet. He wanted to make sure they would be warm enough. As he slid in, he spooned Dean, holding him tight. “I’m never going to get enough of you,” he sighed contentedly.

   “Good,” Dean grinned.

   Eventually the two drifted off to sleep.

 

   Dean was warm. Warmer than usual. As his eyes slanted open, he saw the handsome sleeping face next to him. He grinned as everything came rushing back. _I’m at Cas’s._ He glanced around. _I really like it here. I don’t want to go home._ As his eyes came back to the dark-haired man, he had a more certain thought. _You are my home._

   As Castiel stirred and began to stretch, he bumped the man next to him. His eyes flew open to see dark green eyes staring back at him. “Were you watching me sleep, you creeper?” he mumbled as he tried to hide his face with his hands.

   Dean pulled his hands away and gave him a lingering good morning kiss. “Yep. You’re beautiful in the morning. Don’t hide.” He laid back on his side and the two men stared at each other, happy to be together.

   “I really like waking up next to you,” Castiel said softly.

   “Me, too.” He searched Cas’s face, wondering if he could really say what he wanted.

   “What is it?”

   Finding surety, he said, “I married the wrong person.”

   When he didn’t say anything else, Cas nodded. “Right. That’s why you’re getting divorced.”

   Dean nodded, as well. “Yeah, but that sucks. I hate myself for it. I should never have done that. I should have just waited until I found you. I would have known you were the right one.” He took one of Cas’s hands in his and brought it to his lips for a kiss.

   If Castiel didn’t know better, he’d think Dean was proposing. Since that would be a really shitty thing to do when still married, he didn’t think that was what was actually happening. It left him unsure of how to respond. “I don’t know what to say.”

   “It’s okay. I know what to say." He leaned up on his elbow. "I’m so in love with you, Castiel.”

   Castiel’s eyes went wide. “You’ve never once called me by my name.”

   Dean dropped his head to Cas’s shoulder and chuckled. “Is that really the thing you’re gonna focus on?”

   “No! Sorry!” He pulled Dean’s head back up so he could look at him. “It was just really shocking, but I love you, too.”

   “Thank god!” Dean almost crushed Cas in his hug. He was just so relieved. He leaned back and kissed him again. “It’s fast, but I’ve never felt like this with anyone. Just you. You are all I want. You are all I need. Okay?”

   “I know what you mean. I’m not going anywhere, Dean. I’m always going to be here for you.”

 

   The morning had went from romantic to hot quickly, but since they were supposed to go to work, they opted for shower fun to kill two birds with one stone.

   Castiel debated on changing his mind and saying they should follow through with Dean’s original plan of staying home the whole day. After the shower, when Dean finally turned his phone on though, the number of notifications caused him to change his mind.

   “I’m surprised. She only left three voicemails after calling eight times. Thirteen text messages though. Those should be fun. I’ll check them later.”

   Leaving the apartment, their safe haven away from the rest of the world, was hard. Standing outside at their cars, they held each other in a hug that neither wanted to end.

   “Geez! I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to let go of you. We’re going to the same damn place,” Cas said, squeezing tighter.

   “I know. How about I stop by on my way home and see you first? It would make me happier. What about you?” Dean asked.

   Leaning back from the hug, Cas agreed. “Yeah. I’d like that. That helps.” They kissed again and got in their respective cars, happy knowing they’d get to have each other for a little bit that evening.


	29. Chapter 29

   Dean had walked Cas to the deli, stepping inside long enough to kiss him and tell him to have a good day. After that, he went upstairs to face whatever Sam might have to say and he knew his brother would definitely have words for him. He had barely stepped through the office doorway before it started.

   “I don’t care where you were. I don’t care what you did, but for the love of god, call Lisa! She has been at me nonstop and the whole ‘not my brother’s keeper’ thing doesn’t seem to matter to her. I swear, Dean. I had one request. Be honest with her. What the hell?”

   Passing up his desk for the couch, he plopped down and pulled his phone out. “I was honest. I told her I wasn’t going to be home last night, my phone would be off, and that I’d see her after work today.” He finally opened up the text messages which had been sent over a time period from seven the previous night to midnight and then one from six this morning.

   Lisa:  _What? What do you mean?_  
   Lisa:  _Where are you going to be?_  
   Lisa:  _Dean, you can’t just run off and not tell me anything._  
   Lisa:  _Answer your phone._  
   Lisa:  _You want me to trust you and then you go and pull shit like this._  
   Lisa:  _Guess I was right not to._  
   Lisa:  _Are you with him?_  
   Lisa:  _Why, Dean? Why am I not good enough for you?_  
   Lisa:  _I am your wife. I deserve to be treated better._  
   Lisa:  _Come home and we can fix this._  
   Lisa: _Dean, please come home._  
   Lisa:  _Fuck you.  
_    Lisa:  _Are you okay?_

   Dean sighed. “She sent a ton of messages. I’m not even gonna mess with the voicemails since I’m sure it’s just her either yelling or crying. I don’t want to deal with either.”

   “Where did you go?” Sam finally asked. “Did you go to Castiel’s?”

   “I thought you didn’t care where I went or what I did.”

   Taking that as a yes, Sam asked, “Don’t you think you should have ended things with her first?”

   “The papers aren’t going to be ready until tomorrow and no, I didn’t feel like waiting to be with Cas. It was mostly selfish, but I also know that Lisa wouldn’t have signed the papers before. She would try to find some way to make it work. She’s either an eternal optimist or delusional. At least now, she might actually sign them.” Dean typed out a response and sent it to Lisa. 

   Dean:  _I’m fine. I told you my phone was going to be off. Thanks for the fucking novel when I turned my phone back on. I’ll see you after work._

   “I really just don’t care anymore and I know I’m going to get a lot of shit from everyone about it, but if I have any more days that end like yesterday and start like today then it’s worth it.” He glanced up to see Sam watching him with concern. “Everything is fine. This will all be worked out soon enough.” Dean left the couch to go to his desk. “Send me a list of updates for today and I’ll get those out first.”

 

   “Judging by the fact that you both walked in looking like teenagers after a first date, I’m guessing things went well?” Emily asked when Castiel was finally able to join her at the front counter.

   “Understatement of the century,” he answered, unable to stop smiling. “He called me Castiel and told me he was in love with me.”

   Emily was gawking. “Oh my god! That’s fantastic!” Getting stern, she said, “Wait. You did say it back, right? Because you know you do.”

   Castiel nodded as he gave a little laugh. “Of course I did.” He smiled as he looked across the lobby. “I feel like things might finally be going well. We’re a real couple. I feel like it’s something I’ve been wanting for so long that it’s almost too good to be true. I didn’t want to leave home today and come out into the real world where we can’t be together yet.”

   With his eyes on the lobby, he was the first to notice the two women enter the building. “I’m gonna take a wild guess and say this can’t be good.”

   Emily followed his eyes to see both Lisa and Eileen heading for the staircase door. “Not bad necessarily.”

   “Lisa blew up Dean’s phone while he had it off. I assumed he answered her by now, but maybe he hasn’t. Her doing that is what kept me from suggesting we go with Dean’s plan to have the day off together.” He watched the two women disappear behind the door. “Guess we’ll know soon.”

 

   When the two women walked into the office unannounced it took both Sam and Dean by surprise.

   “Hey, honey,” Lisa said amiably as she came around Dean’s desk to kiss his temple. “Working hard?”

   “I was,” he snapped. Her showing up in the middle of his day was not what he needed. He had yet to spend any time trying to figure out what he was going to say when he saw her at home. Coming up with something on the fly didn’t seem like a good plan.

   Sam came over to the middle of the office and hugged his wife. “Hey, what are you all doing here?”

   Eileen was the one who answered. She faced him so she could be specific without Lisa knowing.  “Well, we,” her eye movement indicated that by ‘we’ she meant Lisa, “thought it would be nice to come have lunch with you all. It’s about that time. Wanna walk down to that little bar you mentioned? Ocean’s?”

   Sam looked back at his laptop. He had a lot to do, but food did sound good. “Dean, you ready for some lunch?”

   It was on the tip of his tongue to tell them to go without him. He knew that wouldn’t work though, and he actually was feeling a little hungry. He and Cas had opted for a light and easy breakfast so they could spend more time up against the kitchen counter. “Yeah. Okay. Let’s go.” He locked his computer screen, grabbed his phone, and followed the others downstairs. As he entered the lobby, his eyes went straight to the deli as they always did. Seeing Cas standing there, made him smile. He wanted to let him know what was going on.

   Sam and Eileen were walking next to each other, but as Lisa tried to match steps with Dean, he fell further back. The fact that he was messing with his phone had her assuming he was dealing with something he didn’t want her to see. “Do we need to stop and wait for you?” Their whole party did stop and Dean managed to get the message sent.

   Phone back in his pocket, he said, “Nope. Carry on.” Their group continued out the lobby doors.

   At the deli, Castiel’s phone dinged.

   Dean:  _Not my idea. They want lunch. I only want to eat you. You look fucking delicious over there._

   It brought a smile to his face and he relayed the lunch part to Emily.

   “To be a fly on the wall at that awkward lunch,” she grinned.

   Castiel shook his head. “Wouldn’t be fun, I think. I’m going to see what all copies we need. I know some of our reserves are getting low.”

   “Sure, Boss! Have fun with that.”

   “Woohoo,” he responded unenthusiastically.

   Due to getting sidetracked twice by his thoughts of Dean, it was another thirty minutes before he finally got through the blue binder that held all their original sheets for paperwork and putting post-its on the ones he needed more of. “Heading to the main office,” he called to Emily. Their copier was a beast and could run rings around his printer so he was always more likely to use it when he could.

   Emily watched him head down the hallway and into the offices before going back to staring at the lobby. The only other people there were a man and woman waiting for an elevator and arguing about something. She was so engrossed in watching them that she didn’t see the man coming through the side entrance. The loud pop, pop, pop startled her. It sounded like someone had left off a few firecrackers in front of her. Her entire world seemed to slow.

   The man and the woman who had been arguing were both slumped to the floor. As she looked to the source of the sound, she saw Greg, decked out with more guns than one person could ever need, heading straight for the offices where he had worked the last fifteen years.

   She dropped to the floor, but as far as she could tell, he hadn’t even looked in her direction. Using her cell to call 911, she peeked over the counter as he walked through the office door and opened fire. She sank back to the floor and crawled to Castiel’s office for safety as she explained to the 911 operator what was happening.

 

   Sam was ready to throttle his brother. This lunch was the most awkward thing that anyone of them had ever had to sit through and Dean wasn’t doing anything to make it better. Eileen and himself were doing what they could to have an engaging conversation with both members of the upset couple and while Lisa played along, Dean responded with the shortest answers possible and kept his focus on his food, wolfing it down. “How was it?” Sam asked him, having to raise his voice a bit as a police car went by.

   “Good.” He had another fry. “Done yet?”

   “I am. Girls?”

   They both nodded and Sam and Dean cleared off the table. Two more police cars and an ambulance went by.

   “Huh. There must have been a wreck nearby,” Sam guessed as he dropped the trash into the garbage.

   “Maybe.”

   With the girls out of earshot, Sam grabbed Dean’s arm. “This is done. Eileen and I are not gonna be mediators or go-betweens for you two. We’re not dealing with this awkward shit anymore. We’re gonna leave and you need to hang back and talk to her.”

   Dean was irritated with the fact that she had came up to the office at all. Getting his brother and Eileen involved in their issues wasn’t something he appreciated any more than Sam did so he nodded. They all stepped outside together, but as Sam and his wife walked on, Dean pulled Lisa back. “We need to talk.”

   “I’m so glad you think so. I was afraid you were going to pretend like nothing happened. Do you want to explain why you disappeared on me last night?”

   “Lisa, you know as well as I do that this isn’t working anymore.” Dean put his hands in his pockets as he looked at his wife. It had been easier to admit than he had thought it would be. Unfortunately, she was not on the same page.

   “It was working just fine. You’re not in your right mind! You’ve been tricked by some little asshole who doesn’t know how to keep his hands off a married man.”

   They were starting to draw some attention so they followed Eileen and Sam, keeping back to have their conversation. “He doesn’t have anything to do with this. This is about us, our relationship. I’m just not happy.”

   “You were.”

   “No. I was complacent. I wasn’t happy.” He stopped and turned to her. “Can I ask you something? Are you happy? Right now, being married to me...are you happy?”

   “We’re going through a really hard time and I think we need to see a marriage counselor, but yes, being married to you makes me happy. We wouldn’t even be in this spot if it wasn’t for that homewrecker.”

   The hate on Castiel was really starting to grate on his nerves, but he kept his temper in check. “We don’t need counseling. We need…”

   “Dean!”

   He looked up at the street where Sam had yelled his name and was frantically waving. Something about it gave him a bad feeling. “Come on.” They hurried to meet Sam and Eileen at the edge of the parking lot. As they did, the view of police cars and ambulances came into view. Officers were in full protective gear and appeared to be discussing how they were going to enter. “What the fuck? What’s going on?”

   “I don’t know,” Sam answered. He looked around and found a man nearby. “Excuse me. Do you know what’s going on?”

   “Active shooter inside,” he said, gesturing to the building.

   “What?”  _Cas. Cas is inside._  “I have to go in there.” He started to walk off, but Sam quickly grabbed his arm and dragged him back.

   “Are you insane? You can’t go in there!” Lisa shouted.

   “Dean, they’ll arrest you before you ever even make it to the door. You can’t go in!” Sam insisted. He watched as his older brother’s eyes began to fill with tears and pulled him into a tight hug. “He’s gonna be fine,” Sam whispered so only Dean could hear. Seeing some people from the office in the parking lot he said, “Come on. Let’s go talk to them and see if we can get more info.”

  

   Castiel stood staring down at the copier, weirdly enjoying the mechanic hum as it shot out the twenty copies of the inventory sheet. He was so entranced that the first three pops he heard didn’t really register in his mind. When the gunfire began to ring out from the front of the office suite and the screaming began, he still didn’t move. The sounds didn’t make sense. He was in a room that was connected to the main hallway through this particular section of offices by a shorter hallway with an office on the right side of it. He took a step and watched in confusion as people were running down the main hallway to the door in back. Someone past them screamed, “The door is blocked! We can’t get out.”

   It slowly began to register that he was in danger.  _I should move. I should run. I should hide. I need to hide._  Despite his thoughts, Castiel’s body was frozen. He heard more shots and managed to take a step back. When the black tip of a semi-automatic rifle came into view, he was able to take another step back, none of it was enough to escape the notice of the man coming down the hall.  _Greg?_  As the man came toward him, he grew even more confused. “Greg, what are you doing?”

   “Life was boring, but acceptable. Bet you they’ll think twice about firing the old guy next time,” he said with a laugh.

   It was weird to think that this was the happiest he’d ever seen Greg be. “You have to stop!”

   Greg shook his head. “Nah, I’m dead at the end of this so I’m not stopping until I’m done.” He turned around and started to head back to the main hall, knowing everyone was hiding in the breakroom at the end.

   Castiel finally found the motivation to move and grabbed Greg by the shoulder pulling him back. “I can’t let you do this!”

   “Castiel, you and Emily are probably the only two decent people in this place. That doughnut and coffee were the highlights of my whole week! I can’t thank you enough for that and it makes me extra sorry for what I have to do to you now.”

   Greg’s words had a sad finality to them and it sent a chill through Castiel. The realization that he was talking to someone who had just killed people set in and he knew that he was next. He couldn’t say whether or not life was passing before his eyes, but he did feel incredible disappointment about missing seeing Dean that night. Green eyes filled his mind...until sharp pain distorted his thoughts and everything went black.


	30. Chapter 30

   After talking to a few other people, Dean saw a familiar face at the far edge of the parking lot, near the police barricade. “Look! There’s Emily!” Dean left the other three behind to go running over to where he saw the girl talking to an officer. “Emily!”

   She turned as soon as she heard her name and saw Dean coming toward her. Tears were running down her face and she looked like she’d been through hell.

   He grabbed her arms. “Are you okay?” At her nod, he asked, “Where’s Cas?” Her tears intensified and his stomach sank. “Emily, where’s Cas?” he asked again, his voice breaking.

   “I don’t know,” she managed. “He was in the office where Greg was shooting. They told me not to call in case he’s hiding. I’m scared for him.” She began to full out sob and he pulled her into a hug as the others caught up.

   “Is she okay?” Eileen asked.

   Dean nodded and then turned Emily over to her and reiterated to Sam, “I have to get in there.”

   “You can’t,” replied the officer Emily had been speaking with. “They just now went in and are clearing the building. Depending on what happened, you might not be able to go back to your office at all today.”

   “I’m not fucking worried about my office! The man I love is in there! I have to go find him!”

   “Wait! The man you what?” Lisa snapped.

   Turning a threatening face to her, he growled out, “Now is really not the time, Lisa!” Back to the officer, he said, “Please. I have to. Is there any way I can get in? I have to make sure he’s okay.”

   “No. I’m sorry. You’re going to have to wait here like everyone else. It’s for everyone’s safety. ”

   The group stood there not saying anything, just staring at the building, waiting for some kind of indication that their friend was not gone. Dean perked up when he saw the EMTs heading inside. “That’s gotta be a good sign, right?”

   The cop shrugged. “They have to go in no matter what, but hopefully, yeah. We hope there will be people they can save in there.” The officer knew it was bad so he didn’t want to raise hopes, but he didn’t want to take hope away completely either.

   For the first time in years, Dean began to pray, begging the universe to not take his love when he’d just found him. _You do not get to bring him to me and then take him away! He comes back to me. I demand it._ He switched tactics and willed Cas to hear him. _Castiel, please be okay. Please be okay. I need you. You are supposed to be here with me. Don’t leave me._

 

   As Castiel began to come to, he groaned...and immediately regretted it. The sound felt like it was reverberating inside his head. Carefully, he opened his eyes to find a blurry world and it seemed to swim in front of him. He squeezed his eyes back shut. On the second try, things began to solidify. He was face down on the floor by the copier and his head felt like it was going to split in two. Attempting to move his head brought on a wave of nausea so instead, he lay still and listened. It was quiet. Eerily quiet. No gunfire. No screams. No footsteps. It was the sound of nothing and somehow that was just as terrifying as the madness that had happened moments before.

   He managed to move enough to bring a hand up to the throbbing area on his forehead. His fingers found a wet spot. Pulling his hand back, he saw blood and grimaced. _Fucking asshole._ Considering Greg had opted to just knock him out with the butt of his rifle rather than shoot him, he figured he should be thankful. Unsurprisingly, it was hard to be grateful to a man who just went on a murdering spree.

   Fighting the nausea, he was able to get himself sitting up against the back wall. Just as he was about to pull his phone out to call for help, he heard heavy footsteps. Officers with rifles of their own and decked out in their protective gear appeared in front of him. Two came towards him while the others continued down the hall.

   “Sir, are you hurt anywhere else?” one of the officers asked.  

   “Not that I know of. He just knocked me out with the gun.”

   “Wow! You’re a lucky guy. Can you walk?”

   “Moving makes me want to throw up”

   The second man nodded. “Typical with a head wound. Stay put then and as soon as we’re clear, we’ll get a medic in here. Okay?”

   “Okay.”

   The two men stayed until the building was called clear. From the pieces he was able to grab, Greg had taken his own life after killing all, but a couple of his former co-workers that were there that day for a total of nineteen killed, including two in the lobby. He’d been thorough, making sure that everyone was dead with one exception. There was one woman who had been shot and was still alive, but they didn’t know if she’d make it. A group of paramedics rushed down the hall to get to work on her while two others came to check on him.

   He was feeling much better aside from the spot on his head. The EMTs were able to check him out and said other than needing to go to the hospital for a few stitches he appeared to not have any other issues though he would need to be careful for signs of a concussion. He was a little wobbly on his feet, but was able to walk with a bit of help from one of the medics. As he walked, the metallic smell of blood filled his nostrils, toying with his stomach. Coming into the reception area and seeing the bodies there was just too much and he had to stop to throw up into a small trash can. After that, he kept his eyes closed until he was completely out of the office.

 

   Eileen, Sam, and Emily stood discussing what had happened as Dean continued to stare at the doors, waiting for a sign of Cas. He didn’t pay any attention when Lisa moved up next to him.

   “So, you love him?” she asked quietly.  

   “Lisa…”

   “I know. You said now is not the time, but you can’t say you love someone else and expect me to just be okay with that. I thought you loved me. I guess I should have realized how wrong I was when I saw that bruise peeking over your collar. I know I didn’t put it there so I’m guessing you were with him last night.”

   Dean sighed and tugged up at his collar. “I care about you. I really do. I know you want to talk, but I can’t right now. I don’t know what you expect me to say when I’m worried out of my mind.” Tears threatened again and his voice wavered. “Cas could be dead. All I can think is that I didn’t touch him before I walked out of the building, that I wasted too much time not being with him, that I might never get to see him again.” The tears finally fell.

   Lisa was more hurt that she’d ever been, but she couldn’t stand to see her husband so upset. Even if he didn’t love her, she still loved him. She put her arms around him and let him cry against her shoulder as she ran a hand up and down his back, trying to console him.   

   There was a flurry of excitement around them and Dean quickly turned to see the EMTs hurrying someone on a bodyboard to the ambulance. Whoever it was had on a pastel blue top so he knew it wasn’t Castiel. He didn’t know whether or not that should relieve him. The person appeared to be hanging by a thread, but that was better than not being alive at all. Agitated, Dean began to pace.

   “Dean!”

   Lisa saying his name didn’t stop his pacing. He’d already told her he couldn’t deal with their relationship right now.

   “Dean, I think that’s him!” Sam exclaimed.

   “It is!” Emily squealed. “It’s Castiel!”

   That stopped him dead in his tracks as he spun around, searching for him. He spotted him being helped down the outside steps by a medic. His head was bandaged, but there was blood all down the side of his face. None of the cops could have stopped him if they tried. He was over the barrier and running. “Cas!”

   Castiel looked up hearing Dean’s voice and smiled though he couldn’t quite figure out where he was until he was suddenly in front of him. “Dean!” His handsome man was a sight for sore eyes.

   “Cas, are you okay? What happened? I’ve been so freaked out and they wouldn’t let me come in to find you.” More than anything, he wanted to squeeze Cas to him, but he didn’t know if he was hurt anywhere else so he kept his hands on his arms.

   “A lot happened. I’m okay. I just got hit in the head. They’re just taking me to get stitches.” Turning to the man who had been helping him, he asked, “Do I really need to take an ambulance ride? Couldn’t I just go to the hospital?”

   Dean nodded. “I could take him.”

   “You could, but you’d be in and out quicker if you let us take you. Your friend can ride with us if you want.”

   “I’m definitely going. Let me give Sam the keys to the Impala.” Dean raced back over to the barricade where his group was.

   “Is he okay?” Emily asked.

   “He’s okay. Needs stitches. They can get him taken care of quicker if he goes with the EMTs so I’m riding with them.” He held his keys out to Sam. “Bring her to the hospital when you all can get out of here.”

   “Will do. See you there. I’m glad he’s okay.”

   “Me, too.”

 

   Between the doctors and the police officers, Dean and Castiel didn’t get a moment alone. It was a constant string of poking, prodding, and questions. Cleaned up and sutured, they were finally able to let him go.

   “The chance of a concussion at this point is small, but I suggest you have someone stay with you who can watch you for these symptoms.” The doctor held out an information page to him, but Dean grabbed it up.

   “I’ll be with him,” he said as he began to read the symptoms list.

   “If he starts displaying any of those, bring him back and we’ll do a scan. Otherwise, we’ll see you back in five days to remove the stitches.”

   Dean nodded in understanding as he continued to read, committing the list to memory so he would know the moment Castiel showed any. He didn’t even notice when the doctor walked away, leaving them alone for the first time since the whole ordeal started.

   “Dean, I love that you want to stay with me, but are you even able to? I don’t want Lisa to wonder where you are again and...”

   “This isn’t a discussion, Cas.” Dean cut him off and looked up from the information sheet, meeting Cas’s eyes. “You know what matters to me? You do. You just went through something and saw an aftermath that you shouldn’t have had to. I can’t fix that, but I can stay with you and make sure nothing worse happens so that’s what I’m gonna do….and I love you so you just have to deal with it.”

   Castiel rose from the edge of the bed where he’d been sitting and stepped to Dean, giving him a soft, chaste kiss on his lips. “I love you, too.”

   It was so nice to hear the words again that Dean actually blushed as his gaze dropped to the floor. “I don’t know why,” he muttered through a smile. “Come on. Sam said they’re in the waiting room.”

   The two men found their way through the maze of the hospital to the waiting room where Emily, Sam, and Eileen were. The two women began fawning over Cas and asking how he was and what he needed.

   “Where’s Lisa?” Dean asked, looking around.

   Sam answered. “Um, she went home. I don’t think she really wanted to see you with Castiel. She’s kind of a mess right now. I really think you need to talk to her now and not leave her wondering what exactly you want.”

   “I can’t. I need to stay with Cas and watch him for these signs.” He shook the paper he was holding.

   Emily snatched the paper away. “I can do that. Just until you can come back,” she amended when Dean glared at her.

   “Just get it over with, Dean,” Eileen pleaded. “If you’re so ready to move on, then tell her. Be firm and specific. Let her go.”

   Sam, Eileen, and Emily all seemed to be ganging up against him, but there was only one person whose opinion mattered. He looked to Castiel. “What do you want me to do?”

   Castiel nodded his head to indicate that Dean should step away from the group. He winced at the movement, but the pain quickly went away. Away from the others, he said, “I want you to stay. I want to curl up on the couch with you and pretend that I didn’t see a nice man murder innocent people, that I didn’t see dead bodies of people I vaguely knew. I want you to hold me and make me feel protected and just love me.”

   “There’s a ‘but,’ isn’t there? I can feel it.”

   “But I need you to go. When you’re doing those things, nothing should mar that. Go say what needs to be said for this to be official.” He pushed his hand under the button-up’s collar to rest his hand over the darkened mark he’d left on Dean’s neck.

   Dean sighed into the touch, letting his eyes close for a moment to enjoy it. He covered Cas’s hand with his and then pulled it forward so he could kiss the back of it. “Fine, but one way or another, I’m coming home to you tonight.”

   “You better. I’ll be waiting.”

 

   Dean sat in the driveway, not wanting to go in, but knowing he had to. Getting his nerve together, he headed in. It was quiet inside and after everything that had just happened, it started to make him nervous. “Lisa?”

   “In here.”

   Sighing with relief, he walked to the bedroom to find her sitting in the middle of their bed, looking through their wedding album. He didn’t say anything, leaning on the doorframe.

   “I was definitely happy this day,” she said, turning a page. “I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. I’d been through hell, but I came out on the other side and there you were.” She looked up at Dean. “You asked if I’m happy now. Not now. You love someone else and as much as I want to believe that you’re going to come to your senses...why would you? I certainly haven’t. I still love you as much as I did then.” Her gaze returned to the photos.

   Dean walked forward and sat at the end of the bed. “I’m sorry. I’m a jackass, Lisa. I did things because I thought I should, because it’s the life everyone wanted for me. With constantly being told that I should settle down, like it was the ultimate goal that everyone looked to achieve, I thought it was as good as life got. I was serious when I said I care about you. I do and I hate that I’m hurting you like this. I can’t pretend anymore though. I didn’t expect to feel what I did when I met Cas. I didn’t even know that kind of intensity existed, but now that I felt it, I can’t go on without it.” He braced himself for the hard words. “Lisa, I want a divorce.”

   She flipped another page and sniffled. “I don’t, but I don’t guess that matters anymore. Mom is coming to get me. I’m gonna stay with my parents for a while.”

   “The house is yours if you want it.”

   “Oh, really?” Her enthusiasm dripped with sarcasm. “I don’t get to have my husband, but I get to have the house we made a home together? I get to see all the memories we made every day? Oh, thank you, Dean! You’re so fucking kind!” Tossing the wedding album aside, she got up from the bed and pulled her suitcase from the closet.

   Dean didn’t know what else to say. There was nothing that was going to make her feel better. “Do you want me to send the papers to your parents’?”

   “Yes. I’ll come get the rest of my stuff some other day. I’ll be sure to let you know when.” She paused in her packing. “You should go. If Dad comes, you’re not going to want to be here.”

   “Okay.” He stood and wished for anything to say. “Lisa, I’m…,” he faltered.

   “Yeah. I know. Just go.”

   He nodded and left their room. It was over. It may have been the hardest thing he’d ever had to do, but he knew it was necessary. The marriage was no longer something keeping him from Cas. _My Cas._ As he got in his car, he sent a text.

   Dean: _I’m coming home, baby. Be there soon._


	31. Chapter 31

   Dean arrived at Castiel’s and brought his bag up with him since he was staying another night. When he knocked on the door, Emily was the one who answered. He came in to find Cas propped up on the couch in a t-shirt and shorts watching a cooking competition.

   “Hey, babe,” he said, leaning over to give him an upside-down kiss.

   “I’m glad you’re here,” Cas responded, but then quickly added, “Not that Emily hasn’t been awesome. I loved having you here. It was like old times.” He smiled at her as she picked up her purse from the glass coffee table.

   “Yeah. We haven’t really hung out in a while. We should do that again sometime.” To Dean, she said, “I left the paper with the symptom info on the fridge and I wrote down my number just in case you need it for anything. If he wants something, don’t leave. Just let me know. I don’t live far.”

   “You guys, I have stitches in my head. I’m not pregnant. I’m not an invalid. No one needs to do me special favors. I’m capable!”

   “I’ll go save it to my phone now,” Dean said, ignoring Cas’s outburst. “Thanks for watching him for me. I got it from here.”

   Emily heard that for the dismissal it was and said, “No problem. When you know anything about work, just send me a message.”

   Castiel gave a thumbs up. “You got it. Thanks again, Emily!”

   The door closed behind her and the guys were alone again. After adding Emily’s number, Dean went and sat at the opposite end of the couch, facing Cas. “Are you really okay?”

   Cas shrugged. “Physically, yeah. I feel like there might be something wrong with me. I feel like I should be sad, but I just feel really lucky and thankful. I thought Greg was going to shoot me and I was so upset because I thought I wasn’t going to get to see you tonight. Here we are though and I’m just...happy. I feel like a horrible person for being happy right now.”

   “Come here.” Dean scooted down and pulled Cas against his side. “Survivor’s guilt is a real thing, but you should never feel bad about being happy. There’s nothing to apologize for. You can’t put your life on hold, put your feelings on hold, because others were less fortunate than you. You are alive so you get to feel however you do and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

   Cas sighed as he settled more firmly against Dean. “I’m so glad you’re here. You know just the right things to say.” Remembering where he’d gone, Castiel sat back up. “Oh, what about Lisa? How did things go?”

   Dean leaned back against the couch. “I wish I would have known what to say to her to make it easier. I guess there are no words for that. She didn’t deserve to have this happen to her.” He paused to rub his face, dropping his hands with a loud exhale. “It’s over now though, officially. She’s going to go stay with her parents and she doesn’t want the house. I guess I’ll sell it and any profit I’ll split it with her.” He looked up at Cas. “Is it okay if I stay here while I look for a place?”

   Castiel smiled. “Of course, but you don’t have to find another place. You could just stay here. I have the room.”

   “Would that really be the best idea? Moving in together as soon as we start dating? I don’t think that’s how most people do it.”

   “Nothing we’ve done has been how anyone else does it, Dean. This is literally one of the most fucked up situations I’ve ever gone through. If you weren’t the reward for it, I’d think it was some cruel joke by the universe. ” He snuggled back against Dean. “It’s up to you though. I have a guest bedroom that could be your room if you want it.”

   It wasn’t something Dean even wanted to consider. “No. If I do stay here, permanently, I only want to be in your room, in your bed, with you.” It would have been ridiculous to be right down the hall. Dean knew he’d never be able to stay away from Cas when they were that close. One of them would end up in the others bed every night. It made more sense to stay together.

   “Well, then that would make it our room, our bed.” It was a thought that Castiel enjoyed immensely. “Do you want me to order something in for tonight or heat up leftovers?”

   “It’s whatever you want, babe. You’re the one who got hurt. The upside to that is getting to have anything you want.”

   Cas grinned and quickly pushed up, changing position to sit astride Dean’s lap. “Really? I can have _anything_ I want?” he purred while undoing the buttons of Dean’s shirt.

   Dean grabbed his hands. “Umm...I really don’t think we should be doing anything like that right now. Shouldn’t we at least give a couple days for the cut on your head to heal a little?”

   “It’s just a cut, not a broken rib,” he pouted, letting his hands fall from the buttons. Determined, he tried another tactic. “But yeah, you’re probably right. Hmm...what should we do? What should we do?” As he looked lost in thought, he rocked in Dean’s lap, grinding into him. “Hmm...I just can’t…” He didn’t get out the rest of the words as he quickly found himself on his back, under Dean.

   Dean had flipped him over with a growl. Cas’s movements in his lap were too much to fight. “Looks like you’re not the only one who has a problem saying no,” he grinned as he pressed himself between Cas’s legs.

   While he wanted Dean’s acquiescence, being in this position was not what he had been going for. The predatory look in Dean’s eye and having him between his legs had Cas scrambling backward with wide eyes.

   Dean immediately sat back, confused. “What’s wrong?”

   “Nothing. I just… I think you were right. Might need to wait a night.” He got up from the couch without meeting Dean’s eyes. “I’m gonna heat up some of the food from last night.” He busied himself in the kitchen to keep from having to deal with the panic he had just experienced.

   Dean was not one to just let something go, especially when it was clearly an issue. He moved into the kitchen as Cas slid a plate into the microwave. He came up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist, placing a soft kiss on his neck. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

   “Nothing’s wrong. I’m just hungry,” he said, leaning back into the firm chest behind him.

   “See, you say that, but a minute ago you were hungry for me.”

   Castiel had to grin. “I think I just got my appetites mixed up. That’s all.”

   “Oh? Is that so?” Dean’s hand traveled south, feeling Cas still semi-hard in his shorts. “No, I don’t think you did.” He gripped Castiel’s hips and turned him around. “I can help with that though.” His voice was a husky whisper.

   “Yeah?”

   “Yeah.” His thumbs slipped inside the waistband of both the shorts and boxer-briefs Cas had on as he leaned forward for a quick kiss. Dropping down to his knees, he pulled the clothing down with him. Cas’s cock hung heavy in front of him, no longer only partially hard. He didn’t waste time, lifting it to his lips to softly suck on the tip.

   Castiel leaned back against the counter, watching Dean with darkening eyes. This he could deal with. He knew that eventually they’d have to discuss his issues with being topped, but for now, all he had to think about was Dean’s tongue trailing up the underside of his cock. As he watched more and more of himself disappearing into Dean’s mouth, it became harder and harder to hold still. One hand gripped the edge of the counter while the other threaded into the soft hair below him. “Fuck, this is what I missed last night,” he groaned.

   Dean was too busy seeing how much of Cas he could get down his throat. He kept trying until he gagged and then pulled back off. “I can do this,” he said with determination before starting again. The second try ended up with the same results.

   Castiel’s hand tightened in Dean’s hair and pulled back so he’d look up at him. “I love that you’re trying, but I can cum without you choking yourself. Suck me off or bend over this counter and I’ll get off myself.” He let go and brought the hand back to brace himself better against the counter.

   Dean grinned. He loved it when Castiel became so aggressive and demanding. It matched his own personality and something about that excited him. Doing as instructed, he focused simply on sliding his mouth up and down Cas’s cock, stroking the lower part of the shaft with his hand. He varied the pressure and speed, pushing Cas slowly so he could really enjoy it.

   Castiel was starting to find it hard to stand. His knees were growing weak with how well Dean was stringing him along. “I forgot how fucking good you are at this,” he gasped as his hips jerked forward involuntarily. “Don’t stop!”

   He had no intention of stopping, not until he had a mouth full of cum to swallow down. Dean knew Cas was getting close and he finally decided to stop torturing him. His suction increased and he began to move as quickly as possible, fucking his face onto the hard member. He could feel the tightening in Castiel’s body.

   “Yes! Fuck! I’m gonna cum!” He barely got the words out before he was squirting streams into Dean’s mouth. His hips jerked with each pulse, but Dean stayed on him and drank down every drop he had. Completely spent, Castiel couldn’t stay upright anymore and slumped to the floor with a smiling Dean in front of him.

   “How do you feel?” Dean asked.

   “What do you mean? I can’t feel anything and it’s amazing,” he replied with a laugh.

   “Good. One appetite sated and one soon-to-be.” Sitting up on his knees, he leaned over Castiel and hit the button on the microwave to heat the food again. “Come on.” Dean stood and took one of Cas’s hands in his, pulling him up from the floor and righting his clothes. He led Cas to the table and sat him down, going back for his plate of food.

   “I’m getting such sweet treatment. You better be careful. I might get used to it.”

   “Go ahead. I like taking care of you.” He sat the plate of reheated food in front of Cast and took the seat across from him. “Do you feel well-taken care of?”

   Thinking back over everything that had been said and all that was done since Dean showed up, he had to answer honestly. “Yeah, I do.” He took a bite of the chicken, enjoying it just as much as he did the night before.

   “So, maybe now you’ll tell me what the issue really was? Why you worked so hard to turn me on and then ran away?”

    _Damn it._ Castiel stared at the food on his plate. Dean had worked hard to make him feel like he was safe and cared for so he could be honest. It was just too big of an issue for him to get into. The longer he could avoid it, the better. “It’s not something I’m ready to talk about yet. Can we just leave it at that for now?”

   Slowly nodding, Dean said, “Okay. If it’s that important. Is it something that you think you’ll tell me eventually?”

   With the way things were going, Castiel knew there was not going to any ability to avoid it forever. “Yeah, I will. I promise.” _I don’t know when or how, but I will. I’ll have to._

 

   Six days later, life had taken on a new kind of normal. People were allowed back into the offices on Monday though the main offices for the building were still roped off with caution tape. It had been hard for Emily the first day back. She just kept staring at the spot in front of one of the elevators where she’d seen the two people arguing and then shot. They weren’t even involved so no one really knew why Greg shot them. It had gotten better as a semblance of their usual days began to take hold.

   Castiel’s head wound had healed remarkably well. When he went back to have the stitches removed, he was told he probably could have come in the day before because of how well it was doing. As long as he continued to follow their instructions, he was assured that the scar would be minimal.

   With Dean staying at Cas’s, he shifted his work schedule so they could go in and leave at the same time. It didn’t bother Sam at all since more often he was on-site with clients.

   The divorce papers had been sent, but Dean didn’t know if Lisa had received them yet or not. He was debating on sending her a message to find out as he walked into Castiel’s on Wednesday evening.

   “You need to check on her anyway. See how she’s doing,” Cas told him as he headed into the kitchen for a couple beers. “Then you can ask about the papers. It’s not wrong to want to know. The sooner they’re signed and filed, the sooner it will be legal. That’s still going to take at least three months.”

   “Yeah, I know. I just hate feeling like I’m bothering her or making things harder. I can wait until next week. She’s supposed to call me about when she’s going to come get her stuff from the house.” Dean groaned as he plopped down on the couch. “That’s something else I have to do. I have to get the house listed. I should probably go over there and start going through things.” He’d only been to the house once to get more clothes and some basic essentials. “I need to decide what I’m gonna keep.”

   “You could do that this weekend. Do you want me to come with you?” Castiel kept the question light, but he was hoping Dean would let him tag along. He was curious to see the house that Dean had been living in. A lot can be learned about a person from their home.

   “Yeah. That’d be nice. You can help me on stuff I’m not sure about.” He smiled up at his boyfriend who handed him one of the beer bottles and took a seat at the other end of the couch. There had been something running around in his mind for a while and he wanted to approach it right. Cas had a tendency to take things negatively, but Dean hoped he could stand a little teasing. “I’ve been thinking I should probably start looking for a new place soon.”

   Castiel had been feeling pretty content, but the words were not what he was expecting. He focused on the bottle in his hand and tried to ignore how upset the statement made his stomach. “Oh. Okay.” He didn’t know what else to say. Dean already knew how much Cas enjoyed having him there so there was no reason to reiterate it.

   “I know you got a lot of room here, but I got a lot of stuff. I used to think I didn’t, but then we moved into that house and it was ridiculous the stuff I had to move. I know there’s even more now.”

   Nodding, Castiel kept his eyes locked on the bottle. It was a fair statement. He would have been happy to get rid of most of what he owned so they could live together, but he also knew Dean would never allow that.

   Seeing how upset Cas was getting, he decided it was time to ask the question that would reveal the truth. He hoped it would be a happy surprise. “Do you think we should do another apartment or a house?”

   Cas’s head jerked up. “What?”

   “Well, I’m partial to houses. No annoyingly close neighbors. I know this is a two bedroom, but I think we should do three in our new place.” It was hard for him to control his grin as he watched Cas try to comprehend exactly what was being said. “What’s wrong?”

   “Hold on!” Cas was stuck between being ridiculously happy and completely incredulous. “You said before that maybe we shouldn’t live together so soon into our relationship and now...are you talking about getting a place together?”

   “I’m saying that I think it’s something we should talk about and consider. I’m fine here and my stuff can stay in storage. I don’t care. I just wanted to let you know that I’m not going anywhere unless you’re with me.”

   He reached over and smacked Dean’s arm. “Asshole! That was a shitty way to tell me! You know exactly what you made think!”

   “Ow!” His cheeky grin was proof that Cas was right. “I can’t help it. You’re just so sure that I’m gonna fuck up what we have somehow. I like proving you wrong on that.”

   Dean may have been joking, but the words shook Castiel. “Do you really think that, that I believe you’re gonna mess this up?”

   Dean shrugged. “Can you tell me I’m wrong?”

   Castiel took a moment to really think about that. _Am I really just waiting for him to screw us up? Isn’t it just as likely that I could ruin this?_ Logically, he knew what was right, but he realized that he did still have that fear, that Dean would leave him. It was irrational considering he left his wife and was now staying with him, but it was still there.

   It was more than that though. The sting still existed from Marcus. They had been together for almost a year when he left. Trusting so completely was now hard for him. Without even knowing it, he was always waiting for the point where his holding back would pay off. He looked up to Dean’s curious green-eyes. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t know I was doing that or that you felt that way. You don’t deserve that.”

   Waving his hands, Dean said, “I absolutely deserve it after what I put you through. It’s why I’ve never said anything about it and instead, I show you how awesome I am. Eventually, you'll start expecting good news and can be excited when I start talking seriously.” He gave a wink to show that he was okay with how things were.

   It made Castiel smile, but he still felt guilty for making Dean feel that way and wanted to fix it. There was only one thing he could think of to do. He needed to let Dean know he trusted him. “There’s something I have to talk to you about.”


	32. Chapter 32

   Castiel fidgeted nervously in his seat and went back to staring at his bottle as he tried to come up with the right words. “We haven’t really talked about our past dating experiences and that’s fine, but I have to tell you about Marcus.”

   “That was the guy who left you for a woman?” Dean knew it was hypocritical of him to judge, but he really wanted to beat the guy’s face in for causing so much pain to his beautiful Cas.

   “Yeah. We had been dating for ten months and I felt like I was in love. We both had been saying it since a few months in. We had started talking about what we’d do for our one-year anniversary. I even got to thinking that there might be a marriage proposal in there. I thought it was a forever situation and I was all in.

   “All that ended when he told me that he was starting to have feelings for this girl he worked with and he wanted to see how things with her would go. He broke up with me and started dating her. They’re still together so I guess it worked out, but I was devastated. I didn’t take it well, at all. I became extremely depressed. Over time I went on a few dates, but all my self-worth was obliterated. I didn’t feel worthy of attention, of being cared for.” Castiel had to pause as he fought back the tears he’d cried so many times before. It was truly the worst part of his life and reliving it was not easy. When Dean made a move as if he was going to comfort him, Castiel held up his hand to stay him. “Just, let me get through it,” he said before continuing.

   “A few months back, I went to The Tea Cup and just got wasted. I hated myself so much. I hated Marcus. I hated the girl. I was just so angry and sad and I just drank until I couldn’t even feel the floor, let alone my emotions. I shouldn’t be able to remember anything that happened, but what did happen was so… It’s just burned into my mind. This guy in a suit came up next to me and whispered in my ear. I remember specifically what he said. ‘You look like you need to get fucked. How ‘bout you come to the bathroom and let me have that sweet ass for a bit?’ So, I went with him.”

   Dean felt like his heart was breaking as he listened to Castiel talk about how lost he had been. He was angry over the man taking advantage of a too-drunk, heart-broken guy. When guys solicit drunk-girls, they call it rape. Gay men were just as capable of falling victim to that, but blamed themselves, just like society did. Just like he could see Castiel doing. He would give anything to take the pain away. Knowing it had to be hard, he said, “Cas, you don’t have to tell me about this.”

   “I do because I need you to understand. I went with him. I let him fuck me in a bathroom stall. My face was against the wall and I just felt like nothing, like maybe my only use in life was to be some in-the-closet business exec’s fuck toy. He kept saying things about how hot I was and how good my ass was, fucking me hard. He came, zipped up, said thanks and left me there. Dean, I lost every bit of who I was that night. I ran outside and puked my guts out over what I had just let happen to me. It was bad. I had to relive it all the next morning as the hangover wore off. I didn’t ever want to feel like that again so I started working on putting myself back together, putting Marcus behind me and just focusing on work.” A little smile crossed his face, “And then you came into my life and you’re amazing and I love you and I want to give everything to you. I’m so fucking scared though. It’s not logical, but because of how I was feeling and what happened, I’m scared that bottoming will put me right back in that spot mentally, emotionally. I don’t ever want to feel that way. I don’t want to feel worthless.” He was unable to stop the tears and this time, he let Dean scoot closer and pull him into his lap, wrapping him up in a hug.

   “Shh. It’s okay, baby. You don’t ever have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

   “I don’t want to disappoint you,” he said, the sound muffled as he spoke into Dean’s shirt.

   “Hey.” He pulled Cas back so he could look him in the eyes. “You will never disappoint me. You don’t have that ability. I love you. You are one of the strongest people I’ve ever met, Cas. I’ll never know how I got so lucky as to find you. You will never be nothing. You will never be worthless. You weren’t worthless then. That was a horrible experience and someone took advantage of you being at a low point and if I could find him now, I would make him fucking regret that decision” Dean had to take a breath and get his anger back under control. Him being pissed off was not what Cas needed right then. “Whether you could see it or not though, you were always worth love and respect. Always.

   “I need you to remember...you are my everything. You are priceless to me, but your worth is not dependant on me. I feel that way because of how damn amazing you are. Without you, none of the rest of it matters. That was made terrifyingly clear last week when I didn’t know if I was ever going to see you again. You’ve already given me more than I could ever hope for. Okay? I just want to be with you. That’s all I need.”

   Castiel sat in awe of the man in front of him. He’d had fantasies of Marcus coming crawling back and saying such things while begging forgiveness, but he quit thinking that way months ago. It had been hard work to start mending and believing that all he needed was himself. Dean was not going to let that all be for naught. “I don’t know what to say,” he said, almost a whisper.

   Dean leaned back and pulled Cas with him so he could cuddle against his chest. “You don’t have to say anything, baby.” He softly ran his hand up and down Castiel’s arm and peppered his face with kisses.

   They sat like that in the quiet of the darkening apartment for some time before the soft caresses and gentle kisses took on a heated edge. In their position, it would have been easy for Dean to just turn and have Cas underneath him, but he wanted to be mindful of what had just been told to him. Instead, he ran a hand over the bulge in Cas’s pants and huskily said, “I need this inside me.”

   Nothing could have made him move faster. Castiel was up with Dean’s hand in his, dragging him down the hallway to their bedroom. Clothes were thrown in random directions, hands sliding over skin as they fell onto the bed, leaving behind the pain of the past.

 

   Castiel was laying in bed with his head on Dean’s shoulder, arm across him. Both were well-satisfied and had been content to stay in bed, cuddled together for a while. It had been an emotional evening and the happiness between them was too good to let go of just yet.

   Thinking about things Dean had said, Cas finally decided to respond to the question he had been asked. “I’ve never lived in a house. I mean, except when I was a kid living with Mom and Dad. My own places have all been apartments.”

   “Does that mean you want another apartment?” Dean asked.

   “No. I think it would be nice to have a house. Are you wanting to rent or buy? Buying a house seems daunting. We need to spend some time talking about that and about what we both want in a house. It’s important.”

   Dean smiled. “You’re right. There’s no rush though, Cas. We can take our time and enjoy the process no matter what we decide. It doesn’t have to be a stressful situation.”

   “Yeah, I guess so.” Castiel considered some more. “Why do we need three bedrooms? That seems excessive. Are we gonna have a home office?”

   “It could be that at first, but I thought it would be nice to have if someone came to stay with us.”

   “That’s what you have a guest room for. You wouldn’t have somebody stay in your office.”

   Chuckling, Dean said, “I mean if we decide to have someone come stay with us permanently. Like, a tiny human.”

   Castiel moved up onto his elbow to look down at Dean. “Are you talking about a baby? Because little people freak my mom out,” he said with a grin.

   Dean started laughing. “It’s just a thought I wanted to put in your head. Nothing to talk about yet. I’m not even sure about it. A home office would be nice to have though...or we could turn it into a sex dungeon.”

   Shaking his head, Cas said, “No. A sex dungeon should go in the basement. It’s in the rules.” He smiled down at his boyfriend.

   “Oh, really? You should get me a copy of the rulebook because I haven’t read it yet.” Dean pulled Cas down for a kiss and then moved to get out of bed. “I’m gonna run and get us some food. Gonna stop at the grocery store, too, because tomorrow, I’m cooking. It’s about time I show you what I can do in the kitchen.”

   “You already showed me what you can do in the kitchen,” Castiel answered with a smirk, watching Dean’s naked rear until it was covered by his jeans.

   “ _Other_ than that,” Dean laughed, crawling up on top of him and kissing him again. “I’m a man of many talents.”

   “I’m eager to find out. Hurry back”

   “I won’t be gone long. Love you.” One more kiss and Dean slid off Castiel’s side of the bed and grabbed his shirt from the floor.

   “Love you, too.”

   Hearing the apartment door close, Castiel sighed and rolled over to Dean’s side of the bed. It was still warm and his pillow smelled just like him tinged with the lingering smell of sex. He liked being wrapped up in the scent. The sex had been good, but he could feel Dean holding back and being careful to not overstep any boundary that might exist. It was a result of Castiel’s earlier honesty and while he could appreciate the sentiment, it wasn’t how he wanted sex to be. He didn’t want careful. He wanted rough and primal. Dean had the capability. He’d seen his aggressive side.

   The more he thought about it, the more he wondered if the only way to pull that out of him was to let Dean have him. He’d never let himself imagine being topped after the man in the suit. It wasn’t a fantasy for him. It was a nightmare so, he never bothered to wonder about it. He forced his mind to consider what it would be like with Dean. The feeling of degradation that he expected was only there for a moment. As his mind filled with images of being on his back with Dean over him, fucking into him, the shame gave way to feeling sexy, feeling possessed. These were not bad things and through it all was the feeling of being loved. _I want that. I want to feel that._ The realization that he wanted to give himself to Dean started a war of thoughts.

   “Nope. Not doing it,” he said out loud. _There’s not any reason not to. I know that Dean would never make me feel like I did before._ Castiel shook his head in frustration, but then sighed again. “Damn it.” _I’m not sure I can do this. How do I ease back into it?_ As if being guided by an unseen force, his head turned and his eyes fell onto his closet door. _Oh. Right. I forgot about those._

   Forgoing clothes, Castiel climbed out of bed and went into his large walk-in closet. On the top shelf was a nondescript, black box. He carried it to the bed and pulled the top off. Inside were satin bags, each with a different toy inside. There were also some various bottles of lube. _The least I could do is try._ Feeling the bags, he found the one he was looking for and pulled the drawstring top open. He pulled out a little red butt plug. It was the beginner plug of a set that he had. _Start out small. See if I can even do this._

   Picking up one of the bottles of lube, he coated the small phallic object. Taking a deep breath, he bent over the bed and reached behind him with the toy. He used it to smear some of the lube around his hole before applying more to the plug. Trying to relax, he reached back and pushed the tip of the toy against his hole until it slid in. With it being so small and him using so much lube, he had it all the way in quickly.

   Letting go, he braced himself on the bed and tried to catch the breath he had been holding. A feeling caught his attention and he looked down between his legs. His cock was rock-hard again. _Damn! It wasn’t that long ago that I fucked Dean._ Tentatively, he wrapped his hand around himself and started to stroke, trying to imagine Dean behind him. Annoyed by the lack of feeling because of the size, Castiel rustled through the box, looking for the next size up in the set of four plugs.

   Quickly removing it from its bag, he stared at it for a moment. It seemed small, as well. He dropped it back in and grabbed the next one. It was much larger. He’d always thought there was too big a jump between the second and third one, but he didn’t mind now. The fact that he didn’t was noted.

   Working the larger plug in was harder, but he managed. This time when he began to stroke himself it was with a pleasurable smile on his face. He pushed his hips back like he was fucking onto Dean’s cock as he continued to slide his hand over himself. “Oh, fuck! I forgot how amazing this feels!”

   He had spent so much time using the moment in the stall as a rule for what bottoming was that he pushed away all the pleasure it can bring when you’re with someone you actually want to be with. He began to whine as the stationary plug was not providing any of the enjoyment that a thrusting cock would. “Ungh! I need Dean!”

   Even without the motion, he came, squirting onto the bedspread that they had tried to avoid cumming on earlier. The feeling of his ass squeezing the plug with every pulse was increasing his pleasure. As the orgasm finally began to fade, he looked down at the small pool he’d made on the sheet. “Oops.” _How am I going to explain that? How am I going to explain any of this? How do I say, we can’t do this, but then hours later say, ‘Hey, that thing? Not only can we do it, but I want it hard and now.’ That should go over well._ He removed the plug from his ass and pouted over how he felt empty now. As he washed the toy in the bathroom sink, he was feeling like a bitch in heat. He’d fucked Dean earlier, just came again with the plug, and definitely wanted Dean to fuck him the second he got home. He looked at his reflection in the mirror. “What the fuck is happening today? I need to calm down.”

   Castiel put his toy box back where he had pulled it down from and did his best to clean up the wet spot on the sheet. Afterwards, he decided a shower was in order. He hoped the water would cool him down and bring some clarity about why he had let that one horrible moment have such an impact on how he viewed sex.


	33. Chapter 33

   When Dean got back from the store, he left the bags on the kitchen counter and went to check on Castiel. He found him in the shower. “Hey, babe. I’m back. I have pizza whenever you’re ready.”

   “Okay. I’ll be out in a minute.”

   Dean put away the groceries he’d bought while he waited on Cas to get out of the shower. He planned to make burgers tomorrow. It was one of the few things that he felt he had mastered in the kitchen. For tonight, they were having pizza and he’d already left the boxes on the dining room table. 

   Castiel emerged from the hall wearing only a pair of blue plaid pajama pants, hair still shining with droplets of water. He had a towel in his hands and used it to dry his hair a bit more. Dropping the towel across the back of one of the dining room chairs, he opened up one of the pizza boxes to grab a slice. It was delicious and warm and really hit the spot. “Oh my god! This is so good!”

   From the kitchen, Dean couldn’t stop staring. He looked amazing with the pants hanging off his hips like they were and hair sticking up in all directions, but he also seemed to have a newfound confidence.  _ Maybe I’m not a complete fuck-up. Maybe what I said actually helped him. _ He hoped so. Cas deserved to believe in himself. 

   Noticing the stare, Cas raised a brow. “What?”

   Dean shook his head. “Nothing.” He put the rest of the seasoning he bought into the cabinet with the other spices and threw the bags away. They decided to sit on the couch with their food and watch an episode of  _ Mystery Science Theater 3000 _ because Dean had never seen it. Aside from almost choking on their pizza a few times from laughing, it had been a lot of fun. 

   Castiel had already decided to wait on revealing his new desire to Dean. It was such a huge change for him that he felt he should sleep on it and see how he felt the next day. When they got in bed though, he grabbed Dean’s arm and pulled it over him, enjoying the feel of having him pressed against his back. 

   It was a feeling Dean liked, as well, as it allowed him to feel protective. It had been so rare to this point, for Dean to get to spoon Cas, but at least now, he understood why. Fighting back his lusty feelings, he placed soft kisses on Cas’s neck. “Thank you for loving me,” he said, almost a whisper.

   “I don’t have a choice,” he said with a yawn. “But you’re welcome.”

   Dean grinned and nipped at Cas’s neck before laying back down, content to have his love in his arms. Snuggled together, they drifted off to sleep. 

 

   Around four in the morning, Cas awoke to the feel of movement. Dean had a hand on his hip and was pushing his hard cock up against Castiel’s backside. He smiled sleepily and was thinking it was as good of a time as any. However, he quickly realized Dean hadn’t been awake when the pushing stopped abruptly and he heard Dean mutter as he quickly got out of bed. 

   “Fuck. Goddamnit.” He hurried off to the bathroom.

   Hearing the water of the shower start, Castiel drifted back to sleep. 

 

   When his alarm went off at seven, Castiel found himself still alone in bed. Curious, he went looking for Dean and found him making bacon in the kitchen. 

   “Morning,” Dean said with a smile when Cas entered the kitchen. “I’ve been cooking bacon. You want some eggs to go with it?”

   Castiel shook his head as he grabbed a slice and hopped up on the counter. “You left the bed early.”

   “Did I wake you?” Concern and a bit of embarrassment played on Dean’s face as he waited for an answer.

   Not wanting to make him feel worse, he shook his head again. “No, I just woke up earlier and you weren’t there. I fell back asleep though.”

   Dean looked back down to his frying bacon and said, “Yeah. I don’t remember what I was dreaming, but it woke me up and it was just hard to fall back asleep after that. On the plus side, I got a text from Lisa earlier. She’s gonna get what she wants from the house on early Saturday and will leave the signed papers there. You and I can go there later.”

   “Sounds good.” Cas leaned from his spot on the counter to grab another slice of bacon from the plate Dean sat next to him. “I’m actually really excited. You’ve seen how I live. It would be nice to see how it was at your place.”

   “Then you need to see the garage. That was my favorite place to be. Inside was Lisa’s domain. She kept everything neat and clean and incredibly organized. You didn’t move shit there because everything had its place. It was a nice place, but I just slept there, ate there, lived there.”

   “Had sex there,” Cas mused as he stared off into space.

   The comment caught Dean off-guard and he didn’t know what to make of it. “Um, I don’t know what to say. Are you wanting me to apologize for that?”

   Castiel jerked his gaze back to Dean’s face. “What? No! Of course not! I’m sorry. I don’t even know why I said that.” He hopped back down from the counter and kissed Dean’s cheek. “I’m gonna go get ready.” As he walked back down the hall, he thought about how he knew exactly why he said what he did. He couldn’t forget the feeling of being thrust against from earlier. The thought of having Dean in charge and letting himself be taken was making it hard to think about anything not related to sex in some way.

   As he went through his morning routine, he thought about how to admit what he decided. He was tempted to just go back in the kitchen and tell Dean right now. He had enough logic to know that would mean neither of them would be making it to work on time. After a lot of thought, he remembered what had started the whole conversation, the one that led to him finally dealing with his feelings about bottoming. Dean had teased him, making him think he was going to move without him. There was more than one way to tease a person and Castiel decided he was going to find a way to tease Dean back with what he now wanted.

   He had a pretty good idea about what to do. He needed to mess with Dean while there wasn’t anything he could do about it. Tomorrow was going to be the perfect day for that if he could manage to wait. The wall he’d built up around that part of him was in shambles and it suddenly felt like an itch that had to be scratched. He needed to feel it.  _ I can wait a day. I can survive a mass-murderer, surely I can survive a day without my boyfriend’s cock in my ass. _ That mere thought caused an involuntarily groan. 

   “Something wrong, babe?” Dean asked as he came into the closet to change for work. 

   Fighting back the arousal, he said, “I just remembered that I have some paperwork that I was supposed to send in yesterday and I didn’t. Probably gonna have a hateful email about it when I get there.”

   “Fuck them. They can handle you taking some time to get back into the swing of things.” Dean kissed the back of his head as he walked past him to the clothes he had hanging. “If not, you can come work for me. I’ll be a good boss, treat ya real nice,” he said with a cheeky grin and wink.

   Had that idea not been so in line with the thoughts Castiel was already having, he may have had a different reaction. Instead, he decided to joke back. “You’re just determined to top me one way or the other, huh?”

   Dean’s reaction was instant regret. “Cas, no. That’s not what I me…” His words were cut off as Castiel grabbed him for a kiss. Dean’s lips parted, enjoying the taste, wrapping his arms around Cas’s waist to pull him tighter against him. He fully believed that getting kisses whenever was the best part of his new living arrangements. It thrilled him every time.

   Easing back from the kiss, Castiel said, “I may need to stop expecting the worst, but you need to stop thinking I’m a snowflake.” He patted Dean’s cheek and as he left the closet, he called back to him. “Tempting job offer, Winchester.”

 

   Work had been an uneventful day. Castiel and Emily kept each other company so they didn’t have to think about all the renovating that was going on in the main offices. The building’s owner, Tom Warren, decided that a complete overhaul of that section was the only way to move past what had happened. It sounded like they could expect a completely new layout and look when all was said and done. Castiel liked the idea. The thought of ever going back in there was not one he had previously been excited about, but seeing something new would be interesting. 

   “Sounds like Dean plans to sprint you through a relationship,” Emily said with a smile. 

   Castiel nodded, having just told her about Dean’s mention of kids after talking about wanting to get a house. “I think he feels like he wasted a lot of his life with something he never really wanted. He’s so sure now that he doesn’t want to waste time moving slowly...and it’s not like either of us is getting any younger.”

   "So, you’re at the same speed then. I know after Marcus you said kids were not something you wanted. Is it possible that’s changed?” The hope was evident in her voice and it made him laugh. 

   “I’m definitely opening to the idea of adopting, but not anytime soon. Even though we may be moving fast in these big steps, we want to take our time going through them and get to just enjoy doing them together. It’s so weird because I really never thought I would have this after Marcus, a normal kind of life. I’ve been feeling very blessed lately.” Not wanting to focus on himself the whole time, he shifted focus. “What about you? You’ve always wanted kids. Does Charlie seem like the person you want to have them with?”

   Emily blinked, blank-faced. “Oh god! I don’t know. We haven’t talked about that. I guess we should otherwise we could just be wasting our time.” The realization seemed to be a shock to her. “What if she doesn’t want kids? What do I do? I’m really starting to, ya know, feel things.” Emily was great at pointing out how others felt, but not so good at labeling her own feelings.

   Worried because she seemed to be more upset than he at first thought, Castiel tried to calm her down. “Whoa, whoa! You don’t even know yet. There’s no reason to get all panicky. There’s a reason you’re ‘feeling things’ and it’s because you two are a good match. If you want to know, just ask her, but it’s still early. I shouldn’t have asked.”

   Emily brought her hand up in front of her face. Pinching the fingers together, she drew the hand down in the air to her navel, breathing out as she did. She repeated the move a few times, using the movement to steady her breaths. “Damn,” she said on an exhale. “The whole world seems to be moving fast.”

   Cas nodded. “That it is.” Thinking about his plans for the next day, he said, “I’m gonna be in late tomorrow. Not real late though. Definitely before lunch.”

   “Oh? You gonna mope since you don’t get to ride with Dean tomorrow?”

   He laughed. “I am sad about that, but no. I’m gonna be working on a surprise for Dean.”

   “Really? Is this like a fun surprise or a surprise I don’t wanna know about?”

   “I doubt you wanna know unless you’re really interested in your best friend’s gay sex.”

   “Nope!” She quickly raised her hands. “You keep that surprise to yourself, Boss. Have fun though!”

   “I definitely plan to,” he chuckled.

   The next day Dean and Cas had to drive to work separately. Dean and Sam had to head out early to a potential client’s place that was two hours away for a sit-down meeting.

   After Dean had left the house, Castiel made quick work of pulling down his black box from the closet. With the box on the bed, he went through and opened all the satin pouches, taking a full inventory of the toys he had. With them all laid out neatly in a row, he took a picture and then decided what ones he should use. He decided on one of the smaller dildos with a suction cup base and a medium sized plug for his plan. After taking pics of both, Castiel got creative, doing a few selfies while sucking on the dildo.  _ These will be fun to send _ , he thought with a smile. 

   What he had planned for his finale, to really drive home the point that he was ready for Dean to fuck him, was going to be so much better. He was giddy with excitement. 

 

   Dean and Sam were walking across the street with the stuffed shirts from the high-end company called Kendair that was considering hiring them. It would be another huge win for the Winchester brothers. That was the only reason Dean let Sam talk him into walking across the street to have lunch with them, rather than head home after the in-office meeting. 

   He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket and pulled it out to see he had a text from Castiel. 

   Cas:  _ Hey. Talking about what happened at The Tea Cup really helped me. I was able to separate what happened then with what happened before and what could happen with you. I want you to fuck me, Dean. _

   The text was a complete shock and he completely stopped walking to stare at his phone. The three men and Sam all turned to look at him. 

   “Dean, everything okay?” Sam asked with a look that told him to get his shit together. 

   “Uh, yeah. It’s fine. I just have to respond to this. It’s urgent.” He fell in line behind the men as they continued walking and he typed out a response.

   Dean:  _ Cas, it’s not a necessity for us. I told you that you don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to. You don’t need to force it. Btw, I love you, but this is really bad timing. I’m out to lunch with the guys from Kendair. Can we please talk when we get home?    
_    Cas:  _ I do want to. I’m going to prove it to you. _

   Attached was a photo of a black moderate sized butt-plug and a pink six-inch dildo with a suction cup laid out on the bed.  _ What the fuck? _

   Arriving at the restaurant, the guys were seated at a table for six. Not knowing what in the world Castiel had planned, Dean made sure to grab a seat on the end so no one would be able to peak at the screen of his phone. 

   It turned out to be a good choice. Sports paraphernalia on the walls of the restaurant had all the men discussing their favorite teams when Dean’s phone buzzed again. Opening the text, he found four photos of his boyfriend sucking on the dildo.

   Cas:  _ I wish it were you. You’re so much bigger and I love the way you taste. Do you know how badly I want you right now? _

   Dean was having a hard time keeping it together. Thankfully, the waitress brought their drinks and he was able to hide his smile behind the glass of sweet tea she handed him. He appreciated the game Cas was playing, but it was not the time for it. While she took their food orders, Dean texted back. 

   Dean:  _ Cas, you have to fucking stop. I’m at a restaurant and these people are a big deal. I can’t be getting hard at the table. Stop it. Now.    
_    Cas:  _ Or what? You gonna punish me when you get home? You gonna spank me? You gonna fuck me so hard that I won’t be able to sit for a week? God, I hope so. I’m ready for you to get rough with me, Dean.  _

   Dean bit his knuckle as he sat his phone to the side and looked at the menu even though he already knew what he wanted. When the waitress got to him, he ordered a bacon burger with fries. After ordering, the head of Kendair made a point to bring Dean into the conversation, asking him questions directly. It was hard to think clearly and answer correctly with Cas’s words rolling around in his head, but he managed. His phone buzzed again, but he ignored it as he spoke about how he and Sam ended up in IT.

   The food didn’t take long at all. They were always quick for the lunch crowd since not everyone had a full hour. Dean took the moment it was brought out to check the text he missed. 

   Cas: _ Make sure you have your headset on when you play this. _

   Not knowing what kind of clip to expect, Dean excused himself, saying he needed to make a call. Instead, he went to the bathroom. Once he was safely behind a stall door, he put in his ear buds and clicked on the image for the video. It was footage of their shower and he could see the dildo suctioned to the wall. Completely nude, Castiel stepped into the frame, smiling as he showed off his hard cock. 

   Dean could feel his own pants getting tighter as he reacted to the sight of his man. 

   “I’m going to show you how much I want to be fucked, Dean.” Castiel stepped into the shower and made a show of lubing up the dildo. Turning around, he held it up and slowly pushed back on it, letting it slide into him as he moaned. “Oh, it feels good, Dean. I forgot how good it feels. You would feel so much better though.” He began to hump himself back onto the pink cock. 

   Unable to fight how turned on he was, Dean used one hand to unbutton his pants and get his fly down so he could jerk himself to the show Cas had recorded for him. He slowed his strokes when he heard someone else come into the bathroom. He didn’t want anyone knowing what he was doing in the stall.

   “Of, fuck! Dean! I need you! I need your hard cock filling me up! Please don’t make me wait too long. Oh, god!” He turned his head to look straight into the camera. “Dean, baby, please do this for me. Please. I’m begging.”

   Knowing he couldn’t stay in there for too long, as soon as the other guy left, he jerked himself quickly as Castiel’s litany of filth continued to roll from his mouth. Dean timed it well, shooting his cum into the toilet as Cas came on the tile of the shower floor. He watched as Cas walked up to the camera and said, “I love you,” before the video ended. 

   Dean quickly cleaned up and headed back to the table, texting his response on the way. 

   Dean:  _ You are in so much trouble. _


	34. Chapter 34

   “What the hell was with you?” Sam asked in annoyance as they walked back to the Impala after lunch. “I thought you were gonna blow it for us there at first.”

   Dean was shrugging out of his suit jacket having already pulled the tie from around his neck. “Don’t bitch at me. My boyfriend is apparently a dick with shit timing.” He didn’t believe for a moment that Castiel had accidentally sent him those things when he was in an important meeting two hours from home. The timing was purposeful. He was literally begging to be punished. Dean could only hope that he would hold himself together long enough to be absolutely sure that it was what Cas wanted.  _ Hard to believe otherwise now _ . He refused to take a chance of upsetting his love though after what he’d said before.

   When he pulled into his usual spot in the parking lot, he was surprised to see Castiel’s car. Dean had planned to drop off Sam and then head straight home to see exactly what he needed to do to Cas.  _ That’s fine. I’ll put the fear of god into him here and then take him home. _  “I’m not staying here,” Dean told Sam as they got out of the car.

   “Yeah, I kinda figured,” Sam sighed.

   They walked through the side door, but Dean took an immediate left to go through the door to the back of the deli.

   Castiel peeked through the doorway, knowing it was about the time he could expect Dean. He smiled big when he saw him, but considering there was no smile back, he quickly lost his. “Hey, babe,” he said sweetly as Dean stalked towards him.

   Dean said nothing, only locked his hand about Cas’s wrist and drug him back to the small office. He shut the door and shoved Castiel back against it. “You think you’re cute?” he growled.

   Grinning, Castiel replied, “Yeah. Yeah, I…” His chin was grabbed roughly, stopping his words.

   “Do you think it’s fun to fuck with me when I’m trying to land a huge deal? Do you think I appreciate having to walk away from that deal to jerk off because you suddenly decide you need to send me porn? That was a really shitty way to deal with that, Cas!” He let go the tight grip and softly skated his fingers over Cas’s cheek. “Why are you not at home?” His still harsh voice was in sharp contradiction to the gentle touch.

   Cas had been expecting anger so that didn’t surprise him. He knew it wouldn’t last long. The mixed signals, however, was messing with his thought process. “Um, because it’s Friday. We work on Fridays.”

   Pressing himself completely up against Cas, Dean said, “The way you acted I expected you to be at home, ass in the air. Was it all just a show? Were you just messing with me?”

   His voice was so low that Castiel swore he could feel it through his chest. With Dean’s face so close, he gave a barely perceptible shake of his head. “No. It’s the truth. I don’t want to let some ass in the bar control how I live, to keep me from giving myself completely to you.” It was nothing for him to stretch forward and brush his lips across Dean’s. “You always make me feel so good. Let me do the same for you,” he begged in a whisper.

   Dean let his angry facade fall as he answered softly back. “I don’t want to put you back in that place.”

   “Do you love me?”

    Looking offended, he said, “You know I do.”

   “Then that’s the difference. I know that and I’m stronger than I was before...because of you. I want to do this. I want you. Surely, you heard me saying so in the video, right?” Pressed to the door, there wasn’t much he could do, but he managed to tilt his hips up against Dean. “That toy was nothing. It was just to show you that I’m open to it. What’s in my ass right now,” he said with another grin, “is just to show you I’m literally open to it.”

   Dean’s eyes went wide and he roughly spun Cas to face the door, reaching around him to undo his pants. Once he had them open, he reached a hand down the back of Castiel’s slacks and boxer briefs until he felt the cool touch of the stainless steel base of the plug. He pushed against it, getting a whimper from Cas. “You’re going all out to make a point. You could have just told me.” Lust was making his voice gravelly as his fingers took hold of grip.

   Cas’s hands and face were pressed into the door, trying not to be too excited about what Dean might do. “Because I did think this was more fun. Aah!” He couldn’t help the small gasp as Dean pulled gently on the plug, removing it part way before letting it slide back into place. The hand leaving his pants made him whine and he pushed his hips back, grinding on Dean.

   The move made Dean chuckle as he pulled Cas against his chest so he could reach around him and fix his pants. “You’re acting kinda slutty for me, Cas. I didn’t expect that. I have to say, I like it.” He mouthed at Cas’s neck. “I’m taking you home now, okay?” He was no longer pretending anger. His only focus was to give Castiel what he wanted and making him happy.

   Cas nodded and as soon as his pants were righted, he reached for the door, pulling himself away from Dean, ignoring the annoyed sound of frustration. “Emily, I’m out. If you need anything, call me.” He was already heading for the exit with Dean right behind him.

   “Okay, Boss!” She didn’t get a chance to say anything else as the guys were both already out the door. She giggled to herself. Sam had stopped and told her that Castiel must not have been behaving while they were away to explain why Dean drug him to the back. If that were so, she was under no illusions about why he had to leave.  _ Have fun, Boss _ .

   Castiel had left his car at the office, riding in Dean’s Impala. It wasn’t even questioned that he would. Being with his lover was his number one priority. Dean wasn’t wrong about Cas being slutty for him. Waiting for this had been driving him crazy and he was more than ready. The ride home had him sitting next to Dean, hands constantly on him, kissing him at every stop.

   It was definitely working for Dean. He made a turn and Cas’s hand slipped between his legs to rub the incredibly hard erection there. “Goddamnit, Cas!” he said with a smile. “Don’t make me cum before we get home.” The fact that he managed to get them to the apartment without crashing or spilling into his pants was a miracle he was thanking the universe for.

   They raced up to the door, giggling like kids. While Cas worked to unlock it, Dean wrapped his arms around him, biting gently at the back of his neck. The distraction was enough to stop what Cas was doing so Dean whispered at his ear. “The sooner you get the door open, the sooner I can fuck you. Unless you really want me to take you in the hall, shock the neighbors with the sounds I have you making.”

   He had the door open before Dean even finished his naughty little thought, dragging him across the threshold. With the door shut and locked, they were immediately embraced, kissing like their life depended on it.

   Dean backed Cas down the hallway, never letting up with how his tongue was lovingly exploring Castiel’s mouth. The power he felt in the moment was exhilarating, but he fought to maintain control of himself. He had been perfectly content with the life he was going to have with Cas. It was everything he could ask for. Getting to take him, though, was like the whipped cream on top of the best cherry pie he’d ever tasted.

   In the bedroom, he fell a little more firmly into the dominant role and yanked Cas’s shirt open, sending buttons flying. He pulled back to watch his hands slide down the tanned, toned chest and abs.

   Castiel pouted, looking at some of the buttons on the floor. “Ung! Dean, this shirt was new.”

   “Was,” grinned Dean, but seeing Cas’s reproachful look, he rolled his eyes and pulled the shirt off him. “I will buy you more shirts, better ones.” Forgetting about the plug, he pushed him onto the bed as he began to unbutton his own shirt. The way Cas grunted and shifted quickly reminded him. “Shit! Sorry about that.” He quickly shrugged out of his shirt. “That thing’s in the way. It’s gotta go.”

   Being helpful, Cas had already kicked off his shoes and started working on getting the lower half of his clothes off. All Dean had to do was pull them down and off and toss them to the side. He was completely naked, looking up at Dean, knowing full well what was going to happen. There were no nerves, no worthless feeling. Eager anticipation and arousal were the only things Castiel was experiencing.

   Seeing Cas on his back, cock rock hard at attention, had Dean once again sending thanks to the universe and whatever gods that ran it. “I’ll never get over how beautiful you are,” he said with awe. This was not a moment where he wanted to waste time though. Bending over, he took Cas into his mouth.

   There had been no warning. Castiel was happily basking in the sweet words when pleasure suddenly shot through him in every direction. It was like an electric shock that had him immediately arching off the bed, pushing himself farther into Dean’s willing mouth.

   Thankfully, the move didn’t choke him. He’d been working hard to be better at taking Cas into his throat. He finally felt like he was making progress. With his head bobbing up and down, Dean managed to push on Cas’s legs enough for him to know to bend and part them further, giving him access to the filled hole. He released the cock from his mouth, but continued to stroke him as he took in the sight of the base of the black stainless steel plug, gleaming in the limited light. “Look at that,” he said, not trying to hide his excitement. “So fucking pretty.”

   “Dean, no more waiting! Please just take it out and fuck me!” Castiel didn’t care if he sounded like a needy whore. He had stretched his patience to the breaking point and wanted Dean now.

   “Calm down! I plan to! Can’t I just admire your ass for a moment?” He may have sounded annoyed, but was grinning as he spoke.

   Cas’s annoyance was not feigned as he let his head fall back on the bed with a huff.

   Dean hadn’t lied. Taking out the plug was his next move. Gripping the end, he pulled slowly, watching as the hole stretched around the thick middle of the black stainless steel toy. When he had it completely out, he held it up to admire it. “I’ve never seen these in steel before.”

   “I didn’t know how long you would be. With those, you can use silicone lube and be comfortable for longer. It’s only been a few hours though.”

   Looking impressed, Dean tossed the plug onto the bed, turning his attention back to his boyfriend below him. His hole was looking slightly more stretched, but with Dean being bigger than the plug, it was going to need a little more attention. Without a second thought, he dipped down and ran his tongue over it. He flicked back and forth over the rim before pushing his tongue in. It was something he had wanted to do before, but Cas had taken over then and redirected him.

   Castiel was attempting to do the same thing again though for a much different reason. The feel of Dean’s tongue flicking in his ass was enjoyable, but he was ready to be filled up, taken. His hands gripped at Dean’s hair. “Dean,” he whined. “Please! I need you.”

   Unable to resist the begging pleas, he stood up to remove the rest of his clothes and grab their lube from the nightstand. “Okay, baby. I got ya. I’m gonna take care of you.”

   The soft-spoken words were not what Cas wanted. He sat up, startling Dean as he was spreading lube on to his cock. “Don’t fucking baby me, Dean. Don’t take care of me. Just fuck me like it’s the only thing that will let you own me. Give it to me like you mean it. Punish me for what I did to you today. I need it. I need you. Hard.”

   Dean was staring mouth agape at Cas, hair disheveled, eyes nearly black, panting for air, and demanding to be fucked senseless. Recovering, he placed a hand on Cas’s chest and shoved him back to the bed. The ends of his lips quirked when he heard Castiel’s gasped, “Yes!” This was going to be more fun than he had imagined.

   He could have spent time opening Cas up more, but after his stunt in the shower and the plug, Dean didn’t feel inclined to do anymore, especially considering how impatient his man had become. Instead, he climbed up on the bed and positioned his member at Castiel’s entrance. He understood how Cas wanted everything to be, but this was a moment where he was determined to go slow and steady. Once he got started, he didn’t really imagine there would be any complaints about that. He pushed forward. The tight warmth around him had him biting his lip to stay calm.

   Cas had purposely used smaller toys so he would still feel tight for Dean. As he began to stretch around the large cock, he started to regret his decision. “Oh, god!” He screwed his eyes shut and tried to focus on breathing through it. He felt it when Dean finally bottomed out and he relaxed. Though there had been discomfort, his earlier ministrations had made taking Dean in easier. The fact that it had finally happened was an exciting realization. His eyes flew open and he saw Dean, hovering over him with a little smile. Donning one of his own, he said, “You’re inside me.”

   “Glad you noticed,” Dean said with a laugh. “How does it feel? How do you feel?”

   “I feel...so fucking full. I feel you.” He sighed as his eyes fluttered shut. “God, I didn’t know how bad I needed this.”

   Dean leaned down on an elbow so he could trail the back of his fingers down Castiel’s cheek. “I love you so much. You are an amazing, wonderful, kind person and I will never stop being thankful for having you in my life. You are my home, Cas. You are my world.” He’d planned those words on the ride home. If he was going to get to have him like this, Dean wanted to remind him that he was not worthless. Seeing Cas’s content smile, he pushed himself back up and slowly moved. The change on the face below him was instant, from peaceful to pleasured bliss.

   Castiel kept his eyes closed, relishing the feeling as Dean moved in and out. It was a strange feeling to finally give himself over to someone again, but it was also freeing and oh-so-gratifying. As nice as it all was, it was just the tip of the iceberg of what he wanted to experience. “Dean…”

   It was a groaned out request and all that Dean had been waiting for. He began to drive in harder, taking longer strokes. “Better?” he asked.

   He nodded frantically, but still managed to pant out, “More.”

   Dean sat up so he could get a better angle, pulling Cas’s legs around him and gripping his hips. As he began to pound into him, he kept a close watch on Cas’s face, but ecstasy was all he saw as moans poured from his lips. He grinned and let himself get lost in his own feelings. Being inside Cas was like finding Utopia. So warm and snug around him, causing pleasure to pour through him as he continued to slam into him.

   Coherent thought was a bit beyond Castiel. He knew that he regretted not doing this sooner. Other than that, moans and cries of “Fuck yes!” every time Dean brushed his prostate was all he could focus on.

   Dean leaned back over him, continuing to jerk his hips hard against Castiel’s body. Fucking into such a tight hole, being as rough as he wanted, had him soaring towards orgasm at Mach speed. He needed Cas to come first though. “Is this what you wanted, baby?” The new angle had every thrust hitting that sweet spot inside. “Did you need it hard and rough? Did you need me to fucking take you?”

   “Yes! Ungh, god! Don’t stop! Need it!” The pleasure was so intense that his vision started to blur as his orgasm built.

   Feeling how close Cas was, Dean reached one hand between them to take his cock in hand and began to stroke in time with his hard thrusts. The incomprehensible noises Cas was making pushed him ever closer to that edge. He began to doubt that he was going to last as long as he needed, but then Castiel came, hitting Dean in the chest and then leaving a white trail up his own abdomen.

   Dean didn’t slow down his pace, though the stroking slowed until he was sure Cas had finished and was riding out his own waves. He pulled his hand back and licked off some of the cum that had dribbled onto him. He loved the way Cas tasted. There was nothing like it and as he licked up one of his fingers, he felt the tightening below. “Cas, gonna fill you up, baby!”

   “Yes! Dean, please.” The words were faint but audible as he wasn’t quite back from his post-orgasmic bliss.

   It was enough though and Dean came, hot and heavy, spilling seed deep into Cas’s hole, pumping until he just couldn’t anymore. He collapsed on top of Cas, cock still pulsing inside him. He smiled as he lay on his boyfriend, knowing that this was their life. It was pure happiness.

   Once Dean’s energy returned, he lifted himself from Cas and pulled out, before falling once again onto the bed. “Sorry if I crushed you.”

   “Isn’t that what I asked for?”

   Grinning, he rolled onto his side as Cas did the same, both needing to see each other. “Should I even bother asking if you’re okay?”

   Castiel shook his head. “That was everything I needed and even better than I imagined. I don’t know why I ever even bothered fucking you. We should have been doing that from the beginning.” 

   Dean laughed. “Hey now, sexy! Don’t be greedy. You better give as good as you get.”

   “That’s a promise I can definitely keep.” He shifted over, sealing his vow with a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be posted on the 21st and it will be an epilogue. Thank you all for sticking through this transition the boys took. It was an exciting journey. I'd love to explore this more, but there is currently a dark plot bunny burning a hole in my brain and it's starting to hurt. lol   
> Feel free to follow me or say hi at one of my links! Love you all!  
> https://twitter.com/TheShyGirlAO3  
> https://theshygirlao3.tumblr.com/  
> theshygirlao3@gmail.com  
> ko-fi.com/theshygirl


	35. Epilogue

   “Hey! You made it!” Castiel stepped back and welcomed Emily and Charlie into the house.

   “Sorry! We got a late start,” Charlie responded. “But we weren’t going to miss getting to meet Lily for the first time!”

   Emily handed over a bag with a bow. “We got her a little something.”

   “Thank you, both! I’m sure she’ll love it.” He glanced back towards the living room to make sure Dean wasn’t coming and then turned back to the girls. Whispering, he said, “Just so you know, Dean is really protective. Don’t take it personally.”

   Both the girls nodded in understanding and about that time, Dean came around the corner, his and Castiel’s adopted baby girl in his arms. “Hey! I thought Cas said he saw you guys pull in.”

   Emily could barely repress her squeal. “Oh my god! She’s so adorable! Hi, Lily.” She stepped closer to better see her face, but Dean took a step back. 

   “Whoa! Rules first. I have hand sanitizer in the living room if you want to hold her, but there is no kissing her at all and no getting in her face. Okay?” He nodded towards the living room. “Come on. Sam, Eileen, and Mel are already here.”

   Castiel walked past Emily and Charlie and turned to mouth, “Told ya,” before following his husband into the other room. He couldn’t complain though. They’d heard too many stories of babies getting sick from adults who didn’t know they had something contagious. With the added fact that her adoption was a closed process, they didn’t want to take any chances in case the mother didn’t take the best care while she was pregnant. The doctor had assured them the baby girl was in excellent health though. 

   In the living room, Sam was on the floor with his and Eileen’s fourteen-month-old daughter, Melody. His wife watched contentedly from the end of the couch. After everyone had said their hellos, the group settled down and the two new arrivals sanitized their hands and vowed to follow Dean’s rules. 

   Dean hated to give up his daughter now that they finally had her. It had taken months, endless paperwork, and an incredible amount of money before they were chosen. The day they’d gotten the call was easily the best day of their lives. He knew that everyone wanted to dote on her though so he forced himself to hand Lily to Emily. His plan was to stand right there, watching, but the sound of Castiel clearing his throat told him he needed to sit. 

   The whole reason for their small get together today was to introduce Lily to everyone. It had been a week and everyone was anxious to see the new Winchester baby.

   “Is Melody excited about her new cousin?” Charlie asked. 

   Sam grinned. “She doesn’t really know what to think of Lily just yet. We’re not letting her touch her,” he glanced at Dean, “for reasons, but she’s seen her and was fascinated for a bit. Pointing at her and smiling.”

   “They’ll be thick as thieves when they’re older,” Emily commented. 

   “We hope so,” Sam agreed. 

   “I’m gonna go check on the grill. See if it’s ready for food.” Castiel patted Dean’s knee and went out onto their patio where a large grill had been warming up. It seemed overly large to Castiel, but Dean had insisted they needed it. It had been put to a lot of use since they had moved in so it wasn’t a bad purchase.

   With the grill ready, he uncovered the patties he’d made earlier and laid them out, enjoying the sound of sizzling. Once all the burgers were on the grill, he closed it up and stepped back, looking at the scene through the sliding glass door. 

   There was a lively conversation going on and Sam was holding Melody’s hands as she walked around the room. Charlie now had Lily, but he could see Dean fidgeting, so badly wanting to take her back. It wasn’t just that he was protective, but he loved that little girl so much that he never wanted to let her go. It was a feeling Castiel understood well. She was his precious girl, too, and he couldn’t imagine his heart feeling as full as it did the first time he held her and those little blue eyes had looked up at him. That feeling returned every time he had hold of her. Thankfully, as much as Dean wanted to hold Lily, he was always willing to give her up to Cas. Dean had said he couldn’t decide which was better, getting to hold her or watching the love of his life caring for her. Both made his heart swell.

   The feeling that overtook Castiel as he watched his family was one that he was still getting used to.  _ Home. _ It was so much more than the house they bought or the things they put in it. It was the people who filled it. It was the love and happiness that kept a smile on everyone’s face. He hadn’t realized how much he had wanted this normal life or that he was even capable of having it, but now that he did, he couldn’t imagine it any other way.

   Dean managed to pry his eyes away from Lily to look outside and see Cas standing there with a soft smile, watching the scene like it was a favorite movie. He left the living room to join him outside, shocking his partner. 

   “Dean! There’s a wall between you and our daughter!” he said in feigned shock. 

   With his hands in his pockets, he shrugged and grinned. “It’s a glass one. I can still see her. I wanted to check on you though. Are you good?”

   “I am so good. Everything is so perfect, ya know.”

   “Well, your parents will be here at four, so it won’t be perfect forever.”

   Castiel laughed, though he still called Dean an ass for his comment and ended up wrapped in his arms. 

   “Whether it’s perfect or not, it’s ours. I love it. I love our life. I love our daughter….I still love getting to say, ‘our daughter,’ and I love you.” 

   “I love you, too, Dean.” He was pulled into a tight hug that lingered, but he could practically feel the energy coming off his husband. “You want to go take her back now, don’t you?”

   “Yep.” Dean let go, heading back inside to steal his girl back, despite Charlie’s protests.

   Castiel laughed and shook his head.  _ Yep. This is my life. This is our life.  _ Smiling fondly, Cas headed back in, as well, content that all was it should be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet! I love these boys so much! Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. It has been a rollercoaster, but so worth it. Love you all so much! Many thanks again!


End file.
